Time to Break-up Or Are These Symptoms of Treatable Bipolar? Posted: 04-14-05 08:47am
I have been in a 1 and a half year
relationship with a girl from thailand.
I am canadian but have been living in
thailand for the length of this
relationship. In fact we have been
living together for the past year.
At various times throughout the
relationship she has behaved in worrying
ways. At other times she has made me
suspicious of her actions not to mention
concerned about her mental well being.
I know that I love her very much. When
she is good she is really good and this is
80% of the time. But when she is a bad
partner I must be honest in saying thatshe
is very hurtful.
Some of the things that she has done are
as follows.
She occasionally becomes very angry even
going as far as hitting me at times (over
quite minor details I might add).
Shortly after these outbursts she is very
forgiving and caring. She has always
said "that is the last time" but there
always seems to be a next time a couple of
months later.
She does things that she knows bother me.
The worst of which is going out about 2
times per week. Often during her
outings with friends I am aware that she
can be quite friendly and possibly
flirtacios with other guys. She will
often return home after these outings
quite late as well.
One of the worst things is that I have
reason to doubt her monogomy. In fact I
am pretty sure she has cheated on me at
one time or another. A friend of hers
actually told me that she has been with
another guy recently. I don't know if I
should trust her friend 100% but she is
believable. Which leads to the last
issue... Honesty.
She regularly "lies" to me and I catch her
out sometimes. I realise that this sort
of a trait of thais. They don't see it
as "lieing" but "not telling the truth" in
order to protect the other person as well
as their own face.
I'm not sure what to do. I really love
her when she is "normal" and she always
promises to change. Many of her actions
might indicate a mental problem or it
might just be moral depravation or even
cultural differences.
Any advice on this would be greatly
appreciated.
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Macias
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2005 Posts: 48 Location: , Germany
Hi Rammer Posted: 04-19-05 15:04pm
Hi,
I think you should give her some space
when she's not normal, bipolars needs to
be alone whne they are in depression, and
they could be very harmful when they
couldn't have this space.
And if you love her honestly so u have to
co-op with her and to understand her
disorder. Is she on medications? My
boyfriend is also bipolar, i'm in the same
situation as yours, i'm always worried
about my relationship with him. But I do
love him and want to continue.
I also think that she doesn't deserve
to break up with her just because of her
illeness, she has nothing to do with it.
I wish you happiness
macias
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josephcn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 May 2005 Posts: 4 Location: SATX
Would It Be Happiness If It Were Medicated? Posted: 05-11-05 23:06pm
I think that's the toughest question to
answer. Some people seem to have like an
identity crisis type bipolar where others
may not have the depersonalization but
still have other symptoms.
In the long run I don't think you should
feel bad about calling it quits.
Assuming that: 1. You're not married and
don't have any kids. 2. Even if it
could be medicated to make the situation
better, if you get married and have kids,
she most likely can't take meds while
pregnant. I have a co-worker who refused
to have a second child because when his
wife stopped taking medicine it put their
marriage in jeapordy. More of something
to think about than a reason to break-up.
3. In the end, what matters in your
integrity. In the end I think any
marriage could work as long as people care
for each other and share a common
foundation of values. You can sacrifice
which tv shows you watch or what music you
listen to for love, but you shouldn't ever
sacrifice your integrity for love.
That's my rambling.
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Fabi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jun 2005 Posts: 8 Location: PR
Bipolar Boyfriend Posted: 06-02-05 18:05pm
Hi, I understand exactly what you are
going through. Mi boyfriend is bipolar
and righ now he is going through his manic
phase. He just interned himself in a
psychiatric clinic and hopefully will get
out of this soon. All my friends and
family tell me to leave him, that I
deserve better, even himself tells me
that, but I love him when he is in his
"right head". They don't know what they
are doing whrn they get manic, they know
but they can't controll it. Try taking to
your girlfriend to see if she goes to a
psychologist who can diagnose this.
Anyone else with a boyfriend going through
this?
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miss_demeanour
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jun 2005 Posts: 6 Location: Canada
Posted: 06-20-05 23:59pm
Yes I believe my partner is going through
a manic phase...He is on meds lithium and
seroquel, but he still has highs and lows,
and lately its been worse than normal. I
guess what frustrates me is that I try to
help him, talk to him to hopefully make
him feel better, but nothing helps. I am
learning to build my own life apart from
him so that I have something for myself in
all of this chaos.
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Fabi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jun 2005 Posts: 8 Location: PR
Time to Forget Him And Go On? Posted: 06-21-05 08:07am
Hi miss demeanor, I know it's hard. My
boyfriend is in the hospital right now,
they were even thinking about giving
electro shock to him because they think it
will help a lot to balance his brain. I
don't think so, but they are the doctors.
