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MysticalStar

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 24 Aug 2005
Posts: 24

Sex Problem Posted: 08-24-05 01:40am


Hi, I am new here and I am trying to find some help for my problem. I have absolutely no sex drive in fact I get really annoyed when my fiance even touches me cause I know what he's thinking (he has an incredibly high sex drive.)i have not always been this way it has progressively gotten worse over the past year. I used to love sex and I would do it every chance I got, I was actually quite promiscouis. Now it is such a horrible chore to do it and I feel I have to do it at least four times a week to keep my man satisfied. If I go more than two days my fiance will pout and I really hate that! Don't get me wrong I love him to death, it's not him. It wouldn't matter who it was I still hate sex. Come to think of it any type of affection by anyone annoys me, I don't want to be touched. And as far as sex just thinking of having a naked body on me pumping away makes me sick. I don't understand what my problem is since I used to love it. I was especially good at blowjobs but now it disgusts me even just touching it turns me off. Sometimes I get really angry when I have to do it and feel like hurting him. The really crazy part is that I do have an orgasm 80% of the time but in order to do so I will fantasize about something (kind of embarrasing) that has nothing to do with sex. What is wrong with me?? I do truly love him or I wouldn't be doing it at all. By the way I am completely heterosexual.

jenjsmith

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 24 Aug 2005
Posts: 26

Posted: 08-24-05 01:52am


I would talk to a therapist. Sounds like maybe a mental aversion, or a possible prob in the making

ru_627

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 25 Aug 2005
Posts: 3
Location: US

Posted: 08-25-05 12:02pm


I have the same problem w/my husband. I have sense we got married 7 years ago. I found that it comes and goes. Recently though, i've gotten a little bitter about it cuz he wants it constantly and I feel like it is my duty to give it to hime whenever he does. I don't know what to do about it either. At this point, I feel kind of used because if I don't give it to him whenever he wants it, then I feel like he might find releif in other ways, which just drives me nuts. I've thought that my not wanting sex may be because of my weight. I don't feel sexy at all, therefor am never in the mood???? I don't know if that's your situation. But I can tell you for sure that it does come and go. How long have you been dealing w/this? Maybe if you just hang in there a few more months you'll go through the change I did.

lovely22

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 24 Aug 2005
Posts: 20
Location: washington state

Posted: 08-25-05 12:20pm


Sometimes I feel the same way. I usually ake commints like. God olin is that the only thing you married me for so you would have a constant peace of ass at home. It annoys me. But I don't enjoy it as much as I use too because I am in a lot of pain when my hubby and I have sex. He doesn't seem to understand that. But I can relate to you on how you feel from time to time.

x0x011

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 294
Location: ,

Thanks: 1

Thanked:0

Posted: 08-25-05 22:04pm


Communication is the main key for your situations. You need to establish good communication with your man, so that he can understand how you are feeling. If you're man truely loves you, he will sure as hell listen to you. Lovely22 - I know sometimes it's too much to have sex all the time, and everyone can get sick of it once and a while. But making little comments like that to your husband is the worst thing you can do. Ofcourse it's not the only reason he married you. If he wanted constant ass he would go out and find it. If you put him down and make him feel like all he wants is ass, he just might go out and get it. Have you told him that you are in pain when you have sex? And do you know what is causing the pain you are having? If I were you I would tell your husband exactly what hurts and what doesnt, and get yourself to a doctor. If it hurts to have sex there could be something wrong with you. Maybe you just dont produce enough lubrication, because of lack of foreplay. Tell your man what pleases you, and i'm sure if he has a big sex drive, he'll get right to it. Ru_627 - sex shouldn't seem like a chore. It should be pleasurable and intimate experience for you both, everytime it happens. It is never your duty to please him when you don't feel like it, because then you get the bitter feelings like you have. Always remember your hubby does have his own hands, and if he is overly horny, he can always take care of himself. If he truely loves you, he won't cheat on you, and you should trust him. This is the man you are married to afterall. And for you, everyone has their ups and downs, good days and bad. Everyone is self concious about some things on their body. Try taking a day to yourself, to get your hair done, go to the spa or whatever, and even go do some lingerie shopping, and find something you really feel sexy in. Go home and surprise your hubby. Sometimes if you are the one to initiate sex, your man will feel very flattered, and eager to please you as well especially when he see's how hot you look, "just for him". It will be full filling for you both. Mysticalstar - i'm more worried about you. Feeling turned off by sex, especially when you were so into it before could be caused by an underlying problem - either personally, or in the relationship. As I said before, sex should never be a chore. If you dont want to do it as much as your fiance, tell him to please himself once in a while. Don't seem mean about it. The fact that you do it more than you'd like, makes it seem like a chore. It get's boring because it is the same old routine sex. This has obviously gone on for so long that it has turned you away from sex all together. And in the worst situation it may have turned you away sexually from him. He needs to know that you don't want it all the time. If he isn't mature enough to respect your feelings now, then you shouldnt be marrying him. The fact that you don't want to do it so badly, that you feel like hurting him really worries me. This shows that it has driven you to the point that you are angry. Your comment about having a naked body on you pumping away makes you sick means you are seeing sex in completely the wrong way. It's making you feel that your fiance is just on top of you, and getting pleasure from you and nothing else, and it is sickening to you. It should be completely the opposite, that you two are making love to eachother, and are both getting pleasure out of feeling eachother's bodies and so on. My advice to you would be to talk to him about it as soon as you can. Make it clear to him that you love him very much, but the sex is just getting to be too much. Tell him that you do it so often, that the intimacy feels like it is fading. You should put sex off for a while, or just reduce the amount of times you do it. Try doing it only twice or even once a week, instead of every 2 days. Everytime you have sex with him, don't think of it as sex and pleasure. Fantasize about him and of how much you love him and everything about him that turns you on. Make nights where he is just going to spend all his time pleasing you, and taking care of your needs first. Make sure he makes you feel like he truely does love you, and that you aren't some piece of meat. If taking time off from having sex so often, and spicing things up abit to meet your needs doesnt help, then he could just be the wrong person for you regardless of how you feel about him. This would be the worst situation, realizing that you arent really inlove with someone. If things don't get better you could always see a doctor and a therapist as well. Your hormones could be affecting your sex drive. It could even be your lifestyle right now. Maybe you are experiencing a lot of stress. Either way seek help before doing anything drastic to the relationship if you and your man cant seem to fix the situation.

