i'm 35, single and 7 weeks pregnant. The
"man" that I was seeing (for about 3
years) wants me to abort this child.
This is not something that I can do. I
just couldn't do it and will not. I had
an abortion when I was much younger, now
that i'm older and can financially support
this child, I can't bring myself to not
have this baby.
This man and I had discussed marriage and
things were going great for us (apparently
not). Apparently when things are light
and carefree then everything is cool, but
when things get tough, he picked up and
left. I never would have thought he
would not had my back. In the past we
spoke about single parents and fathers not
handling their responsibilities and he
expressed the same sentiments I did.
The night I told him about this pregnancy,
he was telling me about problems he was
having with the irs, "problems" with his
son's mother, possibility of getting laid
off soon, etc. I didn't want to tell
him about this pregnancy after hearing
about his problems, but I also felt I had
no right to not tell him about this.
That night I learned things about him I
never knew. He told me he never
wanted to be a father and still doesn't.
He learned about his son 2 years after
his son was born (his son is 12). He
was counting down the days until his son
turned 18 and he doesn't want to be
"trapped" into another 18 - 20 years.
Since I wouldn't have the abortion, he
told me he wanted nothing to do with this.
He didn't want to know when the child
was born, no pictures, nothing. He told
me that if anyone (family members, child
support, etc) show up at his door, he is
packing up and moving (he has family that
lives outside of the us).
I was somewhat speechless because this was
a totally different person than what I
thought I knew. I didn't want to be
pregnant. I come from a 2 parent home, I
always did everything that was expected of
me. Being a single mother was never part
of my plan. But we both had sex and we
know the consequences. Despite birth
control, this happened.
I thank god for showing his true nature
and protecting me despite my obvious
disobedience. I knew better, but didn't
do better and I feel I must stand up and
be a responsible woman. I'm scared and
confused, but I know that I will be
okay.
I do not want to be vindictive. But I
do know that child support is for the
child and want to know the best way to do
this. I know he will run or hide if I
even try to contact him now. Really I
don't want to talk to him. I can
support this child financially, but I also
know that I can't account for hidden or
unforeseen circumstances (illnesses,
hospitalizations, etc.). I will be
meeting with a financial planner to go
over my finances and determine the correct
investments for me and my child. I am
not trying to force fatherhood on anyone,
but what is done is done. I didn't want
to be in this situation either, but I
am.
Am I wrong for wanting to know how to
proceed for child support? I wanted to
have a legal agreement drawn up with him
(without the court being involved) and try
to work with him while he was going
through this bad financial time. But he
does not want any communication regarding
this child. Part of me wants to just
pretend as if he's dead and forget about
it, but another part of me knows that I
need to make sure I get child support
taken care of.
Despite how crazy and mean this man has
been to me recently, I really feel sorry
for him. What kind of hard hearted
person could try to forget and wash their
hands of their child? I do not want
anything to do with him and I thank god
for showing me who this man is before this
"relationship" went any longer. I also
thank god for giving me peace. I know
that i'm in a better position than many
other women in my situation and i'm
grateful, but I still cry and i'm still
confused and nervous. I feel awful that
I slipped up and now i'm putting my child
in a situation with a father who could
care less.
Thank you for reading this lengthy post
|
theman
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2005 Posts: 77 Location: South Wales, United Kingdom
Posted: 07-25-05 05:31am
I'm very sorry for your situation, here.
It is difficult, I can understand.
However, as you said, you must put the
needs of the child first. If the father
to this child is not going to love it, or
perhaps even not be there at all, then
maybe it's time to reconsider the father,
especially since he's now no longer as
you're used to. Perhaps you could offer
him an ultimatum, as such. Either he
stays with you and supports this child and
lets it join you together (because that's
one of the things children are meant to
do!), or he reconsiders his devotions.
You can't go on living in limbo, you have
to have a difinitive answer to the
questions you have in your mind. Be open
to him, and see what you get back. I
haven't had any experience of this, so i'm
really just going on instinct here, but
that's what i'd do. Best of luck!
|
Alessandra1202
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Aug 2005 Posts: 48 Location: ohio
Posted: 08-01-05 15:25pm
Well in a way I know exactly how you feel.
I got pregnent when I was younger and by
a guy that I had know since I was at least
16 if not younger....We used protection
but it still happened .....Even though he
was not my boyfriend at the time( my
boyfriend and I had just broke up) I
thought I knew him well enough that we
could definitly make this work....Boy was
I wrong after she was born he denied her
and ran I had to send out for paternity
because even though I knew I was finacial
stable for the both of us I needed the
child suport for just in case
(and trust me you do wheather it be
daycare diapers clothes formula it got
rough) well needless to say at one time he
wanted to sign his rights over other times
he ran job to jobhe told me he doesn't
want that responsibilty and doesnt want to
be a father.........I was even more hurt
when I found out his last two girlfriends
had kids but he wont see his own....Oh
well now he has another chikd on the way
with his new girl and has yet to see us
......I have yet to recieve consecutive
child support payments but at least its
through court now and on record( I tried
doing verbal agreement and administrative
....Didnt go well)
all I can say is best of luck but you
sound incredibly strong and lots of us do
it everyday it can get depressing and
frustrating but I think in the end youll
be fine
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