Hello everyone!
I am having a really hard time right now.
I am 23 and am recently engaged to a 32
year old man. We have been so happy for 1
1/2 years, but I moved right from an
abusive relationship to moving in with
this guy within 3 weeks. Everything is
moving really fast, but for the better,
until about a week ago. We went to a
party and I ended up messing around with a
friend of ours, but didnt sleep with him.
I have never thought about cheating until
that night, and I feel like we have been
sending each other subconcious signals for
a while now. My fiance is ready to buy a
house and settle down, and I thought I was
too, until this. I used to be this free
spirited, fun loving, sponteneous person
before I met my fiance, and after this
happened, I feel like I miss that. I
thought meeting him really helped me grow
up, but know I dont even feel my age. Now
I just keep getting these scary thoughts,
like the fact that by the time I want to
have kids (35), he will already be too
old! Is this really a feeling that I
should really think about, or is this just
an emotion that has been brought on by
something physical? I cant tell if that
is what I really want, or if it is just a
phase. Either way, I still have feelings
for this other guy, and am not sure how he
feels about the situation, and I really
dont know if I should try to contact him
or just let it be. Please help! My whole
world us upside-down!
Thank you in advance for any reply
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KellyR
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Aug 2005 Posts: 90
Posted: 08-27-05 01:21am
Your situation is complicated and I
understand you. Unfortunately there is no
standard answer...It's all up to you. To
be honest I believe you are very young and
you became very close to this 32 man
because you were coming from an abusive
relationship...Maybe you didn't even fall
in love with him-maybe you were grateful
he treated you nice...And being treated
nice is very good, but there have to be
feelings involved as well...
Anyway, true or not, if this man has
treated you good, you need to be honest
with him...Lying and hiding from him will
do no good to your relationship. He
deserves to know the truth, wouldn't you
agree? Being 32 means he is most likely
to have a little experience of his own, so
maybe he will understand...Even if he
doesn't, if he loves you and respects you
he needs to respect you feelings... You
need a little space and time to figure out
what you want and he will wait for you to
do that if he loves you.
Personally, I think you are not ready to
settle down...If you would have messed
around with this other guy, let's say, and
feel nothing more that pleasure for the
moment it would have been something to get
over....But if you say you have feelings
for him, then it is something to look
into...Especially that you don't feel your
age anymore and feel you are missing
something in your life.
Good luck!
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lindsaylou
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Aug 2005 Posts: 3
Thanks Posted: 08-29-05 07:52am
I think that you read my mind, I just am
not sure I was able to say it myself. I
am still really scared about following
through because I might be making the
wrong decision, but he is very mature and
will understand my feelings. It's now
just a matter of me going with my gut
feeling. Thanks so much for listening, it
really means a lot to me that you took the
time to help a complete stranger. It's
not every day that you find someone to do
something like that.
Sincerely,
lindsay
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KellyR
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Aug 2005 Posts: 90
Posted: 08-29-05 08:15am
I'm glad I could be of help. Maybe you'll
let me know in a while how everything
went.
