I think it is mainly related to drug use.
But my boyfriend would rather watch porn
that have sex with me. He doesnt want me
involved in anyway. He has even turned
down oral sex. I am in no way a
beautiful porn star; but I do have a
petite figure and am far from grotesque.
I actually get hit on pretty regularly.
But it is heartbreaking for me that I beg
my boyfirend to have sex with me & he
shoots me down practically every time!
Come on guys, please give me some insight
into this! Is it me or him?
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truckstophero
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jul 2005 Posts: 84 Location: alabama
Posted: 08-04-05 21:26pm
Its absolutely him.
He has intimacy issues and finds it easier
to fantasize on someone "fake" rather than
deal with the real issue of a human being.
Its easy to like porn casue there are no
"apparent" downfalls, no arguments, turn
it on when you feel like and off when
youre done. Its just that it leads to a
dangerous way of treating women like they
are only there for sex and forgetting they
need cuddling, love, attention,
conversation, all those things.
Its sad. But dont take it personally, it
is definately not your fault.
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Granps
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 225 Location: Arlington, TX
Topic: Pornography Posted: 08-05-05 04:47am
Move on. This is going to be a continous
problem until (maybe) he grows up.
If he is using, dump him now.
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CLEANSHAVED22
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2005 Posts: 12 Location: GA
It Is Him!! Posted: 08-05-05 06:38am
Listen,
i used to have a problem with porn and not
wanting to engage in sexual activity with
my g/f. Well I lost a good girl because I
was so consumed in something that looked
good but was only lust. I know you may
love and care for him but you have needs
that need to be met to. I would try to
leave and see if it has any effect on him.
If it is true love then he will come back
to you. Keep us posted.
the only way he'll recover
is by watching more porn. Well either
that or by cutting his balls. Try it,
see what
happens.
recover from what??? What is that
supposed to mean?? If its a joke, im not
finding it humarous, sorry.
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vanessalouanne
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2005 Posts: 2268 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 08-12-05 11:53am
Seriously, if it were me, I would move on
and find a guy who appreciates you, and
treats you like your the most beautiful
women in the world. Hey im all for a
little porn but if it becomes an
obsession, then it's not okay. Move on
and im sure youll find a guy who will
treat you like the sexiest women alive.
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truckstophero
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jul 2005 Posts: 84 Location: alabama
Posted: 08-12-05 20:12pm
vanessalouanne
wrote:
seriously, if it were me, I
would move on and find a guy who
appreciates you, and treats you like your
the most beautiful women in the world.
Hey im all for a little porn but if it
becomes an obsession, then it's not okay.
Move on and im sure youll find a guy who
will treat you like the sexiest women
alive.
if you were the sexiest woman alive, and
he treated you like her, then why would
you need "a little porn" like you put in
your post you have no problem with.
I absolultey do not believe any woman on
earth can have a purely 100% healthy
attitude or happiness in her husband/bf
watching porn. Women are just wired
totally differently to me, and no matter
how much denial they heaped upon
themselves to try and mould themselves so
their boyfriends like them more, I know
every woman watches porn and thinks " my
god, my bf likes those types of tits, or
those asses, or the way women do that"...
If you want a solid relationship of giving
and taking, then give each other alot of
sex and also asexual touching and hugging
and take the porn and burn it!
The other night my boyfriend & I got
into another conflict. He accused me of
caring only about one thing, which is sex.
I told him that it isnt the most
important aspect of a relationship,
although it is extremely important. He
said I need to get over my insecurities
& get over myself.
We are in our mid-twenties and if we have
sex once a week that is an excellent
month! Obviously there is intimacy
issues, with the lack of physical contact
& the obsession with porn; but I do
love this person. I am going to have his
child. (we had sex once in the month of
june & look what happened)
we did engage in intercourse the other
evening....First time since I got
pregnant. It lasted 10 minutes & he
said: 'that should shut you up for while.'
this is going to be a long life, and I
dont want to be one of those girls who
cheats. Sorry to whine & bother;
just keeping you updated.
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vanessalouanne
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2005 Posts: 2268 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 08-15-05 16:00pm
truckstophero
wrote:
vanessalouanne
wrote:
seriously, if it were me, I
would move on and find a guy who
appreciates you, and treats you like your
the most beautiful women in the world.
Hey im all for a little porn but if it
becomes an obsession, then it's not okay.
Move on and im sure youll find a guy
who will treat you like the sexiest women
alive.
if you were the sexiest woman alive, and
he treated you like her, then why would
you need "a little porn" like you put in
your post you have no problem with.
I absolultey do not believe any woman on
earth can have a purely 100% healthy
attitude or happiness in her husband/bf
watching porn. Women are just wired
totally differently to me, and no matter
how much denial they heaped upon
themselves to try and mould themselves so
their boyfriends like them more, I know
every woman watches porn and thinks " my
god, my bf likes those types of tits, or
those asses, or the way women do that"...
If you want a solid relationship of giving
and taking, then give each other alot of
sex and also asexual touching and hugging
and take the porn and burn
it!
your right no one is 100% secure in their
relationship, but how boring would that
be. Sorry but I dont put that much
thought into watching porn.. Hey it is
something different and kinky. Who said
she was the sexiest women alive? I just
said she should be treated
like she is.. Aka she needs to be treated
well... I never said I was the sexiest
women alive, my husband just knows how to
make me feel like I am.. Im sorry if you
cant get laid, and your not treated good,
but lets not throw stones now.
Ps sounds like you must have really boring
sex..It is ok to try something new.. I
feel sorry for whoever your with. It
small quantities it is ok to try something
different. When it becomes an obsession
and you are uncomfterable with it, that is
when it is a problem and it needs to stop.
