Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 70 Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia
Should I Get Help? Posted: 07-13-05 22:29pm
Do I have schizophrenia?
My bf thinks that I do....Everyday to me
is a struggle to stay alive I think about
suicidal thoughts alot yet I know I have
so much to live for.
When I think about them though it isnt
normal its like there are voices in my
head for instance today I was sitting in
front of the fire thinking about stuff n I
swear it was like I had a school room of
children in my head. I have so many
voices there I cant think for myself I
cant work out what they r all saying.
Some days I try so hard to stop focusing
on them but I cant and it makes me cry n
get angry n get 'selfish'.
Well according to my partner im
selfish....Sometimes I say things that I
mean nicely yet he says they come out
rude....It could be as simple as asking
him to stop at the shop on the way home
from work to get something we need yet I
yell it instead of ask politely.
I neva realise it either what hurts him n
makes him think im selfish I really dont
think I do I see it as normal.
But the voices neva go away......They r
worse when I have had an arguement with
someone.
Today I had an arguement with my partner n
I went to the bedroom n cried because I
knew I had said somethings wrong and as
soon as I started getting upset the voices
came in from no where so I started banging
my head against the wall.
My bf showed me this on tape once me
acting like this and it reminds me of how
my 2yr old daughter acts when she cracks
it.
I dont feel worthy of anyone anymore.
Im really sorry this was so long but I
just need someones advice.
Sometimes I see things when I close my
eyes like they r actually
happening....Sometimes they are nothing
other times they r horrible.
I feel as though im losing my mind.
Its tearing me apart and I dont know what
to do anymore I went on anti depressants
cause my doctor told me I was just
depressed but I fear its worse then
that.
Please someone I just need some advice
what do u all think?
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chels03
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 70 Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia
Posted: 07-13-05 22:33pm
Also I thought I should add that sometimes
I feel really well nothing.
Like I can just sit there in a daze and
not feel anything and not see anyone.
You could carry on a whole convo with me
and I would answer yes and no but I
wouldnt even realise we were talking.
Other times I just feel low and unworthy
of the world. And other times I feel on
top of the world (that rarely happens and
when it does it only lasts a few seconds
and then I feel caca again)
just thought I should add this
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hunkirg
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2005 Posts: 50 Location: manitoba
Posted: 07-13-05 22:40pm
Your partner is misunderstanding, so
please don't take them personally, he just
is having trouble understanding. When
you hear the laughter it is your mind
giving you an audio cue,as to what it is
trying to figure out. By staring at you
are actually going "internal" and that is
when your mind will begin to remember the
past to fit your emotions. This is not
your fault. What misunderstanding were
you trying to figure out when this
happened.
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chels03
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 70 Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia
Posted: 07-13-05 22:45pm
It was just because he said that he didnt
want my daughter to go stay at my mothers
place because he didnt want her sleeping
routine being stuffed up and I cracked it
because I wanted time to myself n I said
some horrible stuff n then yeah this
happened but its not just when we argue it
happens all the time
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hunkirg
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2005 Posts: 50 Location: manitoba
Posted: 07-13-05 23:11pm
You will hear voices everytime you
encounter a verbal response that does not
match the emotional response, and you feel
either misunderstood or like you are being
attacked. I think you should be honest
with your partner and tell them you are
feeling tremendously stressed and a visit
with grandma for your daughter would be
best for everyone for a few days. Then
you need to explain that you have been
thinking alot about your interactions with
people and can't find a way to understand.
That if they will be patient and let you
ask some simple questions and if the give
you an honest explanation, without
self-interest, it really will help you to
understand those things that haave been
happening all your life that have made you
feel bad, and have lead to choices that if
someone had honestly explained would have
been different. By understanding the
past and where those emotions belong, they
will help you live a little more of life
now. Everyone deserves that.
|
hunkirg
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2005 Posts: 50 Location: manitoba
Posted: 07-13-05 23:11pm
You will hear voices everytime you
encounter a verbal response that does not
match the emotional response, and you feel
either misunderstood or like you are being
attacked. I think you should be honest
with your partner and tell them you are
feeling tremendously stressed and a visit
with grandma for your daughter would be
best for everyone for a few days. Then
you need to explain that you have been
thinking alot about your interactions with
people and can't find a way to understand.
That if they will be patient and let you
ask some simple questions and if the give
you an honest explanation, without
self-interest, it really will help you to
understand those things that haave been
happening all your life that have made you
feel bad, and have lead to choices that if
someone had honestly explained would have
been different. By understanding the
past and where those emotions belong, they
will help you live a little more of life
now. Everyone deserves that.
|
chels03
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 70 Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia
Posted: 07-13-05 23:14pm
I have tried to talk to him...He is the
one that told me that maybe I have
schizophrenia because his aunty has it and
I have been getting all the same syptoms
as she got before she got put on
medication.
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hunkirg
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2005 Posts: 50 Location: manitoba
Posted: 07-13-05 23:40pm
I would agree. Even with medication
however you need to tell him that you do
not understand those abstract leaps others
do and that is what creates the confusion
and misunderstandings. The pills will
not solve the problem, only slow it down.
You have to choose to use this time in
your life to find the answers you need.
When you heard the children what did it
remind you of?
