Pregnancy Forum - Why Do Bad Things Happen When You Are Doing the Right Thing?

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Q: Why Do Bad Things Happen When You Are Doing the Right Thing?

asked by: Confusedmomof2 on September 6th, 2005

New User

On june 12th, 2005 I went through a rape with a man that I had never met before in my life... One day later that man and another man were found outside of my house in the bushes where they were then arrested. They had guns on them and were trying to shut me up I guess cause the guy that did this to me told me alittle too much about himself and I guess they got scared. Everything has been sooo hard to deal with. All this happened in my home that I just purchased and my two little girls ages 4 years and 1 year were asleep just in the other rooms. After dealing with the brutal rape and beating that I received from this man, I kinda went into a denial phase that I guess in a way allowed me to deal with what was happening and allowed me to get through the day. But on
july 2nd after cramping and bleeding I went to the hospital were one thing lead to another and they ended up doing a ultra sound and found out that I was pregnant with twins. From conception I was only 3 weeks along but with my added period put me at 5 weeks. I have gone through soo many emotions with all of this. First I wanted to have an abortion (which is something that I have never even supported). It's amazing when you are in a situation like this-it really test your beliefs to the core. It was a struggle but in the end of july I decided after a lot of studying up on the subject that I was absolutely not going to abort these babies. And I decided to keep them and raise them. This has all been soo emotional for me and seemingly overwhelming at times seeing how I am already a single mother of two girls and I will only be 23 years old at the end of this month. I have finally come to terms that I am having these babies and have starting looking at them as part of me and was getting exciting about having them. But that all changed this friday night on the 2nd of september I starting having contractions. When I went to the hospital they did an ultrasound when they couldn't find the heart beats and discovered that my placenta had detached from the uterus. They said that I could either wait to let my body go through it naturally and at home or I could have a d&c and do it that way. I was told that naturally could take weeks possibly even a month. I can't handle carrying around my babies knowing that they aren't even alive anymore for that long so I decided to go with the d&c. But all night friday night I had severe contractions and went into the hospital on saturday for my scheduled d&c, but instead when I got there I was already a 7 and my water broke. So I had to deliver them naturally. This has been the worst thing that I have ever had to go through. To go through the pains and natural process just like with my other two children knowing that the outcome is that I will be leaving with my babies inside of me and no babies to take home. It really makes the loss all that more real. I am recently saved but now doubting everything... I'm sooo confused... I did the right thing... There are millions of people out there that would have had an abortion. But I didn't... I went through 14 weeks of hell... Physcially, emotionally, mentally... It was draining. But just when I allow myself to love them and want them to be a part of my life... They are wripped away from me... And just when you think that nothing else can go bad, it always does. I have done nothing but cry for the last two days and I am having a hard time figuring out where to focus my frustration...Should I be mad at god for not interveining and stopping the situation... Or me .... Maybe I did something wrong... Or who? I just don't know. Heeeelllpppp!!! For my two girls sake I need to pull through this... And get back to myself and the only way that I know how to do that is to put myself back into that denial stage in my life and just deal with it by not dealing with it... Is that sooo bad? :?:

Replies(8)

teach486

replied on September 6th, 2005

Experienced User

I have never been through a situation like this, not even a rape. Just try to hang in there and do the best you can. Try focusing on the two little ones you already have instead of the two that you lost. My reasoning for this is that the two little ones you already had are still there and need you. The two little ones lost are just that. Lost. Please don't allow yourself to become lost with them.

He works in mysterious ways. We don't always understand why things happen the way they do. I have been through a lot of crap in my life. It has made me a much stronger person. I never understood at the time, as these things were happening, why they were happening to me. It wasn't until years passed that I realized how everything turned out was for the better. Evidentally something was wrong with the pegnancy. It wasn't anything you did, or didn't, do. It just is.

If you continue to struggle with this you may want to seek some professional help. If you keep all this inside you and don't deal with it, like you have suggested, it will come back to bite you in the butt later on in life when you least expect it.

fatfamily02

replied on September 6th, 2005

Extremely eHealthy

Wasnt it abraham and issac that god asked for him to sacrifice after he had waited so long for him?? He put him on the sacrificial alter and told him to give him back to him(to slay him), when abraham decided to say yes, god said no, I just needed to know if you are willing.

