Life with Bipolar Disorder

I feel like I don%u2019t know what i%u2019m doing its like i%u2019m in a dream I cant look at myself in the mirror or other peoples faces when I wake up its like the same thing everyday the same sounds same people and I even do the same thing everyday I feel as thou i%u2019m not even living anymore and it scares me so bad that I have really bad anxiety and panic attacks cause I don%u2019t know what it is and i%u2019ve been stuck in my room for like a year now sleeping a lot and sometimes I cant even sleep at all I feel as thou I don%u2019t know that i%u2019m talking sometimes and i%u2019m very irritable to sounds plus I tend to lash out on people cause i%u2019m so mad cause iv been living this way for so long and still cant figure out what%u2019s wrong with me and sometimes I have these crazy thoughts about knocking somebody out and I don%u2019t know why it seems the my brain cant perceive things or process things I see or hear its like my brain cant handle it and it causes me not to be able to function right and have all these weird feelings like i%u2019m out there in a fog or something its like i%u2019m never goanna be back to feeling better again I feel that iv damaged something that cant be fixed and I don%u2019t know how I did it cause I never did any drugs or anything like that or had a really bad past or anything it feels as thou I have something physically wrong as well cause even when i%u2019m not feeling anxiety or a panic attack or depression there is still something wrong like i%u2019m in a dream or something like I cant talk cause its such a task cause it feels so weird and it just wont go away its like I have so much wrong with me and I have not had a job or hardly any kind of contact with other people and plus i%u2019ve been in my house for like almost a year it feels as thou its too late for me like its goanna be like this forever that there isn%u2019t any help for it cause if there were they would have already helped me instead of me being like this for so long and nothing has changed but I keep going on hoping one day it will all go away so I can live a better life the life I should be living cause i%u2019m only 21 and I feel like i%u2019m 80 or something