My spouse and I fight all the time. We
are currently seeing a counselor but
haven't been for a while since he works
crazy hours.
I need some help with a problem and I hope
someone has some input.
Last week I told him that my mother's 80th
birthday was coming up and my brother and
I wanted to take everyone out to dinner
(there's 9 of us altogether). He said
that was fine. Now today, only one day
before we go to dinner he tells me that we
can't afford to pay for 1/2. He said he
would only pay for himself, me and our 2
kids. His argument is that things are a
bit tight at the moment for us and my
brother is very comfortable finacially and
my husband feels my brother should pay for
most of this...If not all of it.
I don't know what to do. It's
embarrassing to say we can't afford it. I
offered to pay for all of it out of my
paycheck (i earn a very small amount and I
usually use it for clothes and stuff for
myself and the kids) but my husband says
that's not the point. He insists that my
brother shoud have offered to pay for
every one just because he has more money
than we do. My question to him is what
does this have to do with my
brother...Aren't we doing this for my
mother??
Do I tell my brother that we need seperate
checks? How can I say we won't pay
towards my mom's dinner if it's for her
birthday?? My husband said he'd stay
home. How does this help? Now i'd have
to explain his absence.
I feel that we could go the extra few
dollars since an 80th birthday comes only
once in a lifetime. My mother would feel
horrible if my husband didn't show up.
Does anyone have any advice??
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sillypoint
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 11 Location: UK
Posted: 08-16-05 19:12pm
Well, as a bloke, I can see where he's
coming from. Sure it's for your mother
but you can only do as much as you can
afford. And if its both you and your
brother wanting to take her out its fair u
should both pay what you can afford to.
In all honesty I think you should mention
this to your brother and see if he
understands. Tell him things are a bit
tight (if they actually are) and he might
help out. Your brother certaintly
shouldn't pay for everyone, but maybe he
could pay the larger proportion. If not,
then maybe reconsider the actual 'gift'
you are giving her. My mother would be
happy if I just arranged such a dinner and
paid for her, with every1 else paying for
themselves... So there's another option.
It's a bit selfish of all the other guests
to assume that u and your brother will pay
for them, and so I can sympathise with
your husbands reluctance, especially if
money is an issue.
Although I have to say I think your
husband is being immature to say he would
stay at home, and ridiculous to suggest
your brother should pay for it all. He's
in the wrong, he should be more flexible
and understanding, but he's based his
argument on a reasonable-ish point. It's
the kind of thing that would never be an
issue if things were going smoothly in the
marriage, he's being deliberately awkward,
and you're right to feel embarrased about
that.
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nan57
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Aug 2005 Posts: 2 Location: Arizona
Posted: 08-16-05 20:38pm
Thanks for the reply. Funny as it seems,
the night before we went out to dinner we
had a talk. He apologized for his
behavior and said he was wrong and he
responded that way because of his ill
feelings about how my brother did not
offer him a job when he was out of work.
I explained to him that my brother doesn't
know our financial situation and if we
don't ask for help, people may not know we
need it. I know for a fact that if I
asked him for help in any way he would
never question, he would just give.
Dinner worked out fine and I paid for half
of the dinner out of my paycheck. All is
happy.
Thanks again.
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babycat03
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Sep 2005 Posts: 21 Location: michigan
Great Posted: 09-13-05 17:11pm
I just love happy endings.
Take care and hope your fiancial situation
gets better hun.
