Depression Forum - Diagnose This Mind If You Can.....


Diagnose This Mind If You Can.....

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Tracey

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 16 Aug 2005
Posts: 20

Diagnose This Mind If You Can..... Posted: 08-27-05 18:36pm


Hi, for 6 years I cared for my very special little angel son, who was born with major brain problems. Everything that could have gone wrong , went wrong. I set up a icu at home, and kept my bed ridden precious son with me, tube feeding him, suctioning him every 10 minutes so he would not choke to death. He was on oxygen, with a tank in the room. He had strange seizures, and thorugh all this time which petrified me, I was strong and looked after my little son until he passed away in my arms wehn he was 6 years 11 months old. He could not move and never cried, we communicated with our eyes. While my son was dying, my ex was messing around with every girl he could find. 4 months after my son died, I divorced his evil father, who used to beat up our other 2 children, both girls in their teens. From being a houswife for 22 years, I was literally thrown into the world to look after myself, no money, no experice adn half my family were gone. My eldest daughter ran away from home, because she thought her dad was coming back. These past 5 years I have withdrawn from society, keeping pretty much to myself, with internet or tv for past times. I go to the shops to buy food andrush home again. I love being home. I even wor from home. I feel like I don't fit into this world. I often wonder what is man put on earth for, it's like animals running around after each other for sex, or rushing to work to make money to run to the shop, spend it all on food, come home eat, then start it all over the next day. It jus not make sense to me. I have hit depression, lost interest in everything because things do not interest me, things are ridiculous. It's like I landed on the wrong planet or the wrong country, because I do n ot believe in their beliefs, morals, or anything else. Is this a sickness I have or am I just living true ato my strong moral beliefs. When I go in a crowd, I get very aggressive or I totally back off and walk away. I have been hurt badly from when I was a little child and no one gave a damn about me. What category would I fall under. I am basically a person who keeps to themself, I hate crowds and do not trust people at all.....I trust no one.....They all hurt you in the end. I am fighting for survival and offered opportunities to have life easy if I find a partner to share life with, buat then I remember 22 years of hell and torture I went through, why would I do that again..... I have a paroblem or some personality disorder, which on??? Post traumatic stress, boarderline personality, schitzo, ?

sad_eyes

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 19 Aug 2005
Posts: 96

Posted: 08-27-05 20:53pm


Hi, i am very sorry to hear of the problems, particularly the loss of your child - this must have been a very traumatic experience for you. You do appear to be very depressed. When I suffer from severe depression I isolate myself alot and I hate being around others, things get to me alot more. Are you receiving professional help for your depression at the moment - such as therapy or anti-depressant medication? Have you got any friends who you can talk to about your problems? If not I suggest that you keep posting on forums. Do you have any poor coping strategies for coping with your depression - such as poor eating habits, or addictions? - if you do it might help for you to talk about these problems in order for you to find alternatives. Feel free to message me anytime you feel the need to talk. Take good care of yourself.

Tracey

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 16 Aug 2005
Posts: 20

Posted: 08-28-05 18:49pm


Posted: 08-27-05 8:53pm ------------------------------------------ -------------------------------------- hi, i am very sorry to hear of the problems, particularly the loss of your child - this must have been a very traumatic experience for you. Hi, thank you for letting me know there are still some beautiful people in this world, who care about others....I had given up. :( because of the trauma I went through, physical abuse from my ex, plus caring for my dying son, when my son died and I divorced my ex 4 months later, he was staying with a girlfriend. I blocked everything out of my mind and threw myself into my work. This went on for 5 years. 2 weeks ago was death anniversary and everything is hitting me now only. I have frirnds I call on the phone, buat they are trying to encourage me to move overseas to another country to a man who wants me to stay with him, they said I need someone to take care of me as I am not getting any younger and have no medical insurance or pension plan. I am stubborn and trying to do it all alone.I am scared to move to a whole different country adn different culture, although I do love his culture so much adn feel very easy there. I do have very poor coping strategies, I eat terrible, basically to stay alive, that's it. I am not happy, sad and broken inside. I was always a fun loving easy come easy go person, who loved life and loved people. I was always laughing and helping others, until my ex broke my spirit and the death of my son broke my heart. Thak you for making contact with me here, it means a lot. I jsut need guidance and I am sure I will be ok....I think I need to speak to a phychiastrist, but they charge for one session, what I make in a whole month.

