Advice How to Handle This Posted: 07-13-05 07:55am
Hi,
i have been living with my fiancee for
about 4 years. We also have 3 yrs old
daughter.
She has never been married, and I had
unsuccessful previous marriage.
Everything looks fine... But somehow I
feel like she does not really love me and
does things as "she has to". Something
like obligation to make me feel happy.
Because of the bad experience with my
previous marriage, I am/was not in a hurry
to marry again. I love her, and think
that strong relationship is more important
than having papers that you are married.
Yesterday, she had her e-mail opened on
her computer. I looked through it (i do
not spy on her, but this somehow happened)
and saw few e-mails she exchanged with
some guy. She congratulated him with his
birthday and sent him lots of kisses and
hugs... Then he suggested to runaway with
her (calling her my love) to an exotic
place... She replied something like:
"don't rub it in... I think this is an
excellent idea... Miss you xxxx ".
These emails were from an year ago, and
exchanged within 1-2 months period.
I was shocked. They just fueled my
feeling that something is not right.
Now I am puzzled what to do. I talked
with her, without telling her what I saw.
She said she loves me and everything
sounded really nice....
Should I take this e-mails seriously?
Should I ask her directly about it and
risk her accusing me of spying?
I am trying to think of these e-mails as
she had some bad time and needed some
fantasy to relax and escape.
The difficult question is - if we get
married, and she misses somebody else...
This marriage will not last or at least
will not be happy... Is she just using
me?
Any advices are appreciated.
D.
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asdfjkl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jul 2005 Posts: 41 Location: British Columbia
Posted: 07-13-05 21:18pm
Its a tough situation. Ive yet to be in
a relationship for that long. Trust is
huge, and it doesnt seem like either of
you have it in eachother. Her for the
e-mail, which I would take seriously..
Especially if you're ready to make a full
life commitment. And you for spying on
her (which im guilty of in my relationship
as well). You were good for confronting
her in a way that doesnt bust you for
spying :p
im a firm believer that if a girl has to
stop herself from another man as an
obligation to you, its not meant to be.
Just tell her to be honest with you and
ask her if there is anyone else in the
world she would rather be with. Good
luck, hope all works out well for you
