Was there any awakening items in this post for you?
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[ 3 ]
No
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Total Votes : 6
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freddiemac
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2003 Posts: 4
Want to Hear From Someone Who Is Older:) Posted: 11-20-03 11:20am
I was attempting to put up a catchie
subject line so you would read, but after
I read it I had to laugh as i'm thinking
your immediate answer might be: "well,
noooooo!" ha!
Ok, I thought I would post this for
whatever. I'm a guy and probably older
than any body else in this forum and
here's my two-cents for ya.
Sex really has -- for the most part, two
purposes: (1) making babies and hopefully
into a healthy home that is enriched
enough that the parents are mature enough
and prepared to take on that
responsibility and (2) to provide intimate
relational pleasure. I think I worded
that correctly, hopefully. But read both
of them again, they're important.
Sex when you're 16, 18, 19 etc. ....
When the whole purpose is nothing more
than just because it's saturday night type
of thing is pretty stupid for a number of
reasons; if you don't believe me, just
read more of this forum and other reasons
too .... And I would like to get into
those:
sexual intercourse is "extremely"
emotional. You have no other frontiers
to explore after that. More importantly,
your emotions are still very unsettled ...
And if so, how are you ever to provide
intimate relational pleausre at such a
young age, you see?
The last thing you want to do in that
regard is press the button that explodes
all the emotional sensors that you have.
I don't know if this makes any sense or
not. When I was young I heard the exact
same arguments from some others too, so,
it has nothing to do w/ the times, thats a
very old excuse.
I don't blame any young people of any age
but I do blame the hollywood or the
producers of television these days.
Immediately following the 6 o'clock news
we have topics of sex - that is stupid too
at any age of time.
Well, ha, now that i've typed this out and
read it ...... I doubt very much i'll win
the war! But I think i'll post it anyway
because i've been there and I know it's
true. I was lucky and a lot of people
will be lucky and will make it through ok.
However, a huge number don't. A huge
number get permanently harmed by pulling
the trigger to much to soon and that's the
sad part of it all.
There does come a time though when I say
you can let her rip!! I'm just saying,
you really need to temper it down until
then. That time is a bit different for
everyone but i'm sure it's after age 20.
Crossing that line prior to then is
sort-of like opening the breakfast food at
1p.M on friday, then what is there to do
saturday morning but that's not all it's
like.
It's the emotional plugs it creates that
really have no place to plug into and if
connections are found, they're not right
because you're still changing so
drastically. Here's one good of many
examples: a young girl experiences sex and
becomes so emotionally tied to x boy that
she changes her whole life in the next 4
to 6 years .... She doesn't go to the
school she would have, she doesn't take
the time to devote to something she really
dreamed of and was fully capable of doing
because she's so, now, tied to this also
changing boy, who after 5 years decides
he's going to go another direction!!!!
That's a very very brief item of the power
of sexual intercourse but one you need to
think long and deep about. What are
you're personal dreams and hopes for you?
Write them down and if you can stay on
track and no matter what, then maybe, just
maybe, you've got the emotional maturity
to make it. But any deviation is a wrong
plug-in somewhere. But sexual
intercourse while very young is just so
stupid, you're just robbing yourself.
It is so difficult to find the right words
to explain. You're walking a fine line
of a huge interior bomb that can ruin you.
Have you ever seen two very young kids
(boy and a girl) who are "clinging" each
other and "you just have a very very
strong idea they've probably had sexual
intercourse" because they really do look
"out of place", they cling to each other
like maybe they have all the wrong plugs
plugged in don't they. Their messed up
with all the emotion of it all.
If your're already in that boat you can't
see your ship. You need to ask honestly
to someone else and if you do, they'll
give you an honest answer, maybe. If
not, I just did. Young kids who are
clinging to each other and attempting to
handle it look out of wack! Period:)
did that help? Doubt it.
Hope this helps in some area. Happy
dreams.
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Forum Girl
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Oct 2003 Posts: 207 Location: Orlando, Florida
I Got a Little Wordy.... Posted: 11-20-03 18:52pm
I see your point but i'm not sure I agree
with it completely. I learned very early
in life that life is all about making
mistakes. My life has been one mistake
right after another. When I was 16 years
old I was in a minor car accident and was
very upset over it. A police officer
came over to me to try to calm me down and
told me that most people only have on car
accident in their life and that I was
lucky the car accident I was in was minor.
Those words got me thinking. Mistakes
are life's lessons. Maybe I was meant to
have that car accident so I would learn
that lesson and keep me from having a
worse car accident somewhere later in
life. Since that day I have looked at
every mistake I have made - from the minor
to the severe - in that light. And even
when I am an emotional wreck after a
particularly bad mistake, I still sit
there and think, I had to go through this
this time because if I didn't, the next
time would have been twice as bad. I
look at each mistake as something that is
saving me from making a worse mistake
later.
With that in mind, I kinda agree and
disagree with what you said. I think
whether you have sex for the first time
when you are 14 or 40 you do become
emotionally attached to that person. You
want to breathe the same air as they do
and you think the world revolves around
only them. And when it ends for whatever
reason, its hard to give that up. But I
think its hard to give that up because of
the love you feel for them and not because
of the sexual ties you have with them.