sad_eyes

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 19 Aug 2005
Posts: 96

Posted: 08-29-05 09:50am


Hi, i think that it can be difficult moving to a strange place and starting a whole new life - i may possibly emigrate also in a few years and the thought is kind of scary sometimes. Have you lived in the same country or town even for the whole of your life? Have you considered all the pros and cons of moving away? What do your family think about you moving? I am stuborn also and like to do things by myself without the help of others if I can. I think it's good to be achieve things by myself because it improves my self esteem. I also don't like relying on people too much because I think that they can be gone like a click of a finger and then I will be completely lost without them. You may not realise at the moment, but I think that many possitve things may have came out of the things in your life which you consider to be negative. I'm sure everything you have been through as made you a stronger person than what you were when you were younger. You could maybe think about making some small changes in you life - (i know even making small changes can be difficult when you are feeling low, but it's the only way to move forward). Could you maybe start by something simple like taking vitamin supplements and going for a 10 min walk each day - I might help. Also check you personal messages. Take good care.

ProZackMI

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 26 Aug 2005
Posts: 64

Re: Diagnose This Mind If You Can.....
Posted: 08-29-05 14:57pm

tracey wrote:

hi,

for 6 years I cared for my very special little angel son, who was born with major brain problems. Everything that could have gone wrong , went wrong. I set up a icu at home, and kept my bed ridden precious son with me, tube feeding him, suctioning him every 10 minutes so he would not choke to death. He was on oxygen, with a tank in the room. He had strange seizures, and thorugh all this time which petrified me, I was strong and looked after my little son until he passed away in my arms wehn he was 6 years 11 months old. He could not move and never cried, we communicated with our eyes. While my son was dying, my ex was messing around with every girl he could find. 4 months after my son died, I divorced his evil father, who used to beat up our other 2 children, both girls in their teens. From being a houswife for 22 years, I was literally thrown into the world to look after myself, no money, no experice adn half my family were gone. My eldest daughter ran away from home, because she thought her dad was coming back. These past 5 years I have withdrawn from society, keeping pretty much to myself, with internet or tv for past times. I go to the shops to buy food andrush home again. I love being home. I even wor from home. I feel like I don't fit into this world. I often wonder what is man put on earth for, it's like animals running around after each other for sex, or rushing to work to make money to run to the shop, spend it all on food, come home eat, then start it all over the next day. It jus not make sense to me. I have hit depression, lost interest in everything because things do not interest me, things are ridiculous. It's like I landed on the wrong planet or the wrong country, because I do n ot believe in their beliefs, morals, or anything else. Is this a sickness I have or am I just living true ato my strong moral beliefs. When I go in a crowd, I get very aggressive or I totally back off and walk away. I have been hurt badly from when I was a little child and no one gave a damn about me. What category would I fall under. I am basically a person who keeps to themself, I hate crowds and do not trust people at all.....I trust no one.....They all hurt you in the end. I am fighting for survival and offered opportunities to have life easy if I find a partner to share life with, buat then I remember 22 years of hell and torture I went through, why would I do that again..... I have a paroblem or some personality disorder, which on??? Post traumatic stress, boarderline personality, schitzo, ?

tracy, you have major depressive disorder with some generalized anxiety. I would recommend looking into a local community mental health program and getting on medication and undergoing counseling. I would also recommend taking control of your life, setting the past aside, and moving on. Go back to school, get a degree, get a job, and take care of yourself. What was in the past is in the past. You have your future ahead of you.

The sad part is, you only have yourself to rely on, so you might as well put forth a good effort.

Best of luck,
zack

Lin37

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 1

I Feel the Same Way Too Posted: 02-13-07 00:05am


I can relate to all you say. My life and outlook is very similuar. I think we are just realists and see things the way they truly are.

littlesqueaks

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 06 May 2006
Posts: 296
Location: Caldwell, Idaho

Posted: 02-13-07 00:15am


You have expierenced several tragic events in your life. Alot of times when someone has tragic events happen its hard for them to just let them go and move on. It sometimes feels like what is going to happen next you don't want to be a part of anything that can turn bad. It will be difficult to let go of the past but you should seek help so that you may face the world again. Take baby steps little bit at a time get yourself out there and try to live again for yourself and for the good things that do happen.