Hi ya
please dont judge me! Im 15!
When I was 13 I was over weight 15 1/2
stone and I thourght I was ugly I stoped
eating propally, I was getting bullied , I
started smoking, got in wid the wrong
crowd n started drinkin its not as bad as
it may sound! But wid this crowd I found
guys started to like me but I didnt like
them I ended up goin out wid them n doin
stuff tho! It made me a bit happer knowin
ppl liked me but then worse for feelin
like a promiscuous person! I started self
harming! The bulling got worse n the
crwed turned on me as I tryed to stop
smokin and drinkin one boy thretend me,
held me down n burnt me wid a lighter
thats when I knew I hat 2 get out of that
crowd so I hangd around wid differend ppl
I didnt tell them about my past for a long
time but when I did they told ppl and soon
it was all round school the bulling got
worse and so did the smokin, self harmin
and eatin habbits I got down to 10 stone!
But I have stretch marks and flabin skin
where I lost it so rapidly! Sum1 told a
teatcher I was self harmin, I was so low I
tryed killin myself several times and hat
2 see a councerler!
Then my friend set me up with her m8 I
fell for him badly we did loads of stuff
and then when I thourght I cud trust him I
opend up 2 him a bit and told him what was
goin on in my head big mistake! I tryd to
make it work I stopd everything he told me
2 but I cudnt stop self harmin becuase I
felt I wasnt gud enough 4 him but he didnt
no that was y I was doin it! He dumpd me
n said its better this way n never talkd 2
me agan, he didnt answere my letters or
txts, I lost it, it was just before x-mas
n there was loads of drink so I drunk 2
much n scared my family coz I stopd
breathin n stuff!
@ school every1 called me a syco n one
girl grabd hold of my arms draggin me
round showin every1 my wrists after that I
tryd so hard n a cupple of mounths later I
stoped self-harming and showin my
depression I am fake and bottle things up
agan I havnt found away 2 realse my pain
in away that dosent effect other ppl or
hurt my self!
My head is so full of thourghts it
hurts! But every1 has now kinda forgotten
about my past and has made friends wid the
fake me no1 is aware there is stil pane
inside me! I feel I have no1 I can trust
or talk 2 and no way of realsein my pane
iv just had exams n my stress leveles are
high I still feel I want to die but have
lernt to smile through everything! Plz
help and if any1 can relate plz talk 2 me
amie
warrick@hotmail.Com I need advice I
feel really screwd up sorry iv sed like my
hole life story!
|
poetmcc
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 273
Posted: 07-01-05 09:14am
Hi amie,
don't worry, this site is for people to
help you, not to judge you and tell you
tuff like that.
Whew! You seem to have gone through a
lot. Let me just say that if you have
survived through all of this you are very
brave and determined...Please don't try to
kill yourslef. There are much better
things in life. Have you heard the saying
"it has to get worse before it gets
better"? I think your situation is
terrible but now the only thing that can
happen is to get better.
I think you can really benfeit from seeing
a counselor or a therapist. You mentioned
you used to see one so why not go back?
They would help you so much.
Take care of yourself, keep you chin up
and keep me posted on how you are.
|
cuteamie
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Posts: 15 Location: newbury
Posted: 07-31-05 17:09pm
poetmcc
wrote:
hi amie,
don't worry, this site is for people to
help you, not to judge you and tell you
tuff like that.
Whew! You seem to have gone through a
lot. Let me just say that if you have
survived through all of this you are very
brave and determined...Please don't try to
kill yourslef. There are much better
things in life. Have you heard the
saying "it has to get worse before it gets
better"? I think your situation is
terrible but now the only thing that can
happen is to get better.
I think you can really benfeit from seeing
a counselor or a therapist. You
mentioned you used to see one so why not
go back? They would help you so much.
Take care of yourself, keep you chin up
and keep me posted on how you
are.
thanx u 4 ur advice ill try! But seein
the coutcerlier really didnt help n I
really wud rather not go back but ill
think bout it!
|
chaosbob
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2005 Posts: 148 Location: LA
Posted: 07-31-05 17:13pm
Have you gone to english classes...I heard
they could help with your grammer
|
damsel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 May 2005 Posts: 69 Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted: 08-01-05 08:26am
chaosbob
wrote:
have you gone to english
classes...I heard they could help with
your grammer
oh like that was appropriate! You're not
obliged to say anything if all you can
think of is derogatory remarks. And i'm
sure your perfect at everything are you?
Just leave her alone! As if it matters
anyway
anyways back to you babe, i'm sorry you've
gone through all this sh*t. Do I remember
you from the eating disorder page...Or
maybe i'm thinking of someone
else...Doesn't matter. I'm not sure there
is anyway out of this cycle of self harm
and hatred than alot of therapy. I hate
to say it, because i'm resisting it at the
moment, but honestly if you wanna make a
full recovery, therapy is the best way
(unless your tom cruise in which case he
would suggest scientology, whatever floats
your boat). I'm really sorry you feel the
way you feel, it doesn't sound like your
school life is all that happy, bullies
really do make life hell. Could you move
schools, like start fresh somewhere else?
"you're beautiful, no matter what they
say" ok? Pm me if you ever need to chat
or vent or get advice, your not alone ok?
|
fatfamily02
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jul 2005 Posts: 3050 Location: Georgia, USA
So Sorry About Your Problems!! Posted: 08-01-05 08:57am
The only thing I know about bulemia and
anorexia is that they do and cannot help
doing it cuz they feel they have "no
controll of the things they think they had
control of" even if they never really had
the control anyway--like controlling a
friend who seems to treat themselves
badly, or parents who want to get
divorced, or even the bullies who hate
them and treat them badly.
I myself believe "cutters" or self harmers
are the same. Maybe when they can
realize that they dont have control of
other pple, should never be in control of
anothers fate, they will be cured.
It is a co-dependancy thing where we gain
our value by how good we can be to others,
and by being good to them can invertantly
change who they are and put their feet
back on a solid rock. But when the
things we do, does not help them, or
change them we feel we have failed them.
So we dont deserve any good things and in
your case have to hurt yourself cuz you
failed them.
I think when we realize we are beautiful
for wanting to be a helper to others, and
not cuz we have cured them. And when we
realize we cant cure them, we have no
control of what they do, we will be
cured.
I hope this helps you sweetie, I will keep
checking this post. Please let us
know.
No one is worthy of your life!!! Please
dont let the thought make you end it.
Tell the thoughts to stop in jesus name,
and they have to stop. Find a counselor
please.
