Joined: 06 Apr 2005 Posts: 12 Location: St. Louis, MO
Nonfuctional Human Being Posted: 04-13-05 03:56am
I have been dealing with depression since
I was about 10 or 11 years old (i'm
turning 28 in a week). I went to a
therapist for a while, but had to stop
because I couldn't afford it. I have
been out of work for almost 9 months and I
just can't get up the ?Energy? To start
working again. I'm living with my
mother. I have dealt with everything
from being taken advantage of by older
guys when I was very young (starting at 11
years old), to my ex being hit and killed
by a semi while hitch hiking, to just
recently a miscarriage. I've been
cutting since I was about 13, not all the
time, but off and on over the years when
things get bad. I don't think I would
ever try to kill myself because my mother
would be the one to find me and I just
can't do that to her. But that is about
the only thing keeping me from doing it.
I can't sleep, I hardly ever leave the
house. I do cook dinner every night and
clean the house, but that is just to try
to make up to my mom for not working. If
it was just me here, I don't think I would
bother. I don't have anything, and my
mom can't afford to help me to get help.
Any suggestions?
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poetmcc
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 273
Hi Posted: 04-13-05 13:27pm
Hi msdee3 how are you? I hope you're ok.
You seem to have gone through so much pain
I your life and I am so sorry to hear
that. I can't offer you too much advice
i'm afraid, i'm a teenager and I have my
depression problems but here is a little
advice. Cutting helps only temporarily.
You feel it is an outlet for pain but it
causes more and more problmes and you will
end up desperate. Please please don't get
yourself into that situation. Your mother
needs and loves you. You love yourself
too but in the past I know that you seem
to feel that everything has turned against
you and its hard to believe. One thing
that mgith help is writing. Writing
cleanses your mind to have everything on
paper. Then maybe ytou would like to
think about your life now. I know
depression isn't one single point that
causes it that you could go back and
cahnge- various events might have led to
it (as in your case). Then imagine what
you want for yourself 10 years from now.
See what you can change, what you
cannot.
If you can't afford to go to a
proffessional, how about a friend you can
talk to? Some one who cares and who you
can confide in? A diary again may help.
Well take care of yourself and if you want
you can e-mail me privately (i don't know
if you want, i'm only a teen but if you
ever need someone to listen i'm there ok)
here is a quote I read on one of the other
forums on this site "everything will be
allright in the end and if it's not
allright, its not the end)
ps: i'm sorry to be loading up all this
advice. I think you are really brave to
at least ask for help. I have never been
able to. You are an inspiration to me by
asking for help and now maybe I can ask
for help too and I want to thank you so
much for that. Bye for now and keep me
posted on how are doing. :d
