Hi,
for 6 years I cared for my very special
little angel son, who was born with major
brain problems. Everything that could
have gone wrong , went wrong. I set up a
icu at home, and kept my bed ridden
precious son with me, tube feeding him,
suctioning him every 10 minutes so he
would not choke to death. He was on
oxygen, with a tank in the room. He had
strange seizures, and thorugh all this
time which petrified me, I was strong and
looked after my little son until he passed
away in my arms wehn he was 6 years 11
months old. He could not move and never
cried, we communicated with our eyes.
While my son was dying, my ex was messing
around with every girl he could find. 4
months after my son died, I divorced his
evil father, who used to beat up our other
2 children, both girls in their teens.
From being a houswife for 22 years, I was
literally thrown into the world to look
after myself, no money, no experice adn
half my family were gone. My eldest
daughter ran away from home, because she
thought her dad was coming back. These
past 5 years I have withdrawn from
society, keeping pretty much to myself,
with internet or tv for past times. I go
to the shops to buy food andrush home
again. I love being home. I even wor
from home. I feel like I don't fit into
this world. I often wonder what is man
put on earth for, it's like animals
running around after each other for sex,
or rushing to work to make money to run to
the shop, spend it all on food, come home
eat, then start it all over the next day.
It jus not make sense to me. I have hit
depression, lost interest in everything
because things do not interest me, things
are ridiculous. It's like I landed on the
wrong planet or the wrong country, because
I do n ot believe in their beliefs,
morals, or anything else. Is this a
sickness I have or am I just living true
ato my strong moral beliefs. When I go in
a crowd, I get very aggressive or I
totally back off and walk away. I have
been hurt badly from when I was a little
child and no one gave a damn about me.
What category would I fall under. I am
basically a person who keeps to themself,
I hate crowds and do not trust people at
all.....I trust no one.....They all hurt
you in the end. I am fighting for
survival and offered opportunities to have
life easy if I find a partner to share
life with, buat then I remember 22 years
of hell and torture I went through, why
would I do that again..... I have a
paroblem or some personality disorder,
which on??? Post traumatic stress,
boarderline personality, schitzo, ?
