Well tonight my mam found boxes of empty
tablets in my bag, I thought I could hide
it but I was wrong. I have been taking
overdoses over the past few weeks and now
my parents know. I'm so pissed off
because my therapist told me that if I
take anymore tablets I have to go to the
hostipal and I really really do not want
to go to the hostipal, no way.
So tomorrow I have to tell my therapist
what i've been doing and i'm so afraid
that she'll send me straight away, I
really wish this was not happening, I
can't keep going on like this because its
confusing me and preventing me from
getting anywhere in my recovery even
though I don't know if I want to recover
from my eating disorder.
I don't want to go through this again,
these stupid tablet situations are so
messy and something always gets messed up
or I end up in limbo waiting to go to the
hostipal or back into therapy. This is
getting ridiculous.
How can I sleep tonight when I know that
tomorrow could turn out so badly, I hate
that I have to wait so long before
anything happens, I wish I could just tell
my therapist now and get it over with.
I hate myself right now because I am
letting everyone down. I promised my
therapist that I wouldn't take anymore
tablets and now that I have she'll be so
disappointed in me, how could I be so
selfish and after all she's done for me,
after all everyone has done for me.
Maybe I was not meant to recover from
this, perhaps I was meant to go through
this for a reason and never end up
recovering, whatever i'm meant to be doing
its not much fun right now.
I should be in school studying for my
final year, this year would of been my
last and then I would have been free from
school but if I had the chose I would pick
school anyday over this.
Well I better go, I am going to smoke my
brains out and try to go to sleep at
sometime tonight. I hope you are all well
and taking care of yourselves. I hope to
write soon!
Jenny
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poetmcc
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 273
Posted: 05-17-05 19:43pm
Hey jenny your post sounds grim again! :(
:cry:
please don't od again but you said "maybe
I was not meant to recover from this."
that's not true. You will recover, you
deserve to recover, no one deserves to
live like this and you will get better.
Please don't say that agin. I almostcried
when I read that.
Everyone deserves to recover from an
eating disorder and in your case now
suicidal thoughts.
See your therapist if you can. I know you
think you are a bad person because
everyone has doen so much for you but i'm
sure they don't think that. I'm sure
thought your parents might be upset that
you are not heeding their advice and
appreciating their help, they want their
daughter to live. They love you, i'm
sure. So even though those thougts that
you're terrible are in your head they are
not true. I think you are a very good
person as you are reaching out to others
on the forums for help and giving other
advice who need it.
Sorry to hear about your school. Maybe
you can try agin when you are feeling
better. You will do better when your
health is improved so maybe it is the best
to wait.
Btw, what would you like to be when oyu
grow up? If you thought about this, maybe
it could hlep keep you motivated about
your future...
You take care and keep your chin up.
Please post agin, you are in my thoughts I
am so worried about you and I want to know
how you are doing. Bye for now...
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waterbaby3214
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 May 2005 Posts: 31 Location: Michigan
Posted: 05-18-05 03:11am
Hey it's me ! I hope you're feeling ok
now. You do not deserve to die.You are a
brilliant person and it would ne a sin for
your life to go to waste.You have to fight
this please ! You say that you could be
in sixth year now.But sixth year can be
repeated,you can have another go at
that.You can't get another go at life.So
please,believe all the stuff you have told
me and you will recover.You can do this
jenny.And your parents,your sister,me and
all your friends and counsellors will
never give up on you because we can see
how cool you are and we love you not
matter what. You may think that things
would be easier for others if you weren't
here but believe me they wouldn't.I can't
imagine losing you and we've been talking
for just a week.Imagine how your parents
feel and your sister.The last thing they
want to happen is to lose you.You can get
throughthis.Millions have before you and
millions will after you.You deserve to
live a long and happy life and I pray that
you do. Sorry no pink writing in this one
! Take care xxx
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tankergirl8386
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Sep 2005 Posts: 1 Location: North Carolina
Popping Pills Posted: 09-06-05 21:54pm
Please wuit popping pilss!! I used to pop
pills especially when I was upset or
depressed and I finally popped so many
pills that I put myself in the hospital
and it was not fun. They gave me ivs and
pumped my stomach. I could not stand so I
decided to stop. If you keep popping
pilss you could put yourself in the
hospital or even die. I found my stomach
is not the same and is messed up because
of it. I hope you stop because it can
hurt you in the long run. Take care.
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lostoyou
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jan 2004 Posts: 170 Location: Ireland
Posted: 09-09-05 19:16pm
Ah your very good for writing to me but I
wrote that message awhile ago and haven't
taken tablets in about 2 months. My main
aim in life is to be thin and then i'm
hoping that will kill me.
I don't really like living I don't see the
point to it really so I hope I don't live
too long because i'll be pretty pissed
otherwise.
Anyway after nearly a year of overdosing
on tablets i;ve done alot of damage to
myself, like my organs and stuff.
It nice of you to write to me though, I do
appricate it.
I hope you aren't still taking tablets,
they really can mess you up alot.
Thanks again