Mine was taking seroquel to and some kind
of lithium but lighter. They are supposed
to be balancend and able to have a normal
life if they are on these pills. You
should check on him to be sure that he is
taking them as supposed because they lye a
lot about it. Mine will convince me that
he was taking them and I could tell he
wasn't because he was acting kind of
manic. Mi dad is a bipolar too and he
finally caught the bull by it's horns and
is kind of managing the problem really
well, but he knows he has to take
medication every day, even if he's been
without a manic phase over 3 years. But
it's easy for them to want to stop taking
pills because they sometimes make them
sleepy or shaky. I think before you start
making your life apart, you should think
if you want to deal in full with this
disease of him, and help him, convince him
to go every weeke to the psychiatrist and
psichologist, this helps a lot. If not, I
think you should split with him and
definitely make your life apart from him
because if they don't have a person
watching after them every day, they can't
do it by themselves. It's an energy and
emotions absorbing disease for the people
that love them, I know it's hard but it is
either take it all or leave it all.
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seksiHily
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2005 Posts: 1015 Location: MN
Posted: 06-21-05 11:29am
Simply put, if she doesnt agree to get
some form of help.
You tried, if u cant deal and she isnt
willing to get help. What more can u do?
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chaosbob
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2005 Posts: 148 Location: LA
Posted: 06-21-05 11:58am
Break up with her and go out with me
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cphilyaw
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Nov 2004 Posts: 95 Location: North Carolina
Posted: 06-21-05 12:45pm
Here is my opinion: 1st...I dont any of
the history between you two but what you
have just told us it sounds like very
unhealthy relationship aside from
"hitting" part. You have to look at it
this way (and in no manner am I telling
you flat out leave her, thats your
decision) but if you guys have been this
way for I think you said a yr anda half
then the ? You have to ask yourself is do
you see things staying the same or getting
worse or better? You know that if things
stay the way the are or get worse it is
unhealthy for you and her and can end up
doing more damage physically and
emotionally than if you called if off now
and just remained friends. But if she is
receiving help, treatment, ther., etc and
you see things turning around then why not
give it a shot. But if its getting worse
or not going to change then leave now
before you too far in to it.
2... To the htting part no matter what
circumstances a man nor a woman should be
hit, regardless or the situation. It is
harmful not only physically but can damage
a person mental and emotional state.
Good luck with what ever you decide to do!
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nikl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003 Posts: 32 Location: us
Posted: 06-21-05 16:05pm
I don't know if I would call her behavior
bi-polar. Maybe it is just possible that
she has a bad temper and can control it
sometimes and other times not. As far as
the cheating I was unaware that there was
a medical term for this(bi-polar?).
Cheating is cheating, people who do it
know it's wrong. I think she is playing
games and wants the best of both worlds.
The comfort from your relationship and
then wanting to go out and be with other
people and with this erupts arguments and
causes her to act the way she does. Sorry
to be so blunt but cheating and going out
and having temper tantrums does not equal
bi-polar just bad behavior on her part. I
am sorry that you are being put through
this though. Good luck
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shanti1
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2004 Posts: 87
I Really Like Fabi's Comment Posted: 06-24-05 07:52am
My ex-boyfriend is bipolar
i use to think mental disorders was just
made up, pyschiartry is psuedo science,
and that one should meditate, and find
balance and find who you are through your
own self
take courses if you want to be a better
person, or cognitive therapy
but not medication
but now, after dating this guy, I really
think that something is really wrong with
him
i am so broken hearted, as he was so kind,
would go on my roof and clean the gutters
out, would drive 13 miles one way just to
go to taco bell when I got a craving, and
on and on
he could be the sweetest, giving, gentle,
generous man
he always tipped so well when we ate out,
which was a lot
(i gained too much weight) anyways, cause
he knew waitress,waiters worked hard, and
got paid too little, I mean he was so nice
to them
and the world would see him as this
fantastic kind giving loving, funny,
charming, really intelligent man
and then, there is other side, where he is
another person
i see him as a hyprocrite, one hour he is
kissing me, hours later
he is yelling, cursing at me, for nothing,
veins popping out of his now red face, I
mean, nothing big happened.
We live in seperate homes, sepearate
money, no kids, no pets
i do not owe him anything
ugh,
so what he was upset was nothing, but
somehow in his mind it was everything.
I had to finally realize that if I were to
love this man, and be in a commited
relationship with him, then I would have
to fully step into it, and be there for
the good and the horrific
and well, I can not do it anymore. It is
a nightmare. I felt unsafe at times
and I said, no more. No matter how good
he is, no more.
I am looking at it, like he died, and I
can go through the mourning process.
