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Q: *5 Months Pregnant And What Should I Do?*
asked by: *Andrea* on June 28th, 2005
New User
I am 5 months pregnant, and I still dont know what to do! I am 17 years old, still in high school, and living with my parents. Like, my parents still want me to be living at home when the baby comes. And my dad told my boyfriend carlos *hes 21* that he can just come over and see the baby, and then leave. Like to me, I dont think that fair if I still live at home when the baby is born. Im the one thats gonna be having to do everything. Like, I think its gonna suck!! But my parents want me to still live at home, and I dont want too. I want the baby to be around its both parents all the time, and not just sometimes. My parents dont understand that. I know getting pregnant was wrong, but still....Everyone makes mistakes, and they gotta live with them. Same with mine. We messed up but still. My parents shouldnt keep my boyfriend from seeing his own baby. We both wanna get married in september, cuz our baby boy is due october 6th. Im just confused. I dont know weather I should get married to make this a better choice for the baby, or wait until im done with school since I only have one more year? What should I doo???
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roxy05
replied on June 28th, 2005
New User
Hey Andrea
Well andrea, I think that u r responsible 4 ur own actions now & u will have to take full responsibility now.. So if u only have 1 yr of school left.. Y don't u get married w/ carlos (after all he does want to be w/ u, there are many guys out there who just run off) .. U guys can get married but u can keep going to school because ur education is imp. As well.. But u should go part-time so that u may have time for ur baby as well. Ur parents may be upset but now u can make ur decisions bcause u r going to be a mother.. & u need to the father around ur baby.. It would be terrible just to know that ur baby would grow up not knowing his father that much just because he can't see him all the time.. Think about it.. U r having a child, now all u need to do is get married because then u will be a family.. Good luck w/ ur decision!
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teen heat
replied on June 28th, 2005
New User
I dont think you should get married unless you really really want to. Just because he's the father of your child doesnt mean you have to marry him. Are you able to live on your own and support this baby? If not you might just want to reconsider living at home. If you're parents weren't going to help you with this kid, they wouldnt let you keep living there. You're boyfriend should be around alot, but it doesnt have to be always. When I was born my dad had to work full time and he came home real late at night when I was sleeping, so its not like he got to ineract with me much... Stay at home for awhile, in a year or so, see if you feel different.
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mekimeki
replied on June 29th, 2005
New User
Sorry, but my feelings are this: any person that would keep a father from being a father to his baby is a crappy person. As for giving advise, my question to you is "what do you want to do?" do you want to marry this man? Do you want to live with this man? Do you want to live with your parents? And what about him? How old is he? Does he have his own place, and if not how would his parents feel about you moving in with him and them?

I'm really pissed at your parents for how they are handling things. It's not right for any person to tell a baby's parents they cant see their child when they want to. Were they ever kept from you? I doubt it! What would they have done had someone tried to keep you from them? Ask them that question and see how they respond, or if they avoid it all together...

Please forgive me, i'm extra hormonal and kinda pissy right now. I do wish you and your child (and your boyfriend) lots of luck. You're in a situation you shouldn't be in, and I don't mean because you're young and pregnant. Man, i'm so pissed at your parents!
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cknbb
replied on July 1st, 2005
New User
Thought about moving out with carlos or living where he lives so you can be together? If you want to be with him, then be with him. If you're unsure whether to marry him or live with him, then i'd stay at home if I were you.

It takes a lot out of you to care for a child by yourself. I'm sure your mom will help but it's best when the father of the child is able to bond with him/her. Your dad shouldn't treat carlos just like a visitor.
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sxcgirl_me
replied on July 2nd, 2005
Experienced User
If your old enough to have a baby then you are old enough to live with your boyfriend, you need to tell your parents that..
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sxcgirl_me
replied on July 2nd, 2005
Experienced User
Well ok then, sorry I didnt know you were so uptight
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MumOfThree
replied on July 2nd, 2005
New User
Live With Parents Or Move Out?
Here's my suggestion:

a child is a blessing but also an unbelievable amount of work. Living on your own (away from your parents) is very expensive with or without a child. I would suggest that you acknowledge your great fortune in having a free place to stay along with help raising your child. You wouldn't believe the amount of stress that goes along with worrying about paying bills and having no one to help you with your child. You will be in a better position to finish school if you stay with your parents, both financially and temporally.

Your parents will love this baby the moment they lay eyes on it. You need to understand that your parents want the best for you and for their grandchild. If they see that the baby's father is responsible and is a positive influence, they will allow him to stay more and more. It's your job to open their eyes to the importance of this child having his/her father as part of its life, but respect also their stance. Work on a compromise that's best for everyone.

You have many years ahead of you to pay your own way and support yourself. Enjoy what you have right now. Worry about being the best mother you can and bettering yourself for your child's sake and let your parents worry about the mortgage, utilities, and food.
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sxcgirl_me
replied on July 2nd, 2005
Experienced User
Sorry sandra I didnt mean to be a health forum.

Well look I think my opinion has changed.
If you cant deal with your parents, then there has to be a reason for that.
Maybe try to make a compromise with them.

Maybe if you finish high school first and get your education then you may be able to do something about it,
just because you have a child, it doesn't mean you cant get an education
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mekimeki
replied on July 5th, 2005
New User
Why jump down each other's throats? And why tell someone who you don't even know what they need to do? This site is for giving advise and suggestions, not running someone's life for them.

And before telling someone to think before they speak, think about doing that for yourself first. A father has a right to see his child when he wants, no matter the age. The only exception being a dangerous or insane person. If you argue with that, you should have any child you have or ever do have taken from you to show you what it's like for those who can't see their child. Put yourself in someone elses shoes before condemning them. (like I did her parents, which I do apologize again for)

i do understand where her parents are coming from now, after thinking about it, and I admit I was wrong to leave my previous post the way I did. But they need to consider the father's feelings too, and those of their daughter.

Bottom line, this is a big mess. There is no easy answer or way out. If your parents are so hard-headed, they will always be. There is no compromise or getting them to budge. I feel for you, I truly do. But no one here has the right to tell you that you are a bad person for having sex at your age. Chances are they did it themselves or are friends with someone who did, and since they don't judge them for it...

I'll pray for you, and I hope you do find a solution to this problem.
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sxcgirl_me
replied on July 5th, 2005
Experienced User
By the sounds of what this girl is saying, it doesn't sound like they're keeping the father from his child at all.

I think they're honestly just worried about her education and thinking that she might pull out if she stays with him, which I would be thinking exactly the same if I had a child in the exact same position.

I think, go out and get your education and prove that you are responsible enough to do what you have to do.

Come on girls, think about it,
how would you react if your child was in the exact situation,
i know i'd freak
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lil_blaze2004
replied on July 6th, 2005
Moderator
I would take all the help you can get from your family. They can't stop your bf from seeing his child either, only u can.
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