I’m 19 years old and my boyfriend is
turning 20 next week. We have been
together for 3 years and 3 months. I love
him with all that I am and he is also my
first love. We have different
backgrounds, in both religious and
cultural. I am from east africa and he is
from pakistan. We are different sect of
muslims.
In the beginning, my parents disapproved
of our relationship and during that time,
fahad was great with me. He was perfect
in every sense. A year or so into it, as
my parents gradually got used to him being
in my life, fahad changed. To some
extent, he started taking me for granted
but other factors that contributed to this
was the way he loses his temper all the
time over nothing, his impatience and his
stubbornness, as well as his pride. He
believes that since he is a male, he is of
the stronger sex…
when he calls me, it’s when he wants to
call me…and it’s at a certain time.
If I call him a few minutes before or
after the designated time, he flips out on
me. He times our conversations and makes
sure that they don’t exceed 5
minutes…can be shorter than but not
longer. If I ask him to talk to me for a
couple of minutes longer, he will
literally count out those 2 minutes and
they will be exempted from our next
conversation the next day.
We meet 1-2 times a week…it cannot be
more than 2. Every time I ask him to see
me more, he tells me, in no uncertain
terms, that he has better things to do
than see me all the time. Again, what
time he shows up is all upon him, there
are times that i’ve had to wait 5
minutes for him, and there are times that
i’ve waited close to 4 hours for him to
make his appearance. But yet, if i’m
even 30 minutes later, he will have a cow
over it.
He always tells me how much i’m holding
him back and what not and that I don’t
support him enough…if he decides to do
something and that doesn’t work out, he
will lay the blame on me. Any problems in
our relationships are all ‘my’ fault
– I shouldn’t have said that, I ruined
the day, I shouldn’t have mentioned
this, I shouldn’t have done that –
it’s amazing how he can do that…even
when I know that it’s not my fault,
somehow he will turn everything around in
such a way, that I actually start
believing him. If he gets mad, it’s
because I did so and so or I said so and
so…
fahad hasn’t been working or going to
school the past 2 years, and I have been
doing both. All he does is stay home and
play his computer game – warcraft to be
exact. During many instances, he’s
chosen his computer game over meeting me,
or talking to me on the phone.
Last week, I lost my grandpa and even when
fahad knew that I needed him, he still
wouldn’t pick up my calls until it was
convenient for him. On the day of my
grandpa’s funeral, he called me a health
forum and got mad at me over something so
stupid…i begged him to wait until
another day to get mad and that I had just
buried someone I loved deeply…but he
said that he didn’t give a crap about
who I had buried and the only way I would
learn my lesson is by what he was dishing
out. Somehow, he has taken it upon
himself to ‘straighten’ me out…says
i’m spoilt and selfish…
yesterday, he broke up with me…but
before he did that, he somehow didn’t
get his way and he bit himself…when I
tried to intervene, he bit me too and even
today, I have the marks of his teeth on
the back of my hand…he didn’t
apologize even though I was crying so I
don’t even know if he realized…as for
the breaking up, i’ve tried leaving him
but some how I always get drawn back into
this…i don’t know why it’s not easy
for me…i love him so much…i want to be
able to resist calling him and stuff…
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 05-17-05 16:32pm
He is not worth your time! Move on! He
was not there when you needed him! He
has hurt you soooo bad. He has noooo
respect for you and he will not change.
Why waste your time on him?
Good luck!
Sincerely,
sandy
|
Fazilla
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2005 Posts: 2 Location: Canada
Hi Posted: 05-23-05 21:08pm
Today is his bday...I decided to see him
merely because I had spent a fortune on
his gift and I wanted to give it to him -
I couldnt return it because his name was
engraved on it - we had lunch and a
movie...It seemed to be going great until
later on down the road. A mutual friend
of ours that he doesnt like called me up.
Fahad flipped! He called this friend up
and gave him heck for it...Warned him to
stay away from him and wut not...When I
tried to get fahad to simmer down and hang
up, he slapped me...Never saw that
coming...
I wish there was a way to make this
work...Even his friends dont understand
where he is coming from...I know...I
should break up with him...Hopefully ppl
out there have some solutions besides
that?
|
vanessalouanne
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2005 Posts: 2269 Location: ,
Posted: 06-14-05 12:50pm
When a man hits you no matter what you
should get out. You cannot change
someone and you are still only dating. I
understand that you have a lot of time
invested into the relationship and that
it's hard to walk away from your first
love but you have to get out as soon as
you can. Dont become anymore commited.
The sooner you leave the easier it will
be. Make a list of whats positive about
him and whats negative. I think you know
which list will be longer. Be strong.
No man is better then you and you deserve
a lot better.
|
Unhappy and unsure
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jun 2005 Posts: 20
Posted: 06-14-05 13:09pm
Vanessalouanne is absolutely right.
No matter how much time you have invested,
a relationship is about equality and love
not about dominance and abuse.
It may have started with a bite and a slap
but pretty soon it would get worse. A
black eye or a broken bone.
Then...One day he may go too far and
everyone will be left missing you. Buring
another member of the family they loved
deeply...You.
I know its gotta be hard, but you need to
love yourself, your life, more than you
love him.
Dont let everybody one day say "i never
knew he could do this" as they overlook
your casket.
I dont mean to be overdramatic, but I
really hope you make the right choice.
Good luck & god bless =)
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