I have been in a serious relationship for
the past five years--my only real
relationship actually. My girlfriend is
without a doubt the best friend I have: I
can talk much more easily than other
people, and we have a degree of comfort
with each other that I don't have with
others. We have trust, care, and
personality compatibility.
We have problems, though, such as her
being excessively depressive (she has
major depression, compulsive overeating
disorder, and avoidant personality
disorder, but refuses to see a therapist)
and ready to lay blame, and our parents
create serious problems for us. She is
also moving 400 miles away in a couple of
months.
The biggest problem, though, is that I am
just not sexually attracted to her
anymore. I feel shallow and shameful for
this, and wish that I did find her
attractive, but in the past two years, she
has gained over one hundred pounds due to
her cycle of depression-binge
eating-greater depression-greater binge
eating-etc. And she is still continuing
to gain, despite trying to go on diet
after diet. We still are able to have
sex, but it is less frequent, more
labored, and honestly, I think about other
people when we do it. And we're only in
our early 20s.
And sex is not the only concern I have
relating to her weight gain--her current
weight puts her in class ii obesity,
meaning she is at high risk for serious
illness early in life--so I fear that she
won't always be around, or at least not in
any condition to enjoy life.
So, my question is, should I break up? I
don't want to lose her friendship, but I
just don't know if continuing with this is
the best investment of my life, time, and
energy. I am generally energetic, but
feel weight down by all of this. And I
don't see any likelihood of the situation
turning around.
Any thoughts? Thanks
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subie90
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2005 Posts: 19 Location: Louisville,Ky.
Posted: 06-03-05 19:41pm
Obviously she isn't happy. This is making
you unhappy. She has problems that she
needs help with. She needs to see it that
way before anything can be done about it,
and until that happens it isn't going to
get any better for you i'm afraid. Maybe
her moving 400 miles away is for the best.
If you are true companions that will last
even if you are apart, you will see and
time will tell. The seperation will
probably be great for you the way you are
feeling. Give yourself some space to
explore other options and examine your own
feelings and motives more closely. Have
you told her and explained to her all of
the things you have posted on here? That
would be my first start if I were you, if
you haven't already. Sounds like you are
a caring person, she needs to meet you
50/50 with some effort even if it is only
on herself. Good luck.
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Pilleus
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2004 Posts: 109 Location: Florida
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 06-13-05 10:46am
I agree her move may be a blessing in
disguise. Just tell her you want to stay
friends but don't want to be in a long
distance relationship. You are obviously
not in love with her if you are not
sexually attracted to her anymore.
Believe me, I know because i'm going
through the same thing in my marriage.
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subie90
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2005 Posts: 19 Location: Louisville,Ky.
Posted: 06-13-05 21:00pm
Can't you be in love with someone and not
be sexually attracted to anyone? Some
people are that way when they are
emotionally troubled or stressed. Or
older!
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lovinmom4
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2005 Posts: 37
Posted: 06-28-05 06:45am
I agree.....She is obviously not happy
with her life. She really needs to seek
help. Not necessarily for the
realationship, but for her wellness. If
you love her, maybe you should keep
encouraging her to get help. You should
be happy,also. You cannot make her get
the proper help. All you can do is
support her. She must be willing to
change her lifestyle. I truly hope she
finds happiness within herself. Best of
luck to you both.