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vanessalouanne
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2005 Posts: 2268 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Re: First Update Posted: 08-15-05 16:02pm
emcsq
wrote:
the other night my boyfriend
& I got into another conflict. He
accused me of caring only about one thing,
which is sex. I told him that it isnt
the most important aspect of a
relationship, although it is extremely
important. He said I need to get over my
insecurities & get over myself.
We are in our mid-twenties and if we have
sex once a week that is an excellent
month! Obviously there is intimacy
issues, with the lack of physical contact
& the obsession with porn; but I do
love this person. I am going to have
his child. (we had sex once in the
month of june & look what happened)
we did engage in intercourse the other
evening....First time since I got
pregnant. It lasted 10 minutes & he
said: 'that should shut you up for while.'
this is going to be a long life, and I
dont want to be one of those girls who
cheats. Sorry to whine & bother;
just keeping you
updated.
i would get out while you still can.
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meo245
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2005 Posts: 8 Location: London
Posted: 08-19-05 06:49am
As a guy - this is all wrong and pretty
pathetic to.
If I could give one bit of advise "guy,
drop that cr@p! Spend some time with your
girl!"
it shows many thngs, mentioned here
- lack of intimacy
- give a vicarious form of control to the
watcher
- girls look good
- fantasy factor
etc
etc
cut-and-dry, its no good for a
relationship, despite the usual excuses
men give for it -- 'just watching for
new-tips for us','harmless fun', or the
best excuse men give for it 'i watch it
becuase I think its funny' - puh-leeeze!
Porn to sex is what junk food is to a
diet... In fact alot worse (come to think
about it)... It's like going to mcdonalds
and just eating the cardboard wrappers.
If you want to save this 'relationship',
find out what the guy really wants. It
may be a fantasy (eg., boss-secretart,
great-outdoor, doctors-nurses etc), to
spice it up - dont overdo it - be grown up
etc. And if and only if you agree - try
it out... Dont feel forced into
something.
Dont give him excuses for it and dont give
yourself excuses either.
Good luck - meo!
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ppmharley
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Aug 2005 Posts: 29 Location: usa
Posted: 08-19-05 10:28am
If you're this unhappy already, it's not
going to get any better. If he has this
kind of attitude, then it will only get
worse.
If he's only giving you 10 mins? Then he
surely doesn't give a crap about what you
want and need, so drop him like a hot rock
and move on. I know you said you're
pregnant, but there's a lot of single
parents. I was one for yrs and you can do
it !! If you have a son, you surely don't
want him handing down his "porn habits"
onto your child, or even treating his
future mate that way either.
Think about what is best for "you and your
child", sexual frustration aside.
Good luck !
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lovely22
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Aug 2005 Posts: 20 Location: washington state
Posted: 08-24-05 17:25pm
Honey if you have to beg a guy for sex
there is really something wrong. It's not
you it's him I have been there before and
yes it sucks. But I found a man 10x
better than what I had before and I never
have to beg for it. Life is too short
find someone who makes you happy in every
way.
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Keehiaangel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2005 Posts: 184
Confussed Posted: 08-24-05 18:57pm
Well I have to say I am confussed about
porn.
I would probably be fine if I wasnt 8
months pregnant. Because I have to tell
my self he has me why does he need
anything eles. I dont know what eles to
say except porn is what ever you make of
it. Good or bad. :?
Can someone plez read mine and help me
understand better because I havent let us
watch it in almost 4wks. :?
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sheepo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Aug 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 08-25-05 20:15pm
Remember...When a guy watches porn, the
girls in his head do anything he wants,
and their up for anything he wants.
|
Keehiaangel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2005 Posts: 184
? Posted: 08-26-05 09:29am
Are you saying that when he watches it or
any man that the person that sometimes
watches it is really just used beacuse of
porn and so they make them do whatever
they want?
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Keehiaangel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2005 Posts: 184
Lied Posted: 08-26-05 09:40am
Ok I was just thinking about something
were I said we havent watched in about 4
wks well that was a lie. I rememberd
about three days ago. He watched
sucduced: love it when you cry. I realize
that it is not all the way porn but to me
close enough. Question on what you
think.
I didn't watch it but he did. Before he
watched it he said that he was tired then
when we went to bed about two hr after he
watched it we were together. But the last
three nights I cant get him to want to be
with me. He says that he is just to tired
since he just started school back. I have
tried everything but still nothing
happens. All I am saying is he slept with
me after watching that but then like I
said the last three days nothing. It
seems taht is always the case. What do
you think? :?
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samy444
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2005 Posts: 72
Posted: 08-26-05 09:43am
I think he means that when a man watch
porn it will build in his mind the believe
that the woman do whatever the man want
(women in porn do this), so he will expect
the same from his girl (which is sometimes
not possible) which then may be causing
problems because he didnt find what he
expected from his girl
it is a good point
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Keehiaangel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2005 Posts: 184
Porn Posted: 08-26-05 09:53am
In your opinion what do you think about my
situation? Do you think we have a
problem?
|
samy444
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2005 Posts: 72
Posted: 08-26-05 10:11am
I am a guy, so I can tell that in a way or
another you can attract you man, first
thing is to know what he likes , what are
his fantasies (he should also do the
same), you can know that from the kind of
porn which he like, try to do things which
you think he likes the most (wearing sexy
nightwear, initiating sex, .....Etc), but
dont over do it, and make him feel that
you really love him (not want sex with
him), appreciate some the moves that he
would do during sex, make him feel that he
is really making you so horny, tell him
that you didnt enjoy sex as much as you
are enjoying it with him, these small
things can change the man completely
believe me you can even make him lose
interest in porn (which is not easy for a
man) and just want sex with you.
After all what I said, what are the steps
you are going to do?
