Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 5 Location: west virginia
Very Bitter Towards Marriage. Posted: 05-04-05 11:46am
I have been going with this guy for 5
years. We are engaged and have been
living together for over 2 years. We
are not teenagers. He is 60 and I am 57.
I have been divorced for 15 years. He
has been divorced from his second marriage
for about 8 years. I know that he and I
will be together forever and we do have
things taken care of legally with wills
and etc. He does not want to ever get
married. His first two wives have turned
him against marriage. I have no
immediate family and I feel that getting
married is important to me. It will
give me a feeling of a having a spouse and
stepchildren. Everyone in his family
says that I am the best thing that has
happened to him. I feel he is the best
thing that has ever happened to me. Any
suggestions would be appreciated. I do
not want to pressure him. Thanks
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thunder_bunny
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 41 Location: Wisconsin
Posted: 05-04-05 12:02pm
What would you gain by getting married to
this man? You have the legal issues
taken care of and you're not going to have
children. What would you gain from a
marriage license that you don't already
have now?
I can understand your desire to be
married. But maybe if you give it some
more time he will come around.
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sunshinee98
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 5 Location: west virginia
Posted: 05-04-05 12:47pm
I would gain the feeling of having family.
I have nobody left from my immediate
family, no children, no brothers or
sisters and both of my parents are
deceased. I am never going to push him
into a marriage or even bring it up. I
am thankful that I have him....
Thanks
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thunder_bunny
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 41 Location: Wisconsin
Posted: 05-04-05 15:02pm
Well, I hope you'll someday get what you
want. Have you told him how you feel
about not being part of a family? I
believe because you live with him and plan
to be with him forever that you already
are family.
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poetmcc
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 273
Posted: 05-04-05 15:47pm
Hi sunshine. Well I think that you should
ask youself why his first two wives turned
on him? From this you might learn
something new about this guy? Also why
doesn't he want to get married? Is he
still getting over his divorce?
Good thing you said you wouldn't force him
into marrying. This might only cause more
trouvble b/c it is against his will.
You must really feel bad that you cannot
have immediate family right now. But you
said you are glad to have him so enjoy the
time with him, talk to him if you can (i
know you said you wouldn't bring it up but
you might want him to know how you
feel...?) if he doesn't you'll know that
you still love him and you tried.
Take care
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sunshinee98
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 5 Location: west virginia
Posted: 05-05-05 06:47am
He is very bitter because the first wife
ran around on him, the second took
control of the money and did not pay
bills and etc. He really did not have
anything in common with either. He and I
are so much alike plus we have the same
interests. We have great communications.
We talk about everything. He once
said that if I really wanted to get
married, we would but he is afraid that
piece of paper will ruin our
relationship.
Thanks for the responses. I will just
give it time, because I know that he and I
will be together forever.
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force9
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Aug 2005 Posts: 4 Location: England
What's to Be Gained By Being Married? Posted: 08-28-05 08:59am
Having been through a very painful
divorce, some 10 years ago, I know how I
feel.
As someone else has already said and I
share the feelings entirely.
What's to be gained by being married?
From my standpoint it's the worry of it
going wrong again. Men seem to really get
the raw deal when it comes to the
financial side of divorce.
After my divorce I feel deeply in love,
thought I never would. All she wanted was
to get married.
From a financial aspect, she had nothing.
I have a nice home, very good job and
total financial security.
If it wasn't for the fact that she became
pushy about this issue and going on the
mortgage, I would have married her.
But alarm bells started ringing.
That was ten years ago. Since then there
have been other men and if I had have
signed a licence she would have all the
financial security and I would have
nothing.
Clearly these are just my experiences but
marriage does have a financial aspect and
there is a certain balance about what one
person can put in, to a relationship,
compared to the other.
Sorry if I sound like just another one of
those men. I'm not.
