Is It Normal?? I Dont Think So!...

Visit a psychologist, he will help you how to deal with your anger

Ya the besst thing to do... Is go to anger management. You obviously need help in controling your anger and cannot control it your self.

Have you thought about taking off in a dead run ( not into the street! ) but down the block, or better thru the yard, every time you feel the anger starting to rise? Is there anything in your life that stresses you out? Parents divorcing? Girlfriend woes? School troubles? The anger could have something to do with the hormones in your body that your mind has not figured out how to handle yet. In other words, try to take the energy that the anger gives you and channel it into something that is not bad, like hitting your sister. Run it off, lift ( and not your siblings ha ha ) it off! Let us know where this takes you

Well actually yes I have a lot of problems , my parents divorced when I was younger then my father died , then we had a huge prob. Between my mom and my dads parents about his wealth and how is it inherited that took me a lot to court and my mom started to change in a lot of ways shes a different person now , I can seem to make her proud at all I mean I try my best but I dont know she's never satisfied and always expect a lot of me since im the eldest of my siblings and the only son . I moved to a new country two years ago and I have a lot of preasure in school , I dont want to bore u with my prblems any longer but I do have a lot of more serious problems I could just go on and on .. But I dont know what to do my mom gets overprotective sometimes (ex: im 17 and she still wont let me drive, ex2: I want to go to college in the us but she wont let me live alone . And more ...) and I have a lot of other preasures also .. And with this temper thing I just cant control it and I get angry easilly and over stupid things (as u know .. I wont repeat it cuz its mentioned on my first post) and when I get mad oh man.. I do things ... I dont even want to say .. So anyways i'd love to have some sort of method of controling that anger like going out and just take a walk but my mom wont even let me go out alone .... So im kinda trapped here and dont know what to do and im willing and determined to change me temper problem but when I get mad I just loose it I dont know why.... Plz some1 help
i want to go to a psychaiatrist but I just cant tell my mom that I need to see one .. I just cant.. And I also cant do it without her knowing , she keeps a very close eye on me , she needs 2 know every single thing I do or say and where I go and what ppl said 2 me... Everything....
Plz help
what do I do?
Thank u very much , really its amazing to have ppl to talk to about this ..
U guyz are gr8

I know pretty much exactly how you feel. I have the same problem, I havent resorted to hitting anyone yet but I do kick hit or punch things( but lol im a girl so very few things get broken). Sorry had to add a lil humor into that. But ive had horrible experinces that have altered who I am. I to get mad at the door thing so I dunno thats not just you at least. Also my moms the same way shes be soooo over portective of me that she wants me to go to the college around the corner. But I cant seem to stand my mom sometimes. I get mad so easily so if anyone knows if there is a spefic term for this issue please let me know to. Also bgivs feel free to talk to me if theres anything I could help you with or if you just need to vent at someone.

Hello bvigs,

good for you for recognizing these feelings and reaching out for help. It takes a lot of maturity to do that at any age; at 17, it’s nearly a miracle!

I wonder if you have an anxiety and/or depressive disorder, and if your anger-management problem is secondary to that. I am a physican, but also suffer from anxiety, which in my teen years, manifested itself primarily as irritability. I now know this to be quite common in teens, but didn’t know it at the time and felt pretty bad about myself for years. Like you, I could feel myself becoming moody and reacting strongly to things I intellectually knew didn’t warrant such feelings: loud noises, noisy kids, other people being "inconsiderate," etc. It felt very much out of my control.

It’s great that you recognize and regret your behaviours; you’re obviously a compassionate person who feels badly for how you’ve treated others. But how about feeling a little compassion for yourself? You are obviously on-edge a lot of the time, and this kind of hyper-vigilance really saps the joy from life.

I agree with the previous posts; seeing a therapist is a must, especially given some of the life stresses you’ve gone through. And exercise is also a great way to blow off steam. I’m also going to take a risk here — I know there will be people who will jump all over me for this, especially as I am an md — but you may want to consider a low-dose anti-depressant. These also function as anti-anxiety medications. I agree they do not replace the importance of therapy and learning the skills to express emotions more positively. What they can do, though, is sometimes invaluable: they can take the "edge" off things, in a way that doesn’t alter your personality or general level of consciousness, as do other drugs or alcohol. I was skeptical at first, but my own doctor recommended I at least try one. Sure enough, I found myself having a lot more patience with others; I was also able to concentrate more in medical school; I could study without being distracted by the sound of a car outside; I didn’t jump when the phone rang, or feel irritated when someone simply laughed too loud. I felt "normal." I could enjoy things more.

Many people will try and discourage you from considering medication. Remember that many of these people don’t know what it is to have a full-blown anxiety disorder. It’s not something that one can simply "run-off," or fix by avoiding caffeine, or relaxing with a good book (though these are great adjuncts). A short course of a low-dose anti-depressant may help you to shift your perspective a bit and feel less "sensitive" to what’s going on around you. In doing so, you may be able to stand up for yourself more!

