Hi...I'm 26 years old, in college, 30
weeks pregnant, and the father is not
around. I am considering adoption for
this baby since I feel that I cannot give
it the life that it deserves. I know
that I could do it as a single mother
beccause we all do what we have to do to
make things work and wouldn't be a bad
parent, that's not it. I just grew up in
a poor household and know what it's like
to have parents that never have enough
time to spend with you cause they always
have to work to try to make ends meet and
there's never enough money for the things
you need. That kind of life isn't fair.
I also would have to drop out of school
for a couple semesters at least if not
forever if I kept this baby since I don't
really have anyone to help me with
childcare. Both my parents are deceased
and my siblings live in other states, and
like I said, the father is not involved.
I am so scared and confused. Can anyone
help? Is there anyone that has done this
before? I'm afraid of what it will be
like to deliver the baby and then give it
away.
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mayhi
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2005 Posts: 453 Location: Halifax, NS Canada
I Have Niece Who Was Given Up For Adoption Posted: 08-05-05 20:36pm
Hi there. I personally have not been in
this position myself, however my sister
gave birth and gave her little girl up for
adoption 13 years ago. It was the best
thing that she has ever done in her life.
She gave her the life that she was unable
to give to her. She lives with a loving
family, who actually I have very close
contact with. I go there frequently to
visit. In fact, I was just there today
for the day. This was one of the hardest
things that my sister did in her life and
has not for one day regreted givng her the
life she knew she couldnt give to her. We
thank her for having done that. My sister
recently gave birth to her son, with a
very abusive man. I cannot however say
that she did the right thing, or what
everyone else can see is the right thing,
by giving this little boy up to a family
who can give him what he needs. My
nephew, has a heart defect due to my
sisters alcoholism. She does not work,
nor does her abusive man. A few months
ago, he assaulted her, and she swore that
she would never go back to him, well I
went away for a weekend and when I came
back she had taken her welfare check and
fled with the father and is now on the run
with a sick child. I know that this has
nothing to do with adoption, however, we
all wish she had chosen to give this child
a much better life. She didnt want to do
it on her own, so she figured if I have to
live with a man who beats me, then so be
it. I fear for my nephews life. And I am
always thinking about what could happen to
him, and her as well. However I know that
it is out of my hands because she has
chosen to do this. I know that this is a
very hard decision for a person to make
and I do hope that you do what is best for
you, and your baby. It is not selfish to
want to give your child more than what you
think you can give him/her. I know in
your heart you will do what you know is
best. I wish you luck in whatever you
decide.
My fiancee ( soon to be husband on aug
23rd! ) and I have been trying without
success for over 2 years now and are
concidering adoption ourselves. So for us
I guess someone like you who is willing to
give another couple the gift of a child.
It would surely be something miraculous.
Please weigh all of your options and do
what makes your heart feel the best. Good
luck and the best of wishes in whatever
you decide to do with your precious gift
of life. :-) oxox
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lola0609
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Aug 2005 Posts: 6
Adoption Posted: 08-05-05 21:05pm
Thank you :) I hope that your sister is
alright and more importantly your nephew
is.
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lola0609
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Aug 2005 Posts: 6
Any Other Opinions? Posted: 08-06-05 20:06pm
Does anyone else have any other opinions
about adoption? Has anyone ever been
through this before? I'm just really
scared and confused. The only stories
that I find are about people that go
through with adoption because they either
have a drug or alcohol problem or have
been raped or molested. That is not the
case for me, I just don't think it's fair
to raise a child by myself and make the
child struggle it's whole life because i'm
not in the position to raise it on my own
yet. Especially when I know that there
is a family that would love to have a
child and have rearranged their whole
lives to raise it.
Anybody got any inside info about what it
will be like after I have the baby? What
i'm struggling with is which is worse: to
either keep the baby and be depressed
because I can't take care of it the way I
want to or to be depressed because I gave
it up.
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Pocket Angel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jul 2005 Posts: 241 Location: Thiells, New York
Posted: 08-07-05 07:42am
I have never had been through adoption,
but I was in the position to consider it.
I had gotten pregnant in february but
there is no way I could of raised a baby.
My bank account was in the negatives and
mine and my fiance's pay just barely
supported us. I had an abortion, which I
regret every day. I was afraid of
adoption... I just didn't think I could
emotionally handle giving up a baby I
carried for 9 months. But I made the
wrong choice... My baby doesn't even have
the chance at a good life, because I made
the choice to end it.
If you know you just can't care for this
baby, then adoption is a really good
choice for you. Don't think about how
depressed you will be.. That is
inevitable... You will be depressed at
having to give your baby up. But think
about how happy your baby will be and what
a good life it will have! Think about
all those people who can't conceive and
adoption is their last hope... Think
about how your courage and strength to
make the decision of adoption will effect
other people!
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lola0609
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Aug 2005 Posts: 6
Posted: 08-07-05 09:19am
I always thought the same too- that I
wouldn't be able to emotionally handle
going through adoption after carrying a
child for 9 months. And I have always
been pro-choice. But I had gotten my
period and by the time I found out that I
was pregnant, it was too late to even have
the option of abortion at 24 weeks. I'm
just happy that the baby is ok even though
I didnt' get prenatal care until that
time. My doc says that she/he's healthy.
