It is possible for women to think they are having their period while they are pregnant (while it actually could be--i can't think of the term) or she could have had implantation bleeding (when the embryo attatches to the uterus) and mistakenly thought it was a period.

I don't think I would force her to take another pregnancy test but I would pursue a dna test after the baby is born (if she is pregnant).

It could be yours. You need to have a long conversation with this woman. A Dr. Could tell her the approximate date of conception. If the date is around the time you had sex it could very well be yours. But I don't know her or her life..So until it's born you probably won't have the answers.

Hope that helps a little.

I would think that there is a good chance it's not since she had her period.. But I agree w/ mom2trevor that the Dr. Well be able to tell on or about when she concived.. I would also before you worry make her take a test in front of you.. She might just be doing this since ya'll just broke up.. I wish you all the luck and please keep us posted...

Did you ever think about her having sex with someone else? She may have gotten pregnant the month after you broke up.....

Thanks for the replies, guys. Right now, this is the closest thing to therapy for me.

Wbm - i've definitely considered the option that she might have slept with someone else after me. As far as i'm concerned, that's the only way she could be pregnant two months after having slept with me. That, or she's lying. I half expect her to call me and tell me she's had a miscarriage after she decides she has toyed with and hurt me long enough.

Katie33 - I have not known her very long (we met aug'04), but the way she carried on about not wanting to lose me and continuing a relationship where she would always play third fiddle (i'm married, with child. Now you see where the complications arise), makes me (partly) believe she's only doing this to get back at me. She's already told me she doesn't want me to have any part in her or the child's life. But why would she tell me she was having my baby if she didn't want me to be involved? I almost want to believe she's just doing this to get back at me, or to keep me close, even if we're not actually together.

Mom2trevor - what you mentioned about implantation bleeding is possible. I wonder, when a woman is on her period during pregnancy (which may be the case here), is the flow heavier or spotty? Does it occur as a normal period would? Not that I expect her to tell me, but she didn't mention anything odd about her period. I would think if it was anything other than a normal period for her, she would've mentioned it to me then.

On the one hand, she's offered me an out; forget her and the baby, and live my life. This in turn, will make me a deadbeat dad, a loser father and a deplorable human being (if i'm not that already).

On the other hand, what if, 5 years later, she decides she can't do it alone and demands child support? How will I be able to hide this from my wife? At some point, i'll have to tell her, and when I do, we're through.

The burden of proof is on her. She can't demand anything of me until she proves the child is mine. And then, my problems really begin.

Logically, I just don't see how it's possible, but I also know there are no certainties and no guarantees when it comes to pregnancy. Somewhere deep in my gut though, I have a feeling she's not lying. That could just be anxiety talking, I don't know.

I will most certainly pursue the pregnancy and dna test. If she doesn't agree to one or the other, i'm calling her story bs, and i'll have nothing more to do with her.

This is the price of infidelity, people. The stress this is causing me is indescribable. I've already suffered severe stomach aches, sleepless nights and an inability to focus or concentrate. All my thoughts are on this situation, and what it could mean to my family if it's all true.

Thanks again for your responses, and please, keep them coming. It's important I have a neutral viewpoint to consider as this has been all-consuming for me.

Wow I can understand why you are losing sleep!

It sounds like you're really living the life of a man who was unfaithful and you're being punished in one of the worst ways. I really feel for you.
It sounds like a complicated situation but you do deserve the absolute truth about her pregnancy and whether it exists or not.

I think you should ask her to take a test with you and if it is positive then her 12 week ultrasound scan will help determine the date of conception. And you have all the right in the world to know if you are the father or not.

Waiting for a dna test after the baby is born will be hell for you, so try and get her to reason and give you all the dates now. Has she seen a doctor and if so does she have a due date?

If she gets a blood test done then I think the hcg level may give you an indication of how far pregnant she is. Try and ask her for these results and then stick em up on the board and we'll try and decipher them!

Best of luck, deep breaths and all that - angel x

"vaginal bleeding can occur in pregnancy for all kinds of reasons. Some women continue to get cyclical, period-like bleeding in early pregnancy, and a few will appear to have 'periods' throughout the pregnancy."

there are conflicting opinions about this though. Some people swear it's true and others believe it is completly false. I really don't want to misinform you.