Happiness03

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 23 Jul 2005
Posts: 333

Posted: 08-28-05 19:50pm


I can totally relate! My fiance seems to always want it, where I am just simply not in the mood! I love him dearly, as he is my high school sweetheart! I do have a stressful job, and most of the time, I am bitter toward sex. I am on the pill, and I am going to talk to my gyno about switching brands to see if this is maybe the cause. I am desperate to find help! When I am in the mood, I enjoy sex, but I like it to end soon... I never used to be like this either! I know that my fiance probably thinks it is him, but it is totally me. We are both frustrated! I am currently on ortho tri-cyclen, so hopefully there is a better brand out there that is "sex-drive friendly" :lol:

JasenG

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 17 May 2005
Posts: 99
Location: Virginia

Many Issues Posted: 08-29-05 09:12am


There are many potential issues here. The first, is the routine. In any long relationship, sex can become routine. This leads to a lack of desire. Try changing the time of day, location, actions, positions, or even add a little mood music. The second could be an emotional issue. Lack of trust, self esteem, attraction etc. Can all add to a personal feeling on un-sexiness. Try reassurance or talking with your partner to address the issue. The third potential is a chemcial imbalence. If nothing else works, see your physician and have a few chemical and blood tests run. Lack of sex drive can be an indicator for other more serious problems. I hope this helped.

ross1979

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 29 Aug 2005
Posts: 7

Same Problem Posted: 08-29-05 16:33pm


Well I feel the same way because my boyfriend doesnt like to have sex all the time but I have a high sex drive he should he is only 31 but when we met he love to have sex now I might only get once a week or none at all and I feel that he is cheatting on me or he is bored what should I do

WantsFacts1

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 6
Location: Tucson,AZ

Medication???? Posted: 09-07-05 00:20am


You seem depressed and really upset about this. It seems there may be other pronblems than just this sex problem between you and your boyfriend but you haven't figured out what it is yet. Do you feel stuck? Also, if you are taking practically any kind of antidepressant your sex drive will likely decrease. You can still have orgasms it just takes a little longer. Check with your doctor to see if he thinks you may have some sort of depression and also ask about any medications you are on and also about any medications he may ask you to take

MysticalStar

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 24 Aug 2005
Posts: 24

Posted: 09-07-05 12:11pm


Thanks sooo much for all the advice! Sorry it took so long to reply. I do have manic depression but have had it since I was a small child. I was actually diagnosed at thirteen years of age and have been on every medication out there. I am currently not taking meds cause the side effects of the meds were worse than dealing with my illness. My sex drive depends on my mood but the last few months, even though I have been in moods where I should want sex, I just cringe at the thought of it. From reading all your posts I think maybe it's because I feel bitter. He has such a high sex drive and I feel obligated to give it to him which is making me incredibly resentful. If I turn him down more than two or three times he will start saying how I used to have such a high sex drive and I feel like he is indirectly telling me I don't love him as much and maybe i'm cheating. So I force myself to do it anyway so he doesn't feel bad. So I do feel like his feelings come before mine. I can't even handle his compliments cause I feel that he is thinking about sex again. I know he loves me by his actions in other areas and I truly love him too but not being in the mood and feeling forced to do it makes me feel disgusted.

ross1979

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 29 Aug 2005
Posts: 7

Maybe Posted: 09-07-05 19:34pm


Well I am take med's right now for depession but the dont stop my high sex drive....And I been taking them for a long time....Well one night are friends were over and are friend ask if I was track of not asking him if I was drop good looking she just ask him if he was tracked to me he didnt arswer her right way that really hurt my feels......Well to try to heat love life we are swinger if u guys know what that is.....I thought it would make it better he been a swinger for six years...I just start in the lifestyle it been 8 months because and aug 14 it is a year for me him....Just to say I have sex buddy on the side...Because when I am horny just call him but my boyfriend knows about it but then after this thing happen with this other guy me and my boyfriend have sex with each other.....What should I do or gave me some advice please......... :(

WantsFacts1

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 6
Location: Tucson,AZ

Posted: 09-08-05 00:53am


Here's a funny little email somone sent me. I kind of think it applies to your feelings. All women don't want sex from time to time. But if it continues for a long time, you may want to examine if you are in this relationship because it would be more trouble than it is worth to get out of it. I don't recommend lingere or anything like that to "spice things up" you dont want sex and are disgusted by it. That is the problem. That is what you need to look at. Good luck and love to you. Here is the email... A very interesting study a study conducted by ucla's department of psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire. Further studies are expected.

ross1979

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 29 Aug 2005
Posts: 7

Hope Posted: 09-08-05 10:48am


Well just to say I am happy with him just....That is only thing that I have with him just dont understand when we met we had sex every weekend but know we might just have it only once week or none at all but....Well thanks for advice if dont get better I will be hitting the road here soon

Sex Problem