Broke Up With Bipolar Gentleman Posted: 05-22-05 14:13pm
I was seeing a wonderful guy for a few
weeks and in the course found out he was
bipolar (medicated but still slept little,
smoked and drank daily), self-injured (as
an adult--just a few months ago), former
very serious drug addict, tried killing
himself several times and had been
hospitalized once for several months and
over 15 times for a day or so. Also has
panic attacks and our relationship, at
least on his end, was very serious very,
very quickly to the point that it was
unnerving. I never experienced anything
negative with him (only in the course of a
few weeks) but I was overwhelmed and
panicky from the start thinking something
wasn't right and anticipating emotional
blackmail at the prospect of any
relationship stress. Thinking about
that, all of the sudden the aggregate
caught up with me and I realized I
couldn't cope with all of these
difficulties and trying to do so would be
unfair to both of us. The saddest part
was despite his willingness to accomodate
my anxiety, there was nothing he could do
because it was my issue, not his. So I
ended things rather abruptly and stated we
should end contact. Several weeks later,
I feel like I overreacted; he didn't react
horribly at all, only sad. He didn't do
anything rash toward me, as for himself, I
don't know, but do know he's alive and
well and I believe dating someone else
now. I know I can't have a romantic
relationship with him but I should've
ended things better. Is it worth
re-opening that door? I'm still afraid if
he does care any longer (which is unlikey)
he may want to try a relationship then i'd
have to end things again. Best to leave
well enough alone? I've really been
distraught over this and could use any
sensitive advice. Needless to say it's
been a learning experience for me and I am
certainly better to have known him but
don't think I conveyed that.
Any words of wisdom? Thank you all for
the postings; i've learned a great deal
from this site and am more sensitive and
reasonable for having found it (although
maybe too late).
|
SeaBear
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 May 2005 Posts: 20 Location: Asheville, NC
Posted: 05-25-05 15:44pm
It is a hard boat to be in, but it sounds
that you both are moving on in a positive
way. I have always felt that if
somewhere in the relationship, I can say
to myself "i will not marry this man",
then I should notr be with him. You are
taking care of yourself, which is very
honerable, and hard to do.
Perhaps visit him at work, or mail him a
card, to let him know that you are doing
well, and that you hope he is doing well.
A card is a great way to let someone know
you put time and thought into them.
Good luck, and don't take it to hard on
yourself! You are just waiting for you
true match, and he hasn't showed up yet!
:wink: but he's coming!
|
core
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 May 2005 Posts: 1
My Two Cents Posted: 05-30-05 15:52pm
I dont think you should try an re-initiate
a relationship with him. You've already
broken contact (in a nice way), but I
think that if you hit any bumps in the
road you will always have "breaking up" to
rely on. If it's happened once, it can
happen again.
|
bb22bb
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 May 2005 Posts: 2
Posted: 05-30-05 16:40pm
Thanks for your input. I guess I feel
like I didn't end things in the best way
(no fights or hurtful remarks but after I
ended things I responded to all attempts
to renew the relationship with one
correspondence explaining that we're not
compatible with little additional
explanation, saying we shouldn't have
further contact--(too hard for me!), and
wishing him well ); I feel I owe him an
explanation since basically it went one
day we were dating, the next, we were not,
out of the blue as far as he was
concerned. However, you did address my
concern about re-initiating contact--i'll
likely panic again and have to end things
again, which caused much distress the
first time, for both of us, I think, as
i've gotten note about how difficult he
took it, tossing around the idea of
suicide again. And a month or so later,
I still hope I made the right decision and
that he'll find it in his heart to forgive
my abrupt exit. Thanks for the advice
though, as it's just in time--i was having
one of those "about to re-open the door"
moments! I don't need to hurt either of
us again.
