Don't Know What to Do, Please Any Advice? Posted: 05-18-05 13:20pm
Hello!
Since I found out I was pregnant, I have
been all over the place emotionnally.
First I was shocked and so was my
boyfriend. We talked about it and I
talked to my family about it. My family
was delighted, which was good. We decided
to keep the baby. But since then, my b/f
has changed his mind telling me we were
not ready for it, he did not want to look
after it... My partner and I have been
together for 2 years but it is far from
being an easy relationship. He does not
go out at all and therefore does not work.
He is very selfish and can be very
ignorant to me. When I told him I have
booked a consulatation appointment for an
abortion he went all emotional saying I
was 10 weeks pregnant and if I did not
want this baby just to give it to him
after the birth.
A part of me does not want to abort, I am
28 and work full time but another part of
me thinks that maybe keeping the baby will
be the worst decision I will ever make. I
am not sure of our relationship and am
scared being a single mum because I live
in another country than my original one
and has only 2 friends. Those friends are
telling me I will waste my life. I really
do not know what to do. I am afraid of
regretting having an abortion but am
terrifed of keeping the baby. Anybody who
had a similar experience?
Thanks
|
steen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2004 Posts: 1797 Location: Upper Midwest
Posted: 05-18-05 13:45pm
He doesn't sound like mateiral for looking
after anything but himslef. I don't know
about his family, they might be ok?
Abortions at 10+ weeks is a somewhat
involved procedure, and every day you
wait, it will be harder to get it.
First off, are you sure you want an
abortion. I am not asking whether you
feel you need to have it, but about
whether you actually want to have the
abortion. Because otherwise you might
want to contact crisis pregnancy centers,
your parents and the county social
services for assistance. It might be
possible for you to carry to term, or even
to raise the kid on your own if you get
enough help. But be forewarned.
Pregnancy and single motherhood is
sometimes tough. You do mention though,
that you have friends. What are they
telling you?
But if you really feel hopeless about
being pregnant or feel that you can not
endure the pregnancy even with help, then
abortion is an option to look into. But
you can't wait to long. You might be
only 1-2 weeks away from where many states
put limits on whether you can have an
abortion or not, so if nothing else, you
better call and schedula an appointment.\
now, places like planned parenthood does
have you meet with one of their
counselors, and if they find that you are
trapped but do want the kid, they can
refer you to resources that can help you.
Otherwise, they will go through your
options for abortion with you. You can
find your local planned parenthood here:
http://www.Plannedparenthood.
Com/pp2/portal/healthservices/findhealthce
nter/
|
SeaBear
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 May 2005 Posts: 20 Location: Asheville, NC
Posted: 05-25-05 20:29pm
I found a lot of local support from one of
the midwifery places near me. I made
friends that were going through similar
oohs and oows, and had feelings all over
the map.
Perhaps there is something similar where
you are?!?
And talk to your boyfriend about
everything! Don't hesitate on disagreeing
or having mixed feelings....If you all are
creating a life together, or spliting way,
what ever, it's best to have the support.
Either way you go, I wish you luck. Draw
in the positive around you!
|
sarahk
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2005 Posts: 108 Location: England
Posted: 05-26-05 03:13am
I had an abortion two years ago.
The best advice someone gave me when I
fell pregnany was 'only have an abortion
if you are 100% sure, if there's doubt you
will later live to regret it'. I wich I
had taken her advice!
My boyfriend pushed me into having my
abortion and it wasnt until after the
abortion that I realised that baby was
mine, I wish I had disregarded his
comments, I would have been ok. I could
have managed, it would have been me and my
son/daughter!!!!
On the other hand if you are sure that you
want an abortion, you havent got an awful
lot of time left. You need to get it done
as soon as possible, the later you leave
it, the more complicated the procedure.
It sounds to me that the pregnancy has
made you realise your true feelings
towards your partner. If you decide
abortion, I would recomend reconsidering
your relationship with him.
Good luck! X
|
lili002
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 May 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 05-26-05 03:58am
Sorry this one will be shorter as the one
I just wrote has just disappeared and did
not save it. What I was saying is that I
booked an appointment for an abortion but
still have until thursday to cancel it.
My emotions are still all over the place.
