Eating Disorders Forum - Gaining Weight After Anorexia

Hi, I just turned 16 yesterday and over the past year i've been struggling with an eating disorder. A year ago my 2 best friends ditched me just simply because they hated me, and since then my life got worse and worse. But in about january a family member introduced me to pot to help me with insomnia and just to help me chill. Also, pot helped me eat more (in fact, I over-ate sometimes). A few months ago things got better, I met some cool people and i've been a lot happier.

But now, i'm back to looking in the mirror and seeing only fat. Before, when I wieghed less I was pretty satisfied when I looked in the mirror but now i'm horrified. I hate getting dressed, I hate going out, I hate thinking about food and more than anything I want to lose the wieght I gained. I only gained 6 pounds but that's almost 10! And all the clothes I bought when I was smaller don't fit like they used to and I look hideous in everything. I told my mom I need to buy new clothes because I gained weight but she flipped! She was like "how can you say you gained weight?? You gained 6 pounds! That's nothing!" but she doesn't understand that it's not nothing to me!

And some of these new people that I met are always talking about how they want to do coke or speed to lose wieght and how they try not to eat and stuff and it's driving me crazy! I really really want to have friends because I went through the worst year of my life and was so lonely I thought about killing myself everyday, but it's really really not good for me to be around people like this.

Since I hit peuberty all I could think about when I look in the mirror was how fat I was. I hate looking at pictures of myself, except for the ones taken about half a year ago. Now my ribs don't show on my back, my arms are fat and manly, I can't wear jeans because I feel too much like my sides are spilling out of them and my face is round again. All I want is to lose the weight I gained. I don't really want to do that, I really want to be healthy, but i'm too fat to be healthy! I know that makes no sense but honestly, I feel like i'd rather be skinny and have a cold than feel like this.

Uuuuummm I was just wondering if anyone who might have gone through this has any advice for me, cause I have a councellor but for some reason it's like she avoids the subject of the eating disorder...I could just really use some advice.