Joined: 29 Jul 2005 Posts: 3 Location: los angeles
Toxic Realtionships Posted: 07-29-05 16:02pm
I'm involved in one now. We have a baby
daughter together. I'm interested in
knowing whether anyone here considers
themselves in a toxic relationship, and if
they've got tips on moving away from the
behavior.
My child's father supports us financially,
but he uses drugs, drinks way too much,
stays out all the time, talks to me and
everyone around him like dirt, lies, etc.,
there's not a hell of a lot of nice things
I can say about the guy other than he
gives me money. I'm so exhausted by
caring for our newborn, and tolerating his
bad behavior, that i'm stuck in a rut and
not making changes. I've also developed
this quest to find out whether he's
running around behind my back, which is
probably happening given how much he goes
out. I know rationally that I should
squash the quest, but part of me thinks
i'm looking for a reason other than the
100 I already have for leaving him for
good.
I've got a touch of post-partum depression
going on too. He is some kind of trigger
for this. As a sidenote, our child had a
lot of medical issues, i'm not working, my
finances are bleak, etc., it's a lot to
handle at once, and he's making everything
so much harder.
I'd love to hear some more stories.
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JennyP
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Aug 2005 Posts: 8 Location: Vancouver
Re: Toxic Realtionships Posted: 08-02-05 19:04pm
First off, congratulations on realizing
that there are big problems. That was the
hardest thing for me to do. A few years
ago now I was involved in a horribly
controling relationship with a man that I
had convinced myself that I loved. For
five years our relationship continued to
spiral downwards until I found myself
completely empty.
My ex was never physically abusive but
emotionally he controled how I felt about
myself on a day by day basis. I never let
myself get above a certain weight, I never
cooked things that he didn't like, in fact
I would go out of my way to please him by
keeping the house clean, cooking his
favorites and staying out of his way.
I was never allowed to be around his
friends and when the occasions came around
that we were all together he would be mad
at me for days after if they liked me or
wanted to see me again.
He controled me.
How I got out is of no consequence, the
way we get out and into these
relationships are as unique as our
stories. All that I can tell you is that
no matter what people say and most
importantly no matter what he says ...You
are incredibly strong and you have to be a
roll model for your baby. The first month
or two are going to be hard, I am not
going to lie...But if there is a rainbow
at the end of this...A year from now, even
6 months from now you will look back and
be thankful that you took the steps to
leave.
A few things that you might want to do
before you go:
1. Check with your state to see if there
are any public assistance programs or
places you can go until you are back on
your feet.
2. Tell a friend or relative that you
trust one you are going to do before you
do it.
3. Pack a bag if you have to leave
quickly and make sure that you have all of
your papers, passport, bank info...Etc.
4. Be brave and remember that this too
shall pass!
I hope that this reply finds you well and
in the end, no matter what your choice
that you find total and utter
happieness.
J
if it makes you feel better I am now
married to the most wonderful man I have
ever met and it is only because I finally
left the wrong relationship that I have
found the right one.
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pip2000
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jul 2005 Posts: 79 Location: uk
Toxic Relationship Posted: 08-02-05 19:19pm
Jenny p has said everything I would have
said, I have not had this problem but my
sister-in-law has,she got away and like
jenny said be ready go qickly,j said 1-4 I
would like to add a 5th, dont go back he
will not change. Good luck to you and god
bless.X
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 08-02-05 20:45pm
Very well said from both and get a good
attorney and make him pay!
You are too good for this!
He is abusing you!
There are places you can go now for
safety!
Good luck! Keep us posted!
Money is not everything!
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echopark
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jul 2005 Posts: 3 Location: los angeles
Thanks Everyone Posted: 08-03-05 18:41pm
I'm selling my house and making steps to
get back on my feet financially. There's
really no future in the relationship other
than contact we must have because of our
daugther. I appreciate the honest
responses. Oh, and he does support us
financially, he does that very well, not
much else though.
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JennyP
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Aug 2005 Posts: 8 Location: Vancouver
So Glad to Hear It Posted: 08-03-05 20:45pm
Echopark,
i am glad to see that you are moving on.
Keep us posted and very best of luck for
the future. I know that in a year from
now you will look back and be so happy of
the choices that you made.