My b/f wants me to keep the baby but he
won't look after it, will have me working
all day because he does not like when I am
on holiday, it does not like me being at
home. He will get his food, money, play
with the baby, he will have a beautiful
life. For me it will be going to work
full time, have no attention from him, no
help from him. I told him I did not want
to keep the baby and he answered I was not
the centre of the world, I did not matter
whatsoever but the baby did a great deal.I
live in the uk and I will have to be at
the hospital for 7.30 am. I will have to
leave the day before and find an excuse
otherwise he will not let me go. If I
decide to do it, I do not know in which
state he will be in and I don't want to
imagine the damage he will cause to the
house, etc...
He has conditionned me for more than 2
years making me think he is the best man I
can ever get, that nobody is really happy
in their relationship, they just pretend,
that life will never be nice to anybody
and I know deep down it is not true but I
became so docile. I am so afraid of
hurting his feelings. I will waste his
happiness about being a daddy but my
friends told me why do I care after all he
has done. I am so afraid of going through
this abortion because it means a whole
change of life. I would like to be free
though, I know if I stay with him and have
the baby I will be even more depressed
than now and no way of leaving him with
his kid, I can forget about this. He will
have more power on me. At this stage I do
recognise what he does but kind of feel
paralised.
Is it me being a coward, selfish?
Thanks for reading.
|
SeaBear
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 May 2005 Posts: 20 Location: Asheville, NC
Posted: 05-26-05 10:48am
Okay, if that is you relationship with him
- disregaurd what my past post said!
:roll:
seriously, hun, think about it. You are
all that you really have got. If you
aren't being treated like the goddess that
you are, (and it isn't just the hormones,
because you must keep in mind,,,you've got
a lot going on in your body right now!)
then you need to do what is best for
you.
Be strong! Stand up for yourself,
please! You are worthy of feeling happy,
and worthy, and if he isn't going to help
you move through this, if he isn't going
to protect you, and make sure that you
come first, if he is going to control you,
and you are unhappy with that - then I am
sure you already know what you have to
do.
You are strong! Even though at time we
feel weak,,,if you know in your heart that
the baby would not be raised in positive,
conductive environment. And furthermore,
if it is not time for you....Do what is
truly in your heart.
It will hurt, undoubtably, but you can
find happiness within, and throughout if
you are with good company. Be it
yourself, or many many friends that you
can have when you are not being repressed
by someone else's will.
|
lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004 Posts: 6492 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 05-27-05 11:11am
Well first off whatever you decide....
Get rid of this guy! He is not a man, he
seems more like a free-loading leech.
Secondly, i'm not sure how things work in
the states but meet with a counselor
before thursday. How far along are you?
If the only reason you are not thinking
of keeping this pregnancy going is because
of the father, don;t do it. Your family
seems very supportive and i'm sure will
help you. Ultimately this is your
decision alone to make , no one elses.
Good luck with whatever you decide and
keep us posted please.
|
lili002
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 May 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 05-31-05 11:19am
Hi!
Thanks all of you for your support and
comments. I talked to my b/f about all
this and he reacted well. He said he did
not realise how I really felt and since
has been very good. I am depressed at the
moment and hormones are making it really
bad. We spent long hours talking about my
fears and everything he was not doing
etc.... And things look better now. I
have decided to keep the baby and if
things go for the worse, I could still go
back to my family to get support. But I
will try to trust him on this, he really
wants to make it work and hopefully he
will stick to what he told me.
Thanks again to all of you.
|
franciscangirl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 3 Location: Steubenville, Ohio
Conversation With a Woman In Your Position Posted: 06-20-05 10:49am
If you can get high speed internet access,
this may help, but you have to watch the
whole thing!!
Joined: 18 Nov 2004 Posts: 1797 Location: Upper Midwest
Posted: 06-21-05 13:11pm
Please leave false prolife lie site links
to the debate forum. This is a support
site. Posting scare mongering lies is
not considered good form here.
|
franciscangirl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 3 Location: Steubenville, Ohio
Posted: 07-08-05 13:12pm
Well, it is certainly not false under any
circumstances, unless of course you are
god and you know all, but I do apologize
for any inconvenience.
|
MacChick
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Aug 2005 Posts: 1
Help Please! Posted: 08-20-05 03:59am
Hi I was wondering if you could help me
decide what I should do
i've recently found out I was pregnant but
i'm only 16. I was with the father 2 3
moths before I slept with him (he was my
1st) I broke up with him 2 moths ago now.