I can not believe that some people are two
different people,
everyone can be grumpy, have bad, or off
days
but this was way too extreme, him being
fine, and crying hysterically the next
moment,
i gave too much,
i hope he will forever leave me alone
he just filled up my email mailbox with
all these awful, mean
letters, and it is not true, I only read
the subject heading, I will not open the
letters up, it is a game to him
i wrote too much, sorry
it is just so emotionally hard. :cry:
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Fabi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jun 2005 Posts: 8 Location: PR
Re: I Really Like Fabi's Comment Posted: 06-24-05 08:24am
Hi, im so sorry that this is happening to
you. Mine was exactly the same. So sweet
with waiters and nice to everyone
everywhere. Mi friends where envious of
me because I had the most loving boyfriend
ever!! But as you described your
boyfriends head red full of veins I could
remember mine like that too when he
exploded with no reason. Only, I would
tell him that it was enough and I was
going to leave him and he would
automatically change and say he was sorry.
But it's true, it's either accept them
like that or forget him and keep going o
with your life. Right now i'm in that
situation. I don't know what to do. Mine
is in the hospital, stable and back to
normal. Taking his medication every day
and he wants to come here to my country
and start all over again, or continue what
we paused because he went manic in europe.
He sounds really good on the phone and I
know he will be stable for a long time,
but I know too he will fall again in this
and stop taking his pills. I don't know
what to do because I love him so much.
Also I was in the hospital once and he
took care of me like if it was my mother.
He is such a noble good hearted person
when he is normal. He hasn't done that
bad as your ex, like calling and leaving
horrible emails, but I know he could in
the future if he gets manic again and I
leave him. My only hope is god. I'm
gonna try to push him to church, since he
is atheist because he wasn't raised with a
religion. I think people that don't have
god in their lives are vulnerable to this
things. As I mentioned my dad is bipolar
too and he finally realized that god could
help a lot, the faith in him and he opened
his heart to him and it has helped him
deal with this sickness better. Anyway,
if you though you wrote a lot, look at
this!! Aajajja. I hope you continue
happy in your life without him. I know
it's hard but there is no worst person
than the one that doesn't want to be
helped and you did your best with him and
he doesn't want to help himself so you
have to go on with your life. You'll find
a nice man that loves you like you
deserve. I'm going to keep trying myself
to deal with mine. My last hope, like I
said, is god. If he doesn't want to
accept him, I can't do anything else and I
will make the same decision you made. To
forget him.
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lauren-pope
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Dec 2005 Posts: 5 Location: Scunthorpe
Re: Bipolar Boyfriend Posted: 12-21-05 05:31am
fabi
wrote:
hi, I understand exactly
what you are going through. Mi boyfriend
is bipolar and righ now he is going
through his manic phase. He just
interned himself in a psychiatric clinic
and hopefully will get out of this soon.
All my friends and family tell me to leave
him, that I deserve better, even himself
tells me that, but I love him when he is
in his "right head". They don't know
what they are doing whrn they get manic,
they know but they can't controll it.
Try taking to your girlfriend to see if
she goes to a psychologist who can
diagnose this.
Anyone else with a boyfriend going through
this?
hi,
yes I am going though exactly the same as
you. I love him and I want him back to
normal. I dont want to leave him, but
sometimes it sounds like he wants to leave
me. I am so confused. And all my family
and friends tell me to leave him, but they
dont understand him. I understand him but
most of the time I am waiting around for
him. His family dont seem to let me know
what is happening! I need someone to tell
me what to do. I love him so musch and I
hate to see him hurting like this.
Everyont thinks he is a bad guy and that I
can do better, but I dont want to do
better, he is the one for me and I want to
see him get better.
Lauren
|
lauren-pope
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Dec 2005 Posts: 5 Location: Scunthorpe
Re: Bipolar Boyfriend Posted: 12-21-05 05:32am
fabi
wrote:
hi, I understand exactly
what you are going through. Mi boyfriend
is bipolar and righ now he is going
through his manic phase. He just
interned himself in a psychiatric clinic
and hopefully will get out of this soon.
All my friends and family tell me to leave
him, that I deserve better, even himself
tells me that, but I love him when he is
in his "right head". They don't know
what they are doing whrn they get manic,
they know but they can't controll it.
Try taking to your girlfriend to see if
she goes to a psychologist who can
diagnose this.
Anyone else with a boyfriend going through
this?
hi,
yes I am going though exactly the same as
you. I love him and I want him back to
normal. I dont want to leave him, but
sometimes it sounds like he wants to leave
me. I am so confused. And all my family
and friends tell me to leave him, but they
dont understand him. I understand him but
most of the time I am waiting around for
him. His family dont seem to let me know
what is happening! I need someone to tell
me what to do. I love him so musch and I
hate to see him hurting like this.
Everyont thinks he is a bad guy and that I
can do better, but I dont want to do
better, he is the one for me and I want to
see him get better.
