Sometimes I Just Wish I Didn't Have a Heart

My bf and I had long term plans - we were supposed to get married in 3 months, we had planned the civil ceremony, the dinner, we had gone to view houses, we had even prepared the guest list. Admittedly I have a terrible temper and he broke up with me about 2 months back. The pain hasn't lessened since. I cry day and night. When i'm awake, I think of him all the time. When i'm sleeping, I dream of him and the sweetness of the relationship. I've now changed but he refuses to give me a 2nd chance. He recently said we can't even be friends cos my texts are driving him crazy. But when we do meet up without our friends, everything's fine. We talk, we joke. I told him recently, "life is short, I just want to say sorry and that I never meant to hurt you." his reply was "huh ya rite" but I saw him wiping tears away. And I know that altho he claims he's totally numb to me now, I still managed to hurt him by glaring at him the other day. He told a friend a month back that he really loves me and just wants me to change my temper. But now, he's ignoring my calls, not replying my texts.. I just can't go on without him. I'm so scared to face the future without him. I thought I had found the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. And in a day, I went from wife-to-be to.. Nothing. I've contemplated suicide so many times... I'm so scared to face the future without him... Please tell me what I should do... I can't take it anymore. He was the perfect guy and I let him go.