Joined: 17 Jul 2005 Posts: 1 Location: Calgary, Alberta
What to Do?? Posted: 07-17-05 02:20am
Well, I am writing this to hopefully have
someone respond that has been through
something like this, cuz right about now I
dont think I can keep going.
My wife and I seperated 4 months ago after
being together since we were 16 I am 31
now, we have had many ups and downs, and I
was not always the best father, boyfriend,
husband, and in the same token I am sure
she would agree she made some poor
choices. We were married at 21, we
declared bankruptcy at age 26 and now at
31 are dealing with seperation with 4
amazing kids, I pay her child support
every month, even though the amount I pay
leaves me with literally nothing at the
end of the month, yet she has "extra"
money to do fun things. Through all of
this I still love her and I dont know what
to do, I have never been alone before, and
I dont like it, my friends are good at
trying to get me to go out and things,
problem is most things cost money which I
dont have, and I am not exactly a barrel
of laughs lately. I live in the same
neighborhood as my ex and the kids, I see
them everyday and they more often than not
spend the night, my one son just spent a
week.
I just want the pain to go away, but it
wont, everytime I think of anything that
has happened in my life it includes her,
but now I am not supposed to think like
that. I dont know why exactly I am
writing this here but right now I just
want someone not close to me to offer a
suggestion or something, I dont know, at
night when the kids dont stay over I am
constantly thinking about ending it all,
but I know it would hurt them, and then I
would disappoint them again, really a no
win.
Well it is almost 2 am here, and I should
think about going to bed soon, to whom
ever reads this, thank you for taking the
time, to read about my problems.
Sincerely
saddad
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bbbbb
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2005 Posts: 11
Capitulate Posted: 07-18-05 13:30pm
Sometimes we have to capitulate totally to
circumstances ---
or people ---
what if you sought counsel, therapy, made
written promises and guarantees to your ex
and sought to re-establish friendship and
a relationship with her?
One "aww caca erases all the atta boys" as
they say, it's very hard to earn back
trust, like a million good deeds to one
mistake, but you can earn it back, never
make excuses for past bad behavior just
acknowledge it and apologize and make
apparent concrete changes, almost nobody
can ignore that effort
perhaps make her see that no other man
will ever father your and her kids as you
could, especially given how man,
especially as they approach troubled
teenage years, perhaps emphasize family
(i.E. All 6 of you) functions (set them
up) to show that there's no replacing an
intact family insofar as the happiness of
the children...Emphasize how happy your
kids are when you two are together, and
treat her like she's a golden girl and
perhaps, not guaranteed, but perhaps she
will want to get back together...Maybe
even just date you exclusively again...Who
knows? Sometimes you can just leave her
an apparent escape hatch (like only living
next door or close by not in the house)
but occupying so much of her time and the
kids that you are for all intents and
purposes married...That's what i'd do if I
were in your shoes...
Once you have kids, nobody can ever really
replace the spouse
