Socializating While Depressed Posted: 05-29-05 02:24am
Its so god dam hard!
I just want to scream at those i'm out
with, just scream at them to stop being so
happy! Its an awful way of thinking but
thats how I feel right now. I hate being
like this! I hate the fact that I have to
take medication because i'm unhappy in
life. Why did it have to be me? I have
so much anger right now, I really do! Why
does it have to feel like trying to get
over being sad is taking so long!
I'm turning 25 in least than a week,
shouldn't that be enough to make you go,
"you know what, hey your meant to be an
adult now, buckle up and stop being so
down!"
who else here feels like that above? My
feelings feel as though its this huge ball
of string that had gotten tangled as the
years have one by. The stupid thing is
that there be days where I feel like i'm
on top of the world, but then noooo...Have
to get all down again. Anyone like a
roller coaster?
I forget who I am sometimes......
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smith007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Apr 2005 Posts: 21 Location: ontario
Me Too!!............... Posted: 05-29-05 13:09pm
I feel the same way too. I struggle quite
often day to day especially in the
mornings it is the worst!!!...I have
anxiety and I worry about many things in
my life. I feel like something is wrong
with me like I am not normal or something.
And I also wonder what it would be like
to be on medication to see if it would
bring me anywhere near a normal state of
happiness. I wish I was worry free :(. I
also hate the fact that people say that
this is all due to a chemical imbalance in
our brains. I really hate that! I dont
know if I should believe that or not. Id
prefer to think that it is the way we
chose to think. We need to fight off the
irrational thoughts and it is hard work!.
But we can do it!
I also do get jealous when I see people
who are so confident and loud and
talkative and not afraid of anything.
Good for them, I am really happy for them,
I just wish I was like that too. They
appear so strong and I feel so weak. Like
I have a weak character or something. I
wonder why I was not born to be like that.
I wish I were. I wish I could wake up in
the morning and be so happy and fully of
energy and life. I ride the roller
coaster too. Some days are good and
others not so.
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MissShortie
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 May 2005 Posts: 146
Posted: 05-29-05 13:28pm
Hearing it is a 'chemical imbalance' is
annoying to hear, and it seems like it
under estimates the real condition or
something. But I believe it, I mean why
else unless we have had some kind of real
trauma in our lives would makes us think
so irrationally. I have a case of ocd,
obsessive compulsive disorder, and high
anxiety, I worry about things constantly,
which is what lead to my ocd, I thought if
I do these certain things a certain way it
will make my worries go away, but no I
think it makes them worse sometimes I dont
know. But when I was on medication it was
what got me to be able to control it more,
I still have it but people dont notice it
like they used to and im now off the
medication and am trying sooo hard to just
fight with myself on my own and handle it
without meds. There is no reason to feel
sad for no reason? There is chemicals
your lacking or have to much of and it can
do that, but by those chemicals it causes
to get into your *real* thinking too, so
you still have to fight your own battles
with the help of meds, I dont think
medication is an instant worker, you still
need therapy of your own or with a doctor.
:)
|
Jemini
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2005 Posts: 58 Location: Australia
Posted: 05-30-05 05:09am
Cheers miss.
Arg its just so fustrating though, its
amazing that your mind is the true
challenger! I've only just really
starting seeing a therapist as I have been
in and out since my teenage years and
because I have been in and out I kinda
bought it onto myself because I felt that
all this talking a person who I beat has
never gone through what we go through so I
always thought that hey what are they
people on about, they are just analizing
here. Who knows hopefully this time will
be different?
Coming off the meds how long were on you
the meds for and was it harsd?
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MissShortie
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 May 2005 Posts: 146
Posted: 05-30-05 14:49pm
I think I was on the meds for about 2
years, but I had to try many before we
found one that worked, and the one that
worked just happend to be the more
'powerful' drug which meant it had more
side effects, but I dealt with it. But
then as I got better, and I had a bf I was
always forgetting to take the meds, and
after not taking them for a couple days I
would get so dizzy and light headed I
would sometimes almost fall over. But
finally I made the discission I was
through with the meds, and I just quit
taking them, didnt talk to my doctor,
nothing, and still to this day havnt been
back to the doctors, haha. Sometimes I
have a hard time, but mostly when I worry
alot, like say if my boyfriend goes on a
trip (his family lives in hawaii and we're
in cali so he sometimes goes to visit, and
the timing hasnt been right yet for me to
go, but I get to go this summer yay) but
while hes gone I worry about so many
things and it can make my ocd go off the
roof, but I really dont wanna go on meds
again, im really working hard to get by on
a normal life without the drugs, if
anything I might start taking "buspar"
again just for my anxiety. :)
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Jemini
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2005 Posts: 58 Location: Australia
Posted: 05-30-05 20:34pm
Its great that you are off the meds.