But I do know that people can have implantation bleeding and mistake it for a period though it is usually light and spotty and doesn't usually last very long (i think normally around 3 days but i'm not sure)


this is another part of the article:

bleeding in early pregnancy
bleeding in the first 13 weeks of pregnancy (first trimester) may be due to a threatened miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy, so must always be reported to the midwife.


The amount of bleeding with threatened miscarriage is variable. It may start as just a bit of spotting or be like a light period. It may be painless, or be associated with a period-like pain in the lower abdomen. If the midwife suspects a threatened miscarriage, she can arrange a scan to see if the foetal heartbeat can be seen.


There could be different reasons for her bleeding and one of those could be that she got pregnant after she had sex with you and she did actually have her period.


Sorry this response is all quacky...But hope it helps. I just want to help as much as possible but don't want to misinform you of anything. It's a rather sticky situation that you are in and I wish you the best!!

Today will be my first correspondence with her since she announced her pregnancy last week.

I don't expect to get to the bottom of things today, but at least the process will start rolling.

Will come back with updates and responses to your replies later today.

Please stay tuned! You guys are helping me cope and think a little clearer than I have in days.

Hello friends,

well, here's the latest update;

i emailed her saying I wasn't quite sure I accept her news (that she's pregnant, and i"m the father) at face value. Basically, I was telling her I didn't believe her. Any sane person would respond with something like, "if you don't believe, let's get tested".

Well, her response was more like, "leave me alone. I don't want to have anything more to do with you".

So, i'm leaving her alone. I'll never know for sure whether she's telling the truth or not, but since she's not willing to take this any further, neither am i.

Am I handling this wrong? Should I press on for the truth? Right now, my thinking is that she's offering me a huge out, whether by conscience or stubbornness, and if I don't walk away, I risk losing my family. I don't know what this woman is capable of. This might be a warning from her, or it might simply some macabre way of protecting me from losing my family.

Of course, she could be totally lying, and seeking gratification by feeling that she's paid me back for hurting her emotionally.

Well, in case I don't hear from you guys, i'd just like to thank you for listening and trying to help.

I just wanted to say ....Its too bad u didnt try to butter her up ...U could say how much u are concerned for her and that u would love to attend the first drs appt with her so she isnt "alone". If she shuns u away from a test, a drs apt, ultrasound and what not ...I think shes full of crap and wanted to scare the crap out of you because u are a 2 timer lol....(married in all to be blunt ).



Anyways .....It would be very interesting if u went places u knew u would see her in 4 mos ...Her work or what not ....To see if she has a "belly" lol.



I understand what its like to screw up and I do wish u all the luck.


If the worst comes of it u see her and she appears to be pregnant.. Then dna would be a definate. Orrrr u could have a male friend help you out and try to pretend to "like" her and see if shes pregnant at all! Us women watch too many soap operas ...Forgive me lol...But I think of everyyything!


Goodluck!

I would just look in on her in a few months. If she is visibly pregnant, and you still feel as if you are loosing something by not knowing if it is or is not your child, then try to talk to her then. The reason that she may have told you to go away, is because she knows that the baby is not yours, and wants to save herself to embarrassment. I think you handled this very well, considering you had no idea if this was really your child.

There are four reasons that she could have told you to go away and leave her alone. I know this isn't really helpful but maybe you could think about her personalitly and try to analyze her way of thinking.

1. She really is pregnant and doesn't know if it is yours (like an above poster stated)

2. She is pregnant and really does just want to get on with her life.

3. She isn't pregnant and doesn't want you to find out that she's not.

4. By saying go away she may be trying to manipulate and guilt you into staying with her. She may want you to pursue her. Men always want what they can't have.

I think that babymama is right. If you can...Wait a few months and look her up and see if she is visibly pregnant. If she is try to talk to her. Tell her that you really want to have an adult conversation with her. Meet somewhere and have lunch or something (if you can get away to do it). Do you and she have mutual friends? Maybe you could have one of them to talk to her and find out the situation?

If it turns out that she is pregnant and the child is yours...You are gonna have to tell your family sooner or later because they will find out. Do you all live in the same town? Rumours spread and they spread fast! Everyone makes mistakes. Maybe your family would be more forgiving then you think?

