Hello all, this is my 1st time ever
visiting this site, or any online site
about drug addiction for that matter. I'm
a 20 year old male, and I should say I
have been on adderall for close to a year
now. Perscribed, because I have ( I guess
you could say ) a severe depression
problem. I am extremely reclusive, I hate
to leave my computer. In no way would I
go to a public rehab center for my
problems, so I have chosen to come here.
I'm not sure if I will get much help, but
reading the past few adderall addiction
posts leads me to belive there are many
people viewing with adderall experiences.
These posts scare me, in the sense that
they remind me of myself. I was
perscribed to take 2, 20mg adderall (
non-extended-release, however this was my
choice, I thought the buzz kicked in
faster... ), and once spring semester was
over ( having withdrew from all my classes
), my doctor told me to drop it down to
one 20 mg pill a day. I am depressed as I
mentioned above, with a chronix anxiety
disorder, which origionally brought me to
adderall. I now don't seem to want to
take only 1 adderall a day, but I find
myself not only taking my normal dose (2 a
day ) but sometimes up to 4 or 5. Note
that when I say day, I mean from the span
of time where I wake up to where I fall
asleep. I'm on the most rediculous
sleeping schdule right now, having been up
for 30 - some hours, completely brain dead
almost. I feel like my brain is not
functioning right, and I seem to be
getting worse. My eating habits have been
very odd, whereas I will be extremely
hungry, go upstairs to make myself some
food, take one or two bites and be full.
Except i'm not full, I feel like i'm
normal. It's extremely hard to describe,
but you adderall users know the feeling,
im sure. I feel like I always have to be
doing something, and since I rarely leave
my computer room, it's all mental
activities. I feel if im not reading,
playing a game, watching something, or
smoking - then I need to be immediately.
I feel confused in many ways, not so much
about my sexuality, but my life in
general. I had it all going, until I fell
into the horrible depression chasm. My
emotions are everywhere, and I often get
dizzy spells, feel like my heart is
beating too fast, and almost always having
a head rush. I used to love the feeling
of adderall, I was positive that my
depression had been cured from this
mystery drug which was only meant to help
me focus better in school. I was doing a
ton better, but my friends and family
noticed changes in me. Dispite the
dilated pupils, my close friends and
family say that I am very giddy, I talk a
ton ( never shut up ), and can never stand
still. I have a very difficult time
staying focused on one specific activity
when im not on adderall. I had been a
heavy marijuana smoker since my senior
year in high school ( 2 years ago or so ),
and started smoking again on adderall.
This was definately a bizzarre experience
for me, whenever around my friends and I
smoked I would have horrible panic
attacks. However when I am alone and I
smoke when on adderall, its a different
story. It's makes me zone out completely,
almost intensifying the adderall "buzz"
and adding in someting else. I am still
addicted to marijuana, but I am most
concerned about the adderall. I feel like
i'm one of the characters from "fear and
loathing", because i'm so out of my mind
right now. When I do manage to fall
asleep, I sleep for 25-40 hours at a time,
which is not like me at all. I just can't
wake up without sleeping for that long it
seems, and now i'm having the thoughts of
"well it's 5:30 am already ( having plans
for later in the day with family ), might
as well just stay up for it, because if I
try to sleep I won't wake up to go out."
so I will stay up and be brain dead for
the rest of the time i'm awake.
I'm sorry for going on and on, mainly the
point of this post is to try to acquire
some further information on how to
successfully quit taking adderall. I feel
like I have hit rock bottom, and I have
noone to tell. I can't tell my doctor
yet, because she might lower my adderall
perscription, or even switch me to
something else, or even (worst yet ) take
me off them completely. It's a horrible
thought, but i'm trying to be honest with
myself and tell the true facts. I want to
help myself, but I dont know if I can.
I was really hoping, if any of you out
there reading it ( hopefully made it this
far! ), have had an adderall addiction in
the past, or are currently addicted to it
and trying to go clean, please send me an
e-mail at
twassell@
gmail.Com or even contact me on aim @
mastort2000
i just need someone to talk to, to hear
other peoples experiences, and ask some
questions of my own - and to basically
just talk about my problems with someone
who knows what i'm going through, I think
it could really help. It can be
completely anonymous if you want it to be,
or any way you want it. I just need
someone to talk to in private if at all
possible.
On a side note, I forgot to mention that
my doctor also perscribes 37.5 mg of paxil
for me, which I take once a day; as well
as 0.25 or 0.025 (i forget ) of klonopin,
which I don't take often, only for panic
attacks. I am thankful I am not addicted
to klono's, as i've heard that they are
quite addictive. I also thought it odd to
be on an upper and a downer at the same
time, I rarely mix the two.
Well that's it for me, I thank you all for
your time, and for reading parts of my
story, and I pray for anyone else out
there going through the same thing as I
am. I will check my e-mail usually
whenever i'm around my computer and not
playing games, if you do decide to follow
up with me. I appreciate all the support
and information given to me, and thank you
all once again.