Me i'm on my second lot! I started on
aroprox poroxatine and now to mirtazapine,
and being on the second lot it has boosted
my apepite through the roof! See I smoke
cigarettes (bad I know) but since being on
these meds all I can do is eat and eat and
the thought of having a cig is actually
putting me off!
I too have a mild obd, like for example
when i'm back from getting shopping from
the supermarkets i'd be cleaning my hands
right away, when I take the rubbish
outside, i'd wash my hands straight away
and I actually get a small panic attack
when if I see someone drop a piece of food
on the floor then pick up quickly and eat!
Urgh! And whenever my boyfriend does
something that involved "germs" i'm
telling to go wash those hands. Yes my
house can be clean, but i'm no too
extreme.
I just feel like i'm so weak to be on
meds, yes its helping, but only a little.
I hope you have a wonderful time in hawii!
Oh would love to go there one day! I
can't wait to travel the world one day!
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stillyoungm29
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2005 Posts: 19
Re:depression Posted: 05-31-05 14:42pm
Your post sounds familiar to me.I often
feel angry and wonder what people are so
annoyingly cheerful for.Are you male or
female?I would never take medication
myself as I don't believe in it.I just
feel lonely sometimes and dont want
relationships anymore.I also have bad
dreams now and then.Can you remember if
something happened in your past that made
you feel this way?
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Jemini
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2005 Posts: 58 Location: Australia
Posted: 06-01-05 02:36am
Hi stillyoung
i'm female, and I use to have night
terrors causing me not to want to go back
to sleep. I would have some pretty full
on intense dreams. Since taking meds it
has helped me alot because I am now able
to have interupted sleep, but doesn't
meant the dreaming has stopped, i'm still
getting some pretty intense dreams,
meaning that there is alot of stuff that
needs to get out. Which I am slowly
slowly working on, I still dread going
into social situations because as i've
mentioned the fact people can have such a
good time, where for me I feel like I just
fade into the background. What has caused
me to be the way I am, that i'm also
slowly working on to by going to a
psychotherapest, and this time i'm
sticking to it because I think in the past
when I have been in and out of
psychotheropest and the point of unlocking
I think thats when I bail. Deep down
inside I know it was something that
happened to me in the past, but because
your mind is so powerful it has for some
reason gotten supressed in order to
"protect".
All in time I guess, all in time....
Hope that kinda answers your question,
sorry if its not "hitting the head on the
nail" stuff.
|
stillyoungm29
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2005 Posts: 19
Re:depression Posted: 06-01-05 23:01pm
Hello again.I read your reply.Tell me do
you have a boyfriend?I've only had 1
girlfriend in my life and I think it's
because of my depression.What do you
think?
|
Jemini
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 May 2005 Posts: 58 Location: Australia
Re:depression Posted: 06-03-05 03:21am
stillyoungm29
wrote:
hello again.I read your
reply.Tell me do you have a boyfriend?I've
only had 1 girlfriend in my life and I
think it's because of my depression.What
do you think?
yes I have been in a relationship now with
my man for almost 3 years. I still to
this day can't belive how lucky I am to
have ended up with him. There have been
times where i've told him to just leave,
to get on out of my life because hey there
a moments where I wished I was left alone,
the thought still crosses my mind that I
am better off being a loner. But in
reality without him I don't think I would
be here....What I is so amazing is the
fact that he has stuck by no matter
what.
I'm no saying its easy finding someone
that is strong, believe me i've meet some
down right wrong guys in my life!
Eventually he came along.
But I do wonder is, is he really truely
coping? Because I must admitt I can be
very difficult to deal with!
It's not because of your depression, but
its hard to say because I use to think
that way to, because I was such a downer I
always thought that i'm so ugly (still do
now and again) that no one would ever let
me in their life. But it happened.
It's just one of those things.....All I
can say is, well when the time is right,
the time will come :)
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