There are no truer words that you never
forget your first love. And I think for
most people your first love is the first
person you have sex with. You turn your
world upside down and abandon your dreams
for the love, not the sex. Sex is a
by-product of the love (or sometimes what
you think is love). You can't fault a
person for falling in love and following
their heart. Even if 6 years down the
road they realize things aren't going to
work out and they suddenly realize all the
things they have missed out on. But what
if you had to have that relationship and
miss out on those things - make those
mistake - so that later on you don't make
a worse mistake? Maybe the lessons you
have learned in that relationship will
keep you from making the same mistakes in
your next. I value every relationship I
have ever been in, even the ones that
ended horribly, because each one I have
been able to walk away from knowing what I
do and don't want in a relationship. My
first serious relationship was with the
first person I had sex with and it lasted
for four years. And it ended absolutely
horribly. But I learned so much about
myself, so much about what I wanted out of
a relationship, what kind of person I
wanted to be with and it made my next
relationship so much better. I didn't
have to make those same mistakes again.
So I know this got kinda long and wordy
but while I see your point and I think you
are on the right track to some extent, I
look at the same thing in a slightly
different way. We all make mistakes.
We all enter into a relationship at
sometime in our lifes that everyone around
us thinks is wrong. But you have to make
your own mistakes, you have to learn your
own hard lessons and one of those
universal life lessons is having your
first love, your first sexual experience,
and realizing your mistakes and growing
from them. I don't think having sex at a
young age and making that person your
entire world is as bad a thing as you
think it is. It gives you your battle
scars and makes you who you are today.
After all the mistakes i've been through I
wouldn't change one single experience.
I'm happy with who I am today and I am who
I am today because of those mistakes.
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sparklypixie12
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Sep 2003 Posts: 3099
Posted: 11-20-03 18:57pm
Ok-glad u had the chance 2 rant at all us
'young people' but u r generalising 2
much-do u think we all go out of a
saturday nite & get pissed? No,we
dont!!! I am 18 and a half,have a
boyfriend of 2yrs & 7 months-we r very
much in love & neither of us has been
with any1 else.We plan 2 marry when we r
both graudated-c,we have r heads screwed
on.Its a load of rubbish that cos a girl
sleeps with some1 when she's young it
ruins her life!! Yes,there r many girls
in the teen pregnancy forum that r like 14
& pregnant but hey,if they r happy
& being supported by a partner &
can raise the child,fair play 2 them! Id
rather c them doing that then having
abortions. U said "but sexual intercourse
while very young is just so stupid, you're
just robbing yourself" it doesnt rob
everybody! And yes,some people do go out
& sleep around & although I dont
agree with that,theyre not emotionally
involved in the whole sex thing cos if
they were,they wouldnt do it! Ur painting
quite a negative picture of young people
here!!! We're not all the same.Anyway,u
have ur views,i hvae mine!!!! And I
respect that! Gud day 2 u!
Liz
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freddiemac
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2003 Posts: 4
Re: I Got a Little Wordy.... Posted: 11-22-03 11:57am
I see what you're saying about mistakes
and I agree, we can learn from our
mistakes.
However, there's just one huge problem
about that which was exactly my point:
once that young little thing crosses that
line with sexual intercourse they don't
see it as a mistake.
They get all the feelings and emotions all
mixed up with each other. On one hand,
it felt pretty good .... Ha! That's an
understatement isn't it. I'm not saying
that everyone has a good experience the
first time I understand some don't but the
majority has a very good time but again,
the problem is that the emotions get mixed
up with the feel-good and there's no way
to seperate them at that age and there's
no way to fight it.
It's like telling the ministers daughter
that her daddy is bad. How do you fight
something so good? I can just hear that
young girl say, "but I love him" or any
one of several different lines i've
heard.
This is something bigger that can't be
managed at that age. The problem is and
it happens left and right, I see it almost
weekly in a manner of speaking. The
mistake isn't identified until years
later. That's the problem. Hope that
helps. See ya
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Forum Girl
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Oct 2003 Posts: 207 Location: Orlando, Florida
Posted: 11-22-03 12:55pm
I think your view of young people is very
sad. The way you refer to them as "young
little thing" is demeaning.
You said: "i'm not saying that everyone
has a good experience the first time I
understand some don't but the majority has
a very good time but again, the problem is
that the emotions get mixed up with the
feel-good and there's no way to seperate
them at that age and there's no way to
fight it. "
are you saying that sex and emotions
shouldn't be mixed? Emotions should
always be involved with sex. The act of
opening yourself up to someone in such an
intimate way should be chaulked full of
emotion. I think if you are having sex
with people you feel nothing for, then you
have a serious problem.
I don't think you give young people the
credit they deserve. Young people today
have to deal with so much more on a day to
day basis than young people had to even
just 10 years ago.
What is your point here? You came here
and ranted and raved but what point
exactly are you trying to make? What is
your purpose? All that I can see that
you have accomplished is showing everyone
how much you look down on younger people
and your ability to demean them. Again -
I think your view of young people is very
sad and very misinformed.
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sparklypixie12
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Sep 2003 Posts: 3099
Posted: 11-22-03 19:01pm
Thank u florida girl!!! This man has no
clue about young people!!! He's probably
about 80 with his views!!