Some of your irritability is, I suspect, some bottled-up resentment towards your mom; you love her, but naturally want the independence that any 17-year-old craves. It isn’t that she "won’t let you" drive or move away (you’re almost an adult, after all); it’s that you’re worried about displeasing her. Treating your anxiety may help you to not worry so much about hurting your mom’s feelings. And therapy will teach you that we are all responsible for our own feelings —that goes for your mom, too!

See your family doctor to discuss the possibility of therapy and/or medication. At age 17, you need to start establishing independent relationships, including one with your doctor. You don’t need to share everything with your mom and don’t need to justify this. Reassure your mom that you love her - and you may be seeing a doctor and you may be getting a car and you may be thinking about going away to school. And you still love her. This will help your mom to feel safe while she makes the changes she has to make, too.

Hope that helps!

Oh my god , u guyz r .....I cant even find words .... Gr8er than gr8..
Bethygirl , I could easilly relate to u and feel what u feel . Nowing that someone out there , is not just there 4 me , but also understands me , is an amazing feeling , and now I have that,thanx to u...And u could also talk to me whenever u feel stressed out or just wanna get a load off ur chest jsut know that im here 4 u .. Just mail me we could talk on im or smthing ...Oh and ps. Never appologize 4 adding humer .. I think its great and ppl should have a lot of humer in their lives its how I wish I lived..

Sasha66, what can I say , no one ever understood me as much as u do , I mean even I cant describe myself as good as u described me , (its like my mind talkin to me... I know thats stupid but its true).... And I too have a lot of problems concentrating on homework or just studying or reading .. And im just like u in some ways .. And I couls see myself in college having the sae problems in the future , wether its in college or at work or even when I have kids .... And thats a huge problem for me it might even ruin my life .. I really love ppl and love to help them and hate to act the way I act when im irritated......

So anyways . About the medication or treatment , I really want to get them but I dont have access to them , I mean my mom wont accept that. And I cant do anything without her concent , even if I wanted I couldent ,, she gives me the money and she wont give me anything if she didnt accept ... And if I try in some way get treatment behind her back , and she finds out , she wont trust me again ..... And the idea of persuading her into accepting is really great but shes just too hard headed and is impossible to persuade.

I really dont want to be this violent person . I really want to have that chill-out attitude .. But the problem is that I dont have the freedom to decide whats best for me and to decide that I need a doctor or at least any kind of treatment..

U guyz cant even imagine how much I appreciate this ..
U guyzare the best ..
Sasha66 and bethygirl.. I really wish we'd het to know eachother more and to keep in touch and anyone who can relate to me and my problem ..We could all go through this together ..Its better than being alone in such problems.. And u guyz .. I just want u 2 know that im here for u whenever u need me...
Thank u very much ... Wish u the best in life.

Hello again,

what a bright spark you are! Despite your angry episodes, you are very insightful and I suspect you have many friends who love you. Don’t worry too much about your future ability to parent kids or be a good spouse. People who have endured hardship - physical or emotional - often make incredible adults who have much to teach others, including their kids. Going through tough times emotionally causes us to change in ways that are often remarkable.

I very rarely respond to any emails in chat rooms, so I want you to know that your situation really resonated with me. Because of this, I want to share a few things about me, because I think it may help you. Also, i’d like you to know that I struggled with this for years before realizing that things could be different. I don’t want that to happen to you. Here were some outcomes of that for me:

1. My family developed a "story" about me that persists to this day. That I am an unstable, argumentative, volatile, overly-sensitive person. Even though i’ve changed so much, they seem to have trouble seeing me differently.
2. Because I bought into this story about myself, it took me a long time to follow my passions. I ended up working as a writer through my twenties; I published several books, but I still felt like a fraud.
3. It took me even longer to find the confidence in myself to pursue my big dream - becoming a doctor. Because of this, I waited until my thirties to go to medical school. I couldn’t even believe I got in - again, feeling like a big fraud!
4. I had difficulty is establishing a good romantic relationship. When you’re anxious and irritable, you look for what (or who) you think is making you feel this way. This is a mistake. What’s happening is that you feel anxious first and then that bleeds out onto everything around you.
5. I never had children. Just being around kids sent my anxiety sky-rocketing. I doubted my ability to raise kids well; I think deep down I worried I might have a complete breakdown and end up in the psychiatric ward! I don’t regret not-having kids because I have a great life; I just wish I hadn’t made the decision from a place of fear.
4. I didn’t like myself. This was the worst thing of all —maybe one of the worst things in life! It’s dreadful to spend each and every day with someone who’s a pain and an embarrasment, and worse still when that someone is yourself.