My mum would kill me if she knew and I
dont no what to do. The doctor told me he
didn't think my body was big enough to
carry a child and that I had very high
toxin level (because my liver doesn't
work) and that if I continued with the
pregnacy they would increase and could
have a fatal affect on me and my baby.
I dont really believe in abortions but I
dont see what other choice I have. I only
have my friends to talk to and they dont
no what I should do either
i so scared please help
|
oopoopoop
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Mar 2004 Posts: 1251 Location: ,
Thanks: 43
Thanked:2
Posted: 08-20-05 09:00am
Macchick - you say you "don't believe in
abortions" -- what exactly do you mean by
that? What is it you don't believe in,
and why?
If you don't "believe in" abortion, does
that mean you do believe in staying
pregnant no matter what the circumstances
are? Even if it will kill you? What is
the point of that?
You need to get some real counselling
about this. No one will force you to have
an abortion, and obviously if you think it
is the wrong choice for you, then that is
your choice. But then I guess you need to
be pretty brave, and accept that it could
kill you.
Good luck.
|
zoysite
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Mar 2006 Posts: 1 Location: Phoenix
Re: Help Please! Posted: 03-18-06 09:57am
This happened to my best friend, too.
I'll tell you this, firstly, no one
sensible, and certainly not god, is going
to look down on you for saving your own
life. If you are physically in danger,
there is nobody in this world that will
tell you to die for the fetus (well, maybe
some crazy people, but that's it).
Also, you should tell your mom. You are
her daughter and she will always love you,
no matter what, and chances are that she
has had experiences in her life that can
help shed light on your decision making
process. I'm 20, and even now I would be
scared too to tell my mother, because i'm
afraid that she would look down on me and
pressure me into abortion, but I i've
decided that if I am pregnant, i'm going
to tell my mother about it, even if it is
after the abortion that I wait to tell
her, because I know that she had an
abortion once, and she could probably help
me cope with it. Also, if you have any
friends that have been pregnant before, or
even an older sister or her friends, that
would be good, and they will be very
supportive and not look down on you.
macchick
wrote:
my mum would kill me if she knew and I
dont no what to do. The doctor told me
he didn't think my body was big enough to
carry a child and that I had very high
toxin level (because my liver doesn't
work) and that if I continued with the
pregnacy they would increase and could
have a fatal affect on me and my baby.
|
jaime_elms
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 498 Location: newcastle
Posted: 04-18-06 03:27am
Hi there did u go through with the
abortion!!!!
lili002
wrote:
sorry this one will be
shorter as the one I just wrote has just
disappeared and did not save it. What I
was saying is that I booked an appointment
for an abortion but still have until
thursday to cancel it. My emotions are
still all over the place. My b/f wants
me to keep the baby but he won't look
after it, will have me working all day
because he does not like when I am on
holiday, it does not like me being at
home. He will get his food, money, play
with the baby, he will have a beautiful
life. For me it will be going to work
full time, have no attention from him, no
help from him. I told him I did not want
to keep the baby and he answered I was not
the centre of the world, I did not matter
whatsoever but the baby did a great deal.I
live in the uk and I will have to be at
the hospital for 7.30 am. I will have to
leave the day before and find an excuse
otherwise he will not let me go. If I
decide to do it, I do not know in which
state he will be in and I don't want to
imagine the damage he will cause to the
house, etc...
He has conditionned me for more than 2
years making me think he is the best man I
can ever get, that nobody is really happy
in their relationship, they just pretend,
that life will never be nice to anybody
and I know deep down it is not true but I
became so docile. I am so afraid of
hurting his feelings. I will waste his
happiness about being a daddy but my
friends told me why do I care after all he
has done. I am so afraid of going
through this abortion because it means a
whole change of life. I would like to be
free though, I know if I stay with him and
have the baby I will be even more
depressed than now and no way of leaving
him with his kid, I can forget about this.
He will have more power on me. At this
stage I do recognise what he does but
kind of feel paralised.
