Broken Hearted Forum - Can Trust Be Restored?
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Can Trust Be Restored?

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Medical Questions-> Health Forums -> Broken Hearted -> Can Trust Be Restored?
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Kaldia

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 2
Location: mesa, az
Can Trust Be Restored?
Posted: 11-17-03 16:04pm

I am almost 30, my boyfriend is 32.

I just found out that when he went home to visit his family, he went to meet a person he met online, and planned to have sex with her. According to the information I found he didnt, but he did kiss her and touched her.

I love him very much, and, while there are alot more details to this issue, i'm looking to speak with anyone who has had a similar 'cheating' incident and chose to work it out. I want to know if, and how, he can earn my trust again. I have heard of it working, but I have never heard any of the details on how to even beging to work it out. My mind tells me to dump him, but I am in love with him, and my heart says to stay and work it out.

Can that even happen?

I need help.

(btw, I have made an appointment with a professional counselor, just haven't been to see them yet)
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phil dennison

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2003
Posts: 71
Location: illinois

Posted: 11-17-03 17:19pm

Your mind is right. If he feels that your not good enough to not cheat you, he would of stayed at home that day. All I can say is get him away from you. But if you think this could work out, this is how you will know. Tell him i'm glad I know this, and i've cheated on you too. It was tom a year ago. Let's go get counceiling together. And if he does go, you mean something to him. Good luck Wink
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Kaldia

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Nov 2003
Posts: 2
Location: mesa, az

Posted: 11-18-03 00:55am

I spoke with him for several hours today, and while i'm not sure if I can ever trust him again, I told him I would see if we could work it out. He told me he wants to seek counseling, for this and many other issues in his life he is unsatisfied with, and I didnt have to ask him to do it. I'm not sure if this can work, if I can ever trust him again, I dont know how you go about earning that back, but if it can, I think we will be stronger in the end.....I just dont know if we can make it that far.

Is there any couples out there who have made it? I would really like to hear from the sucess stories, I want to know that it can happen.
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saturn24

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Nov 2003
Posts: 205
Location: Pittsburgh, Pa

Posted: 11-30-03 04:42am

I know you want to hear positive feedback, but I still have to respond. It can work. However, you will pretty much have to give up your self confidence and just accept the fact that your life with this man will never be what you think it is. Yes, a person can change, but the fact of the matter is, they usually dont. When people do change, it is usually when they have been lonely for a long time, or if they find that one special person. I am not saying that you are not that one special person, but maybe he is just the kind that doesn't change.
You can try as hard as you can to trust him again, and in the end you probably won't trust him any more than you do now. It is awful, but true. Do what is in your heart, but don't ignore your head. Good luck.
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nikki_caro

Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Aug 2003
Posts: 4921
Location: Right here at work!

Posted: 12-02-03 19:19pm

He can try to change, but he has to walk on egg shells to gain your trust. And that is very hard to gain back. I know you want positive feedback but there really never is any positivity to cheating. Once a cheater always a cheater. If its not now, maybe 4 years from now. If you take him back, he knows he can mess up again and you well take him back...Again. You cant give him 3 chances. Once he messes up, thats it. He should have thought over the consequences before he got serious on the internet. I mean, he planned to have sex! What would you have done then? He cheated physically and he cheated in his heart. He broke his trust that he had with you. You can believe he will stay off the internet forever when it was tempting once. You need to think about whats best for you? Being single? Or stuck with a cheater? You should let him go and find better.
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shannonwatts

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003
Posts: 46
Location: charlotte, nc

Posted: 01-05-04 11:04am

Hi! I'm not sure if I should be giving out any advise because i'm going through a similar situation. I'm 24 and married. We have a 16 month old son and are expecting our 2nd child in april. Two months ago I found out my husband cheated on me. It happened about 10 months ago. Suppossively he was really messed up on pain pills and drank a lot that night. He says he doesn't remember a thing about that night. But the fact is he made a baby with this girl. Now i'm pregnant with his child as well and can't help thinking he got me pregnant on purpose so when I did eventually find out about his infidelity I wouldn't leave him. When I found out I was so hurt and confused. I never thought this could happen to me.
My first thought was of course leaving him. I never could trust him again and the thought of him touching me made me sick. I'm so against cheating. I think it's a horriable thing to do to someone you love wheather your married with kids or not. It still hurts the same. I did a lot of praying. I decided to try and forgive. I hope this will make our relationship with one another stronger. We started going back to church and are going to start marriage counceling. My husband doesn't believe much in the church or couneling but is willing to go to save our marriage. It's been 2 months and everyday is a struggle for me. I still cry alot, but have to be strong for my son and for myself. I believe you can forgive your boyfriend for what he's done. It's the forgetting that's so hard. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about what he's done to our family. There's alot of anger and resentment towards him. There's alot the two of us have to work on. Your boyfriend has to be willing to change for you and for himself. You can't be the one to change him. I wish you lots of luck and will be thinking of you.
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brinksbayb24

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Jan 2004
Posts: 7
Cheater
Posted: 01-27-04 16:37pm

Get rid of him!! Once a cheater always a cheater!!!!!!
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Guest

Guest


Thanks: 5
Thanked:0
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Posted: 01-29-04 10:38am

This is an older post I was just wondering how it went?
If you worked it out ?
It is way easier to forgive than forget.
The first time they cheat is the hardest.It gets easier.
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