Sister of Self Abuser

Well hun it isnt her fault aabout her disoder..And what she needs now is to feel loved...And she need u to support her...And just let her know u care!!!!! And no ur not fat..Your sister justthinks she is fat b.C of her disease..And maby this was that she had enough of starving and wanted help!!...So I dontno really what else to say..And I hope I have helped..

I know that this must be very scary for you and your family. You see sometimes when a person has an eating disorder, they are so numb to the world around them that they do not realise how much the people who love them are affected by what they do.
I have one younger sister and I have also ended up in hopsitpal because of overdosing and she was so so annoyed, she really hated me for being so selfish but its not that I was being selfish, I really believed that because I was hurting my family so much, it would be better if I left and died because I thought that would end my pain as well as theirs. Thats not the case but sometimes I still want to die and its very difficult to think of other people when you feel so alone. It really feels like hell, we live in hell everyday, every minute and sometimes it does get too much for us to handle.
Families get affected alot because the person who is suffering is so numb to what they are doing and how they are feeling but its the family who are not numb and they see whats going on, in a way it hurts them more and your sister has the luxury of being so numb but that won't last forever.
I understand where your sister is coming, I understand the hell and hopelessness she feels but she has to realise that she is not on her own and people do love her.
What you can do is let her know that she has really hurt you because she needs to know she does affect other people but you could also tell her that you care so much for her and its killing you to see whats she's going through and although you can't fully understand what is going on with her, you too are affected by it and are hurting too. Tell her that you care for her and that you want to have a big sister again and that you are scared you might lose her. Tell her how you feel, tell her the truth she needs to hear it, if she knows it or not. Your sister needs to be brought back to reality and if it takes you to tell her how you feel she will be upset but appricate your honesty.
Now for you, it is so so important that you take care of yourself, put yourself first, do things for you, you will always be there for your sister but in life we help people by example and if you can look after yourself, if you can continue on doing the things you like, going out with friends, reading, what ever it is, don't forget about yourself and you will help your sister realise that in life, always put your own well being first.
I hope this helps you, good luck and write anytime.
Take care

I know I should be there and I know that it must be hell for her. But ever since it stared ive been involved. I heard her the first time she was sick- she was crying in the bathroom. And I confronted her about it and she said if I told mum she'd kill herself. But then she stopped being sick and seemed to disapear. Shes disgusting to look at, why does she think its attractive. She was beautiful. She was a size 10 when she started making herself sick and I was so jelous of her, her looks her figure, everything. And now she has a head and then bone all the way down- is this attractive? Is this how women want to look, shes so intelligent, a straight a student- how can she be this stupid,
im trying so hard to be supportive but a little horrible peice of me wishes she'd died. It would be so much easier. I love her- of course I do but I cant stand seeing my mum like this- she hasnt slept she cries all the time and shes glued to this computer- researching anorexia and bulimia trying to find a way of coping. Alice has destroyed anything our family had.

Hi.First I want to congradulate you on reaching out and telling people your worries etc.You are very mature.I was once in your position,with a sister who had practically wasted away due to anorexia and I felt exactly the same way as you did.I hated her for doing it and yet I loved her because I could remeber all the happy times we had together.I could remember her laugh and how happy and secure it made me feel.That made me sad because while she was going through her ed hell,i never heard that laugh and I never thouht I would again.I honestly thought she was going to die.But she was a strong woman,just as alice is and she pulled through,just as alice will.Alice has no idea what she is putting you guys throug.She has desensitised herself in order to get away from the bad fellings and thoughts the ed causes.Unfortunatley,this means that she has no idea how much she is hurting her family.Believe me,nobody will blame you for wishing that alice had died when she od'd.It is perfectly natural to want to remove the thing that causes the most pain in our livs.But a couple of years down the road,when you and alice go out for a cup of coffee and laugh at the dodgy guys trying to chat you up,you will realise that alice's ed is part of what made her the strong and brilliant person that she is.Don't give up hope.Tell her that you love her,no matter what.Because deep down,you know that is true.You will get you big sister back one day.Good luck xx

Hey, I just wanted to say that I chatted quite a bit to alice, we pm'd eachother. She was pretty messed up about her self, but she felt so guilty about hurting her family and her self. There is nothing you could have done, an ed is in the head and as such, it can only be the person with heaps of help, who can make them selves better. Dont beat your self up, she needs lots of rigourous psychological help to feel better about her self...I found out about alice after she stopped wrting to me, your mother informed me, so I dont think she'd be mad at you for writing to this forum. Keep alice happy for me, she really is a special girl. Hopefully she can be as beautiful on the outside again as she is on the inside! Lots of love to you and, your family and ofcoarse alice. Keep strong for her, ok? She really loves and needs you

There is no way that she thought you were fat, none. An eating disorder is all about your self and often striving for perfection, even though some people dont see it as so perfect! Please dont give up on her, or your family. The best thing you can do for her is keep the family together, she would be devastated to know that she caused your family so much anguish. And look after your mum, give her hug or something.

Yah hun im sorry...Its just that u care so much for ur sister...And I have an e.D and im trying but it is hard for me b.C my sister is wishing the worst for me so that makes me sad..I just glad ur a nice sister...And I didnt realize I was hurting the ppl who love me by throwing up or starving my self...I just didnt come to my attention that I would make ppl get hurt by doing this to my self!!! Its like why are u getting so upset I mena its my body..But I guess it just does and as I read what other people have to say I realize what I have done and what my friends must really feal now..And I really never understood why they would get so upset about it and I dont even have my close friends any more they couldnt stand to see me hurt myself any more so they just stopped talkign to me...Just never stop talking to her o.K...Well yah I hope u can it frm her point of veiw now?? O.K ttyl be strong and u will get through this..