Help - Need Advice

If you are this unhappy, and really feel neither connection or sexual interest, it is time for a divorce. Break the news gently, over dinner at a nice restaurant, and calmly give all your reasons, and try to show him that somehow it is in his best interest as well.

Thank you stebroccm.

I will try to tell him this, but not in a public place because I don't want to make a scene. He will flip out for sure.

He is wanting to buy a house and I don't want to get into anything like that. Because the divorce will be that much nastier with real estate involved. I thank god we don't have children.

Pilleous,
i also had a hard time telling my ex that I wanted a divorce. Finally an opportunity arose where I could just spit it out. Someone gave me the suggestion though at the time which i'll give to you. If you can't say it to him maybe write it all down in a letter and then be there when he reads it.

Best of luck to you!

Thanks tarbaby, I still haven't told him yet, but I have my reasons. Just last night he told me he'd marry me all over again. Our 2 year anniversary is june 21st. Then he asked me if I would and I said, "maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't.... Part of me will always want children" I said. He is dead set against having kids.

We are in a band together and we've been working really hard for the past 2 years. I want to at least play a few gigs before I drop the bomb on him. We've all worked so hard to get this far.

I know when our marriage breaks up, one of us will have to leave the band or it will break up, so i've decided to stay married awhile for the good of the band.

Somehow I accidentally started a new thread instead of replying to this one but I see you found the response :oops:

Yes, I did.

Perhaps you just need some time away from him. Maybe try a separation. Time will tell you if you really love him or not. Maybe you just need a break from him....You seem very hesitant about telling him you want a divorce. Maybe you are not sure yourself? I am a firm believer in marriage counseling also. Just make sure you know what the problem is before you try to solve it. Good luck.

Thanks lovinmom4. That is great advice. We are going to try counseling. I really don't want to get a divorce but i'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him either. Sometimes we have a lot of fun together and other times we just fight like crazy. I'm very confused these days.

I am glad to hear you two are willing to try counseling. That , to me, means you want to work things out. Sometimes women (and men) go thru strange periods in their lives and it makes them confused. Not sure of what they want out of life. Counseling can help you find the problem. And , hopefully, resolve it. I wish you the best of luck and I sincerely hope your marriage survives this test. Your marriage can grow and stregthen from this "stormy" time. Best wishes.

Lovinmom, since our last fight my husband is really trying to be nicer and sweet to me. Since we just had our 2nd anniversary last week, things have been pretty good and we seem to be getting along better. We are scheduled on july 6th for our first appt. With the marriage counselor.

To my surprise, here lately I have actually seen the guy I fell in love with and it makes it alot easier to be the girl he fell in love with. When he's all freaked out and angry all the time it affects me badly and I don't want to be around him. We need to get to the root of the way we affect eachother and the negativity it causes to our relationship.

You are very perceptive and I appreciate your advice very much lovinmom.

Yes I am glad that you both are putting forth an effort for your marriage. No one wants to be around someone that is angry and hateful. But there must be an issue with him. Maybe insecurity? Whose to say. Maybe when you all get into a screaming match or name calling......Nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand. I know it can be hard to do. But maybe just calmly say....I will not talk with you when you are this upset... We both need to calm down, then we can discuss the problem. As far as name calling, this is lack of respect for each other. I have been there, done that. It is not good for either of your self esteem. Remember......A marriage takes work. It can be stressful. But it takes two to argue.....2 to fight....And 2 to make it work. You can find the man you fell in love with...And vice versa. Again.....Good luck

Before we got married there was never any name calling. I never call him names unless he calls me one first. 8 months after we were married, he was diagnosed with hepatitis c. That's when things started to deteriorate. He's always hated his job and that has alot to do with his anger. The hepatitis just added to it.

When he starts his yelling and slamming around stuff I usually leave and that makes him even more mad. But I am not going to sit there and have him tell me i'm a f'd-up individual or have him say f-you to me.

If I tell him to calm down he gets more upset and says, "what, i'm not allowed to get angy?"

what am I supposed to do? I can't be around him when he's like that. It makes me very uncomfortable and scared. He says he's not going to hit me but I still don't like being around someone who is always in a pissy mood. It brings me down and I don't need to be any more depressed than I already am. I take prozac for depression.

I've lived with other men before and never had this kind of problem. He on the other hand has only lived with one other woman, his ex-wife. They were together 14 years. Maybe she put up with that kind of verbal abuse but i'm not.

Yesterday when I got home from work he was in a very pissy mood again, probably because of his work. But today is his birthday and I hope things will be pleasant after work.

I am having the same problem as u...Im only 15 tho and ive been wit my bf for almost 2 yrs and I use to think I was in love now its like I dont really love him any more I dont even want to have sex with him and I really enjoy sex..I am even talking to this one guy and I seem to like him but he has a gf which just makes it even worse..We argue alot..Over even the stupidist things and we are together 24/7..We have been through alot he has cheated on me and I think maybe thats wat has made me loose interest..Anyone can help plz do..Thanks

Your 15 !!! Your not married and your so young, there is no need at all for you to hold onto this relationship. If you are not happy then there is no reason to be with him. Get out there and meet some new people. You cannot know what you like and dis like in a man if you do not go out there and date. Its over between you and him and by prolonging the break up all you both are doing is making it so that you cant move on and meet that next person who will play an important imact in your life. Sure what you had with him is special so take what you learned from that and move on and use your experience with your next relationship and so on.


*15 year olds are not meant to be monogamous. Get out there and enjoy your childhood.. It only happens once. Trust me.

Well I agree..U know that guy I said ive been talking to well now I like him alot and hes all I think about and even when im wit my bf I think of him and when he kissed me or we actually had sex I was thinking of this guy..Its weird..But he has a gf so its even harder on me...He was suppose to come over to hang out but he didnt show up and he wont answer my phone calls..I duno wat to do...So confused

We've been to the marriage counselor a few times now. Had to cancel twice because my husband's work made him stay late. Things are better but not fixed. It's going to take some hard work. I still don't feel like i'm in love anymore. I guess it's because of the damage done by the name calling and fights in our marriage.

Marriage is hard work. I'm finding that out. Do not get married unless you're absolutely 100% sure of your feelings.

Thats what I think. I got married when I was 19, I had been with him for 2 years. Then we were married 2 years, this summer we got a divorce. He wanted to be single again.
I think its great that you are trying to work things out. I think that is the more responsible thing to do.

Thanks for the encouraging reply anna. :) we are still trying although I can't say for sure it's going to work out. I think it's my fault because my feelings have changed. My husband still loves me very much and i'm trying to get the feelings back, I once had.


Quote from gordon lightfoot:

" I don't know where we went wrong, but the feelings' gone and I just can't get it back "

I am so sorry that you feel that way. But you must go with your feelings in the end, even if its the harder way. Its not fair to you or him to keep going on like this. I think this is what happened to me and my husband. He just decided that he didn't love me anymore and wanted to be single. But either way your situation will work out for the best in the end, even if it seems difficult right now. Listen to your heart.