I have been married for a little over
three years. And for about 2 of the three
years I have been feeling like I am the
only person in this relationship. It has
not always been this way either. All my
husband cares about is the sex part of our
relationship. I need so much more than
that. I work a 40 hour week just as he
does and yet I come home every nite cook
dinner, clean clothes and take care of my
9 year old son. He comes home and sits on
the couch and watches tv. On the weekends
I spend most of the weekend cleaning the
hard stuff like moping and scrubing
everthing from the floors the bathrooms
and weekly stuff like that. He does none
of this to help.
And thats just the easy stuff.
My house needs some repairs done and it is
just stuff that I really cant do by
myself. I have been asking and asking and
he states he'll get it later.
I have sat him down on 3 different
occassions to talk about how I feel. And
it never helped. I have also asked him to
leave and that didnt help either.
I told him that I was strong enough to
live on my own. Which I know I am. I did
it for a few years with my child before he
came along.
I feel like all of this is making me fall
out of love with the person I vowed to
spend the rest of my life with. But I
don't think I can spend the rest of my
life like this.
How many times do you talk to a grown man
to get a point across before you give up?
If anyone has any suggestions, I am all
ears.
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Keehiaangel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2005 Posts: 184
Sad But True Posted: 07-26-05 17:48pm
I am sorry that you are having to go
through this. My cousin just went threw
the same thing. She didn't marry him just
lived with him. She finally had enough
and left him. I am not saying you should
leave him for ever but honestly you should
take your child or children and leave for
a little while and make him see you are
serious. That is what I had to do also
and I have only been married 9months. But
sometimes men just think its our hormones
and not our hearts talking. I will pray
for you to have the strengh to know what
to do.
I also am 7m pregnant so that is what my
husband blames this on. Well I told him
the same thing each time I leave it gets
easier and easier till one day I wont
care. But he has finally chosen to get
help. Maybe you all could get marriage
concileng to. Sorry I dont spell so well.
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brian_may
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Aug 2005 Posts: 5
Posted: 08-22-05 14:10pm
I'm sorry you are living in this . As a
guy, it makes me mad to see guys who
simply aren't pulling their weight. If
you can use a remote, you can use a vacuum
cleaner!
If he had some positive male friends,
perhaps some of them could be a positive
influence and tell him how lazy he's
really being (honestly, not all guys watch
tv all night! I hate tv and do all the
cooking, and some cleaning while my wife
is at work - and I work too).
I would suggest cooking for yourself,
doing your own laundry and only cleaning
rooms you use and see how long it takes
before he gets too hungry, or runs out of
clean clothes.Unfortunately, it does seem
like hard measures would work best.
Good luck, and try to keep positive. You
seem to have done so well so far :)
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Keehiaangel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2005 Posts: 184
Better Posted: 08-23-05 11:32am
Are things any better for you? I pray for
you and I dont even know you. I hope so.
Keep postied
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rainfalls
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Aug 2005 Posts: 24 Location: minnesota
That Sucks Posted: 08-26-05 15:54pm
It seems inour soceity these days that
eventhough us women work 40 hours a week
the man still thinks or some men still
think we should also be doing the
household duties.
Does he work too? Maybe you oculd
suggest that if he wants all this stuff
done that you quit your job to be a
domesticated woman?
I have tried the not lceaning thing
myself, yes the kids and the b/f noticed,
complained to me about it, then he did get
up and do some, but it didnt matter.
I started then doing my own laundry not
his, little things like that.
Sounsd like it may be possible that is
depressed too? Doesnt have the ambition?
I am jsut guessing, either way, he knows
he is being lazy and is ignoring it, or he
really doesnt think there is anything
wrong with that, and if that is the case,
he wont change, so I would make him
leave.
Only you know him.....
Take a night out for yourself, or a day
where you do something for you, no
lceaning or nithing, it nay be hard but do
it, it sounds like you need a day alone
for you, shopping with the girls, a night
out with a few cocktails.....
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Lafter
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Aug 2005 Posts: 2 Location: Victoria BC
Posted: 08-26-05 20:54pm
Just my 2 cents worth. I've never been
married, but have lived with and had some
long term relationships with some great
women. Part of the question to me would
be, is he in love with you?, or does he
just like the fact he has a steady sex
partner. Let's face it ladies and
gentlemen, sex partners are easy to find,
but finding a friend who will work with
you in this life and then share a love for
each other, that can be a rare, but not
impossible thing.
I believe that sacrifice and
comprimise are two key elements to help
you in a relatioship. But don't read
into those words to dearly. When I say
sacrifice, I mean if my partner is at home
and the guys are asking to come out for a
beer, a simple na, not today, and spend
the time home with your significant other.
Then the little things seem so much
nicer. I will admit that some men will
take a woman for granted, and become
complacent in a relationship, if this is
the case, I agree with some of the others,
maybe you should take a break with your
son, and see if it really matters to him.
If it doesn't, your better off on your
own.
