I just feel like i'm going crazy. I am
30, so is my fiance. We are marrying in
june. Everything is great, except for
her. She is the only real reason I have
considered calling this whole thing off.
My fiance agrees with me that she has some
issues, but he says she is just
"emotional". I'm sorry, but I have a
degree in psychology and she is beyond
"emotional"! She is neurotic. I try and
try, I write her emails telling her about
what we have been doing, I invite her to
anything I can possibly invite her to, and
I am always going over there with gifts
etc. When there is a dinner or special
event, and I have never said anything mean
or derogatory, but she still treats me
like a bag of dirt. She is fake to my
face, acting all peachy-keen, but then my
fiance will come home and look upset after
a night with her, and I ask him what's
wrong and he says, I can't tell you
because you will get upset. Finally he
tells me that she has been bashing me
again, telling him that I don't really
care about him or their family and she
asks him, "are you sure you want to marry
her??" I was devastated when I heard this,
after trying so hard. This has been going
on for years. He has actually confronted
her before, telling her he loves me and
there is nothing she can do about it.
Nevertheless, this behaviour of hers
continues on. I am just devastated by
this news, I am worried for my future (and
our future). I don't know how we are
going to handle this. The only truly
promising fact is that he is in agreeance
with my opinions (although he thinks it is
less of a problem than it actually is - at
least he admits that she is not dealing in
an acceptable manner). Help! Anyone have
any advice?? Thanks, dal. :)
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winky2
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Posts: 33
Sorry Posted: 07-01-05 20:32pm
Sorry but this is your man's duty, not
yours at all
the bible says a man is to leave his
mother and father and cleave to his wife
even if you're not christian this is just
common sense, if he much as plays "mr.
Stuck in the middle" for one second, he's
just enjoying the tug of war, he's not
fulfilling his duty to you, and you need
to give him an ultimatum...If he wants you
it's 100%, not anything less
he needs to tell his mom that he will not
listen to wife bashing, and if she
persists he will just leave...In short,
he's got to be a man for the first time in
his life and stand up to mummy and remind
her that he's going to be leading his own
family soon, and her days are done, she
can go take a cruise and shut up...
This will be the dynamic of your
relationship for as long as she lives if
you do not get this ironed out now,
absolutely guaranteed, and you will be a
shriveled hapless mess with your in-law
gloating that she has maintained her
power...But it's not her fault, it's your
hubby-to-be...He'd better grow up or you'd
better leave or just wait until he does
grow up before you ever marry him...
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Miss-Dal
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2005 Posts: 11
Thanks For Response Posted: 07-22-05 16:20pm
Thanks for your response. His mother in
law ruined my bridal shower. It is a long
story but she pulled out the waterworks 5
mins before my shower (i was late for my
own shower!!) :(, she had the nerve to ask
where her gift was since I got my mom
something the morning of my shower (i got
my then-fiance to give it to my mom - it
was a dish to help with serving, it was to
thank her for all her help). The funny
thing is, in spite of how much I don't
like her, I did have a gift for his
mother, but I wanted to wait til after the
shower so that I could give it to her
myself. I was in tears right before my
shower. It was horrible. I will never
forget it. I still go out of my way for
her. My husband tells me to just hang in
there and we are going to have a
"discussion" with his mother and sister
(the sister is just as spun). I am a
forgiving person, but I can only take so
much. This has devastated me. There have
been so many incidents where she was nasty
in a passive-agressive way, to me. And
you're right, the main problem is him, not
her. He needs to stand up to her..But
when I suggest that to him, he tells me I
am trying to "write them off". I told him
I want him to nourish the relationship he
has with them, and I think sometimes he
believes me..But he is not a strong
person. I am a lot stronger than he is,
he has even told me he gets most of his
strength from me. I don't want to be a
health forum and demand that he tell them
off, but I am getting torn up through this
whole thing..I need him to be a man and do
what is right. I wish he would just do
the right thing, for me. Thanks for your
suppost and all..Dal. :)
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Miss-Dal
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2005 Posts: 11
Thanks For Response Posted: 07-22-05 16:28pm
In my last response, "health question"
actually meant health forum...Also, excuse
my french please :)