I understand your situation with your mom is a challenging one. Not impossible - just challenging. I guess the question is: how serious are you about fixing this? When I find myself responding to suggestions with, "yes, but..." I always ask myself that. And please know that you don’t have to fix this right now. There’s plenty of time. Anxiety is a killer - it makes us feel like everything is a do-or-die emergency. Ok, go get a glass of chocolate milk and let’s put our heads together for some workable ideas:

1. Try practicing some cognitive-behavioural therapy (cbt) on your own. This is the number-one technique therapists use for anxiety. It takes a while to work, but can be utterly life-changing. Step one: recognize when you are catastrophizing. Example: in your last email you start to panic as you imagine your future ruined. Step two: stop! Say, "ok, here is an example of me telling myself something that isn’t true or isn’t likely to be true." don’t judge yourself. Just notice it. Step three: formulate a more realistic thought. For example: "right now, i’m having some trouble with irritability and anxiety. Sometimes I lose my temper. However, i’m working on ways to change that. Everyone has their own private challenges - this is mine. I’m a smart person and I can change. Good for me for doing such tough work! I’m a great person with lots of love to give. Chances are, my life will be quite wonderful!" not only will this make you feel better - it’s actually more accurate.

2. If medication or therapy don’t feel like an option right now, put them on the back-burner. But don’t rule them out for the future. If you are in school, consider talking to a counsellor (i know, we used to make fun of them in my high school) or even a trusted teacher. You do not need consent to see a physician or even to take medications. At 17, you would be considered an adult. Begin thinking of yourself as one.

3. Read a good book on managing anxiety. I have read virtually everything on the subject! Here is my current fave: self-coaching: how to heal anxiety and depression by joseph j. Luciani, available through amazon. Stop worrying about what your mom will think; it’s not like you’re reading porn. Let her know that you don’t want to feel shame or embarrasment in your own home. Tell her that you don’t want to hide things from her because you love her. See suggestion 4 below.

4. Don’t sell your mom short. You don’t have to tell her everything, but you don’t have to keep this a secret, either. If talking to her feels impossible, consider writing a little note. Despite her hard-headedness, i’m sure your mom loves you. If you explain how you are trying to change things for the better, I can’t believe that she wouldn’t accept that. Try a little humour - say, "hey, won’t it be great if I can get some help so that i’m not beating up the family and throwing the dishes around?" you could also ask your mom to go to the doctor with you; doctors are good at diffusing situations and could help your mom to find a way to be more supportive as you seek help.

5. If you go to college soon, you will have a lot more freedom, even if you don’t go away to school. There are doctors and therapists and support groups right on campus. Many medications are given out for free or for very little; if you stay living at home, you can keep them in your locker.

Most of all, be careful how you talk to yourself. Remember cbt! You are not a violent person. You may be a person who sometimes behaves violently, but that describes your behaviour - not who you are. Tell yourself everyday that you are a good, good person. It happens to be true. I can already tell this about you, and if you say it often enough, you’ll eventually believe it, too.

Good luck!

Sasha66 has some good answers for you. She is very insightful and her advice and words are kind and logical. I can't think of anything to add after reading her replies, so I am glad that you are finding an outlet and comfort on this forum and with an intelligent listener. Good job, sasha66. If you aren't a therapist, you could be. Good fortune to you both.

Dear sasha66 I cant even describe how much I appreciate this .....
U dont even know... U've helped me so much.. And I dont think thank u is good enough....... U've been there for me when I didnt have anywhere to turn 2 ..... U made me feel that I could turn to u when my friends didnt (not that they wouldnt if they knew)....

I cant thank u enough for being there for me ..... I mean u rarely find amazing, loving, caring, kind-hearted ppl like u anymore.
I will apply the techniqes u gave me... Btw that was exactly what I turned here for .. It even exeeded my expectations .... I didnt even think that ppl on the net could do what ur doing for me ... U r truely an angel ... And I hope u succeed and I wish u all greatness , happiness, and seccess in life..
And I also hope u find what ur looking for in life..

Even though i've never even met , I feel that ur the only person that i've really connected with.. I mean we have a lot in common..

U always learn a lesson better when u've experienced it first-hand and that have happened with both me and u , but u also gave me a lesson 2 learn that will help me in the future ... So thanks to u , I now could avoid those things that could (and most likely will)happen to me in the future .... Thanks to u , I dont have to go what u've been through ... U freed me when I was trapped in a problem ...U guided me through this dark cave .. U helped me help myself...... ........... So no matter what I do or say, it wont be enogh to ....... How could I ever repay u.... If I could , I would ... But for now I need u to know that u have my eternal gratitude....

P.S. Im sorry if my sentences and words are a little mixed up or vague in anyway... Itsjust that I have a hardtime expressing myself clearly..

Oh yeah ... About u... U shouldnt feel like a fraud cuz now ur following ur heart ... Now ur reaching ur dreams.... Ur a genuine and great person....
And no person that brave , that smart and that strong should think that he/she is a fraud.... Especially a wise and a wonderful person like u....

I know that its not nearly enough but im gonna say it anyways....
Thank u very much.