Don't Know How to Do This Posted: 05-13-05 09:22am
Hi
i have been in a relationship for a bit
more than 2 years now. He moved in with
me after 3 weeks and although our
relationship was hard straight from the
start, there was something that made me
stay with him. Here is the situation: he
does not work, has no intention of
working, he never goes out because he is
kind of afraid of people. Well, he will
never go out with me or on his own but
when his brother or his ex girl friend
used to come, he would follow them in the
car. Anyway, I ended up paying for
everything and I am putting myself into
debts( small debts but still debts). He
used to cuddle me a lot and was sensitive.
Now it does not want me around, if I try
to cuddle him he tells me to go away that
he is tired. Sometimes in the morning, he
will get up and not talk to me for hours.
As I said, we never go out, he stays on
his computer all day, we never do anything
together. I am not allowed to go out in
the evening or with friends at night and
not on holiday with mates as he does not
want to go anywhere. He is very selfish
and has no real feelings for me. I tried
to break up a few times but his reaction
scared me. He would not let me go, will
put himself in front of the door and told
me I could call the police that he will
not move. And after a while he calms
down, tell me he loves me....
So I thought I would stay with him and see
what happens but now I am pregnant and he
is playing up with my mind. I wanted to
have an abortion at first but he convinced
me to keep it. Then he told me he will
not look after this baby at all which
means financially it is impossible for me.
After that he told me he did not want
that kid and that if I keep it he will
leave me. After many thoughts I have
decided to go through an abortion but he
has changed his mind up now but I have
not. I cannot afford to waste my whole
life with someone who made me feel depress
since I have met him, have lost my self
confidence and made me miserable. I will
get rid off this baby and would like to
get rid off him but how could I manage? I
feel weak and scared of him, of what he
would do. He has never touched me but I
know once he is angry I would not trust
him at all. He lives with me in the
property am renting and never goes out.
Any advice on how I could manage?
Sorry for this long post,
thanks
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Troubled_mum_of_two1981
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 May 2005 Posts: 4 Location: MID-GLAMORGAN SOUTH WALES
Posted: 05-13-05 10:48am
My advice to you is leave while hes
sleeping or wait until hes in the
bath/shower and go and don't look back
once you leave you'll know you made
desision unlike me who's been trapped for
8 years.
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lili002
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 May 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 05-13-05 11:05am
I have tried once last year, he was in the
bath and I tried to leave. But I don't
know how he sensed it, he jumped from the
bath and came in front of me before I
could reach the door! And I can't when he
is sleeping, he wakes up for nothing!
Maybe I should try to talk to him again.
It is weird because some days I think our
relationship is not that bad, that I might
exagerate things and some others I think
what the hell am I doing with him? But we
do not live like a couple, we are more
like 2 flatmates who have sex from time to
time when he feels the need to. I wish I
could be strong and say that 's it I am
going goodbye! But as soon as he
talks(because he is a very good
manipulating man!) he traps me !
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Troubled_mum_of_two1981
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 May 2005 Posts: 4 Location: MID-GLAMORGAN SOUTH WALES
Posted: 05-13-05 11:39am
Well after 8 years of telling myself its
not that bad a relationship i've finaly
realised its one hell of a "bad"
relationship if you can't get out its bad.
Try talking I belive in talking but make
sure you make sure self heard and
understood tell him you think that your
falling out of love that usually gets them
listening. Good luck what ever happens.
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steen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2004 Posts: 1797 Location: Upper Midwest
Posted: 05-14-05 14:58pm
If you are not allowed to leave, then it
is called kidnapping. Holding you
against your will is illegal, never mind
if you are married or not.
And no, you do have the right to then
later come back for your possions, even
with a police officer present if it is
unsafe otherwise.
The local women's shelter helps women out
with this kind of stuff every day.
The isolation and weirdness sounds like
mental illness of some kind, and I would
be a bit careful about comitting yourself
to him unless he agrees to get help and
stay on the medications he is prescribed.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 05-14-05 15:34pm
I have been thru relationships like this
before, then they did not have places to
go like they do now. If you work or if
you do not, get a police to stand by while
you get your stuff out. If your stuff is
not that important to you, just dial 911,
when the police get their, explain the
situation to them and get the heck out by
either going to your parents or a woman's
shelter. Just get the heck out, do not
give into him or feel sorry for him, get a
restraining order, get the abortion and do
not allow people to put you down for this
as you are doing the right thing by
getting an abortion but get the abortion
as soon as you can, then you can start
having a better life for yourself.
Sincerely,
sandy
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babycat03
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Sep 2005 Posts: 21 Location: michigan
If You Work Posted: 09-13-05 17:57pm
If you work leave and never come home, you
say he dont leave the house so he will
just stay there, leave the apartment
contact the landlord and tell them the
situation, alot of them will work with you
and you will be free. Dont put up with
that lazy azz. You deserve better and so
does your baby. Get out before you have
that baby. You need to make sure you and
baby are safe and dont need to be
stressing over him, he is not worth it.
Lisa
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sarah4810
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Oct 2005 Posts: 9 Location: Tampa
Posted: 10-13-05 19:09pm
Good idea babycat.
Take the oppurtunity to leave when you go
to work. Whether you leave at lunchtime
from work or whatever. If your work has
a prob, let them know. Any woman would
understand.