I really hope that everything works out for you and I hope that you can get through this situation as quickly as possible!

We are here no matter when you want to talk.

Well, my weekend was interesting.

Sunday, at 6am, my wife burst into the room yelling, "who the [bleep] is [name withheld]?!"

seems she found the number on my cell phone. And called her.

Now, I don't know the exact words that were exchanged, but all I can say is, god doesn't want me dead yet.

Well, she asked me who this woman was. I told her I knew her from an old job and we had lunches together. A few more questions, and she stormed out of the house.

Of course, I immediately called the woman and asked her what was said. As usual, this woman is completely hostile (at least this time, with good reason) and yells and curses me for the entire time i'm on the phone. But, when I asked what she told my wife, by the grace of the almighty, she told her exactly what I had said, old job, lunches...! Our stories corroborated! For the moment, I was spared.

Then, a few more curses and unpleasantries hurled at my wife and myself, and the woman hangs up the phone on me as i'm trying to tell her we need to go to the doctor. A mystery on hold, still.

This woman has me by the tenders. She could've screwed me over right there, but didn't. Why? I can understand not wanting to invite any "baby mama drama", but really, this move simply has me baffled.

So, as you guys suggested, i'm laying low for a few months. I'm talking sub-low. Maybe sometime in aug-sep, i'll try to talk to this woman again. It appears that right now, she really wants nothing more than for me to leave her alone, which I will gladly oblige. Last thing I need is police at my door with a restraining order or some trumped-up harassment charge. I just hope she doesn't come looking for me later on.

A friend of mine joked, "start saving your money. She'll come calling for that child support sooner or later, and you're going to have to get used to supporting two families by yourself".

Though my wife heard it from the horse's mouth that nothing was going on, she remains suspicious. She knows all my female friends, and now she runs across one whom I seem to have known for awhile, but never mentioned. And if we only did lunch, why does she have my cell number? How come she's never called the house to speak with me? I managed to put a band-aid on those questions, but they can come unglued at any time. It just takes one more phone call from either my wife or this woman.

So now, the trust is gone. Yet, she remains in surprisingly good spirits. I guess for the moment, she's satisfied, and as long as she never sees that number or hear this woman's name again, this episode will quietly slither into the "archive" regions of her memory.

Monday was a beautiful day. We were closer than we had been for some time, and when we were intimate later that day, I really put my all into it. It's funny, i've been making love to my wife for 12 years with utmost control (our baby was planned, right down to the time of year), and then I meet this woman and slip. Now i'm a fugitive in my own home.

Well, I guess this little drama is over for awhile. I hope you guys are still here when I try to talk to this woman again.

Dr phil where are you when we need you!!!

Lol! I can hear him now, "so, how's that working for you?"

mom2trevor - i've taken your points into consideration. I really don't know which of the four reasons she's acting on, but they all sound like logical conclusions.

We don't have any mutual friends between us, and for that, i'm thankful. Outside of my cell and work numbers and my work email address, she really has no way of contacting me. My name is common enough that a cursory glance through the phone book would immediately dissuade her from calling each one until she found me. She'd have to be really dedicated to call the hundreds of people who share my name in new york, and even in my borough.

Also, because we don't have any mutual friends between us, I can arrange to have one of my friends appear seemingly randomly at her job and tell me if she's pregnant or not. All I would need to do is give him/her a name and a description, and they could go in and ask for her, giving any half-ass reason as to why they need to speak with her specifically.

Also, we both live in ny, but in different boroughs. It's possible to bump into her at some point, but I know to steer clear of her borough, if at all possible.

As for my family, I believe my parents, brother, aunts, uncles, etcetera will probably forgive me, but as for my wife and in-laws, i'm sure they will be much less willing to forgive or forget.

Hey, thanks again for being here. Between you guys and another of my close, trusted female friends, i've been coping a little better every day. I wish this would just go away. I'm nice, but i'm not naive, and I need to prepare myself that this situation will not go away unless she's lying. As long as what she's saying has even a remote possibility of being true, i'll always have to live in fear, in hiding and in untruthfulness. And possibly broke. And that is no way to live.

I can't believe anyone is even helping you with advice...

Imo you should get yourself a divorce and use a condom next time.

Those poor kids. (both unborn and born)



i hope it was worth it, guy :roll: