Hi guys, i've only just found these forums
and thought that maybe I could get some
advice on what to do as I really dont
know. Here's the situation..
Me and my girlfriend started going out
about 6-7 months ago, for a long time I
didn't realise she had any real problems
other than being a girl that sometimes
gets upset. We are both 21 and in our
final year of university.
In february I began to realise that she
was making herself sick after meals and
would eat all the biscuits, cereal etc in
my cupboards before disappearing off to
the toilet. She then told me, via text
message, as she seems unable to tell
people things face to face, that she
suffers from clinical depression. She
used to be on anti-depressants and have
counselling but came off them and stopped
the counselling about 2 years ago.
I have since found out that she has made
at least 2 attempts to kill herself, these
were a few years ago(though she has only
admitted one of them to me, a long talk
with her housemate/best friend has
unearthed a lot of this stuff). Also she
used to cut herself, as far as I know she
doesn't do this anymore though she could
well do I guess.
She's a slim, attractive girl but she
constantly says that shes fat, believe me,
she's the only person on the planet that
thinks she's fat. She's constantly
dieting and then breaking the diet which
makes her very low.
These problems are putting a big strain on
our relationship because she is always
hiding things from me and lying to me, and
it's so hard when she's depressed because
it makes me feel like she doesn't care at
all about me. I dont know if the eating
disorder causes the depression or vice
versa. I have never experienced anyone
with these problems before and desperately
want her to get over them because I love
her a lot.
Basically i'd like to know if there's
anything I can do to help her, or anything
I shouldn't do. I've spoken to her about
going back to see a professional and she
says she will though I get the impression
she's saying that to shut me up as she
doesn't see that she has a problem, even
though she's making herself sick every
day, or not eating. Should she go back on
anti-depressants?
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thunder_bunny
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 41 Location: Wisconsin
Posted: 05-03-05 18:10pm
Your girlfriend obviously seems to be
suffering from an eating disorder as well
as depression. She should definitely
seek out treatment. Not merely
anti-depressants, but therapy.
I believe the best position you can take
is to be supportive but stern. Tell her
you don't care what problems she has, that
you're going to love and accept her no
matter what. However, in order for this
to work, she needs to be honest with you
about everything. When she feels the
need to binge, when she makes herself
sick, if she feels sad and wants to cut
herself, she needs to tell you.
You might have to put your foot down about
her getting therapy. If she maintain a
relationship with you, and has any
interest in getting better, she has to be
pro-active about making a change. I'm
not sure how she would respond to an
ultimatum, but it might be the thing to
make her take you seriously.
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SeaBear
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 May 2005 Posts: 20 Location: Asheville, NC
Posted: 05-24-05 17:16pm
Well, i'm glad you are here!
I never in my life would have been able to
get my own self to a therepist. If this
is what she truly needs, perhaps you could
help her, by setting up a date with a
councelor, holding her hand all the way to
his/her office, and wait while she has her
session. Knowing that you care about
her, i'm sure, southes her soul,,,but she
is having such a hard time loving herself,
that it is hard to love aother. (this
may not be your case, but it was mine,,i
appologize if I presume too much)
perhaps directing her to this board, will
help her to know she is not alone, and
there are many here that have experienced
the same things.
Good luck to you both
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Jemini
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2005 Posts: 58 Location: Australia
Posted: 05-25-05 03:56am
Hi all.
Well I have been battling depression all
my life and have been diognosed
clinically. I'm in a serious
relationship, me and my boyfriend have
been together for almost three years now!
And it does take a very stong person to
have someone that at times can be weak.
Yetski, all you have to do is just be
there for your girlfriend no matter what!
It can be hard to see someone you love so
much go through the things that they do
and yes I know at times that you may not
be doing anything? Well actually your
doing alot by just being there!
I wouldn't know what i'd be doing if my
man wasn't in my life. I though do
sometimes feel bad that he puts up with so
much of my "dramas" I can feel selfish.
There have been times where I tend to push
him away, but he stands his ground.
If you seriously love her, what ever you
do, don't force her to do anything that
she doesn't want.
It took me years, yes yes it seems long,
but evenually your girlfriend will come
round and realise what she is doing. It
may even be with age....I'm almost 25. I
was pretty messed up when I entered my
early 20's.
Hang in there.
Oh never ever do ultimatums....It can back
fire.
But everyone is different.
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jesticle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 May 2005 Posts: 153 Location: Australia
Posted: 05-26-05 22:04pm
Yeah I agree never do ultimatums they do
tend to backfire pretty bad in some cases
ive had depressions for 4 years and had
two bf's during this stage the first
culdnt deal with it and eventually broke
up with me though he came to councelling
with me and did some for himself we also
did relatonship councelling which helped
me so much compliments seemed to be a big
facter with me right now everytime she's
down on herself give a compliment and
always re-assure her that your there no
matter how hard things get and no matter
how she treats you security with you may
mean security in herself. I think maybe
keep trying to encourage her to see somone
but remember to tell her your there
always.
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happy_sunshine_yan
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Mar 2005 Posts: 94 Location: Burnaby, BC, Canada
Posted: 05-26-05 22:32pm
It seems like your girlfriend's depression
is leading to eating disorders.... Since
she tries to throw up after she eats a big
meal... She probably is suffering from
bulimia.... She should seek medical help.
If she constantly throws up purposely
after eating, she can really damage her
esophagus, because everytime she throws
up, stomach acid comes up as well... And
the stomach acid can damage her
esophagus.
Coming from a person who has had
depression before, but not clinical
depression.... I think she should seek
medical help, but most of all... As her
b/f.... You should give her a lot of
emotional support, you pby can't do much
to help her, except to try to get her to
seek medical help, and be very supportive
of her. No matter how unreasonably upset
she is, be there to support her, let her
know you're there to support her. =) good
luck, and hope she gets better soon!
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jurplesman
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2004 Posts: 139 Location: Sydney Australia
Posted: 05-27-05 23:03pm
I agree with the other posters that your
girlfriend may have depression combined
with bulimia. The latter is particularly
difficult to treat and yes she should be
under the supervision of a psychiatrist.
The problem is that most professionals
have themselves difficulties in
understanding the causes, but there is no
doubt that the underlying causes are
biochemical and not 'psychological'.
The problem could have arisen initially by
the person putting on weight. Gaining
weight is one of the symptoms of
depression. This is because according to
the psychonutritional model, gaining
weight is due to the accumulation of fat,
when unused sources of energy in the form
of glucose are stored in the body. This
weight gain may have originally prompted
the person to go on a crash diet, which
inevitably would aggravate the underlying
depression. And so we see a vicious
circle in operation.
The psychonutritional model of depression
states that depression is in fact a
nutritional disorder, affecting the way a
person handles sugars in the food. This
is the universal source of biological
energy the brain needs to manufacture the
feel-good neurotransmitters, such as
serotonin. Without that energy reaching
the brain the person cannot produce
serotonin and thus experience happiness,
relaxation and contentment.
Brain starvation in the face of plenty, is
caused by insulin resistance, also called
hypoglycemia. This means that receptors
for insulin fail to push glucose across
cell membranes and so the cells are
starved of energy (glucose).
The non-drug treatment for this is the
adoption of the hypoglycemic diet as major
part of treatment.
This condition can be medically tested by
a special blood sugar test called the gtth
and which is described at our web site
as:
articles ---> “testing for
hypoglycemia....”
first I feel you should familiarize
yourself with the connection of depression
and nutrition.
Then I suggest that you look for a doctor
who is interested in clinical nutrition
and is familiar with hypoglycemia in
particular.
‘the doctor should be asked to perform
the gtth and put your girlfriend on the
hypoglycemic diet plus the various
vitamins and minerals.
Please read:
“articles ---> “depression and
nutritional disorder” at our web site.
Also “what is hypoglycemia?”
jurriaan plesman, ba(psych), post grad.
Dip. Clin. Nutr.
For more articles see free web site at
http://www.Hypoglycemia.Asn.Au
