Ok, so I think that I have been depressed
for around 3 years now, but it has been
off and on. Like I will be major
depressed for weeks, then I will have a
good 2 weeks, then depression will set in
again. I think my problem is that I have
no self confidence, I mostly hate myslef
and how I look, and I hate my life. My
friends, I like them sometimes, but
othertimes, they just do not care about
me. I have thought about suicide many
many times, but never have the guts to do
it. So all I do is scratch my ankles just
so maybe that pain can over ride my other
pain. I also cry myslef to sleep alot and
it takes me al least 2 hours to get to
sleep sometimes. I also had a form of an
eating disorder for a few years and now it
is coming back cause I hate myself. The
only other person I have told that I
thought I was depressed was my mom, and
she laughed at me and told me I was being
silly. I am in a band too, and I do not
like playing solo cause I have no self
confidence and if I screw up, my self
assurance will go down the tube, but the
ipe major insists that I play solo and I
can not take it! After band I cry so much
and I hate myself cause the odds are I
screwed it up. I am really afraid to tell
my friends, becuase I have another friend
that is depressed and she is on
medication, and everyone treats her
differently and I do not want that. I
never show that I am depressed to anyone,
I always put on a smile for my friends
cause I am the "nice funny one" and I do
not want people to act differently around
me. I do not know if I should see a
doctor or anything, so any advice would be
super. Thanks
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holly1586
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Feb 2005 Posts: 3
Posted: 06-17-05 20:19pm
You should definitely go into therapy. I
know exactly how you feel...Which is sort
of comforting for me. I'm not really
sure about therapy myself, because I major
trust issues, never mind telling some
doctor my entire life story, but my friend
has been in therapy for a while and is
doing a lot better. I guess I really
just wanted to tell you that you're not
alone. And also I know that's cliche and
I hate it when I hear that.