That is the story come to mind with you. He asked you, hon are you willing, then when you finally decide you are willing he said no, I just wanted to know if you would do that for me, for a witness to my grace and to my love.

Sometimes we just dont know what god is up to but always trusting that he knows what is best for us--no matter what. To stay willing to do everything he asks, to the best of our ability. No one does everything!!!

I am sorry this has hurt you--but it too will pass.

God bless you and your 2 little girls--hope the guy gets what he's got coming--this might help to ease your pain--i dont know. Never been thru that be4

love you in christ

joanna

beccaliz

replied on September 6th, 2005

Experienced User

Teach

I somewhat disagree with teach. Definately look to your sweet little girls, but also remember your babies. Name them. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, it know it's not as bad as at 14 weeks but still. And I had not other children. I focused on the baby. I really suggest going to a psychologist. They may put you on anti anxiet or anti depressants. These will not cure your feelings, just make them more managable. I have also been raped, it was by someone I knew, but I only knew him for a little while. I am also christian, god is crying for you over this. There is no way we can know how he works, but please believe me when I say he is infuriated that someone has brutalized one of his beautiful daughters. I believe that the most likely time for a christian to be harmed is when he or she is first beginning to get to know god. When I had my miscarriage I cussed out god. I said things like "no wonder jesus came as a man, he couldn't have cut it as a woman" but god knew I was saying that, even if I hadn't intended him to hear it. Yell at him, scream at him. Don't hold anything back because he knows everything. He will take it all and then some and then he can scoop you up and hold you while you cry. God is like that. I'll pray for you.

buttercup_501

replied on September 6th, 2005

Experienced User

I dont know what to tell you. You are a good and wonderful person. I believe there is a reason for everything. You might not know why but you will find out after time. My mother-in-law lost two babies to birth defects. She believes that her two babies died, so her two boys could live. There family has a high risk for birth defects. She is very thankful for her boys and thank god every day that they were born health babies. The two she lost where born before my husband but they are his brothers (even though he did not know them). They are a deeper respect for life and there mother.

Confusedmomof2

replied on September 6th, 2005

New User

Thank-you All For the Replys....

Thanks for all the replys. I was surprized to see how fast you all responded to my post. I feel like I am doing all this alone. So it's nice to feel like I have some kind of support out there. I am just feeling sooo drained lately. Even though the twins (boys) were small my body is still feeling the effects of the labor and I am still feeling the effects emotionally. For the last two nights I have had anxiety attacks where I am okay (okay as I can be) through the day when I am with my kids, but it's at night when everything gets quiet that all the grief happens. And when I try to sleep it seems like my mind is racing about a thousand miles a hour and I toss and turn and cry and eventually I have to get up and find something to do. I have gone through a lot in my life-time, even before this. But I have always been able to get past it- usually by way of denial but this time is different. I am actually feeling the loss and crying and it's horrible. I just want it all to go away. I don't want to deal with any of it at all. It's taking it's toll on me but hopefully in time it will get easier, cause as of now I can't eat or sleep going on three days now. Well thanks for all your support- it's nice to know that there are still good people in the world that do care about people. Sincerly; amanda

tracie

replied on September 6th, 2005

New User

After reading your story I find myself feeling so amazed. You are an amazing and strong woman to have gone through all that and be reaching out instead of crawling into a hole. I really think you need to vent and get angry and go through all those emotions. I have never been raped nor have I had a miscarriage, but my mother has been through both. I know just from talking to her that you go through so many emotions. The one thing you need to not do is blame yourself. You did nothing wrong, nothing. That pig who doesn't even deserve to be called a man is the only one in the wrong here. You didn't do anything wrong to miscarry those babies, god isn't punishing you. Things happen, we may not know why at the time, but same day we will. I think not only for your kids sake, but for your own sake you need to get some help. You have got to take care of yourself and try to get to a "good place" for yourself so that you can be a good mom. Talk to someone. Find that friend who will be there for you, to listen to you, to hug you when you need a hug and to stay strong when you need to vent. Whatever you do, don't hold all those feeling inside of you or one day you will explode and come apart.

angel6932

replied on September 6th, 2005

Active User, very eHealthy

I am so amazed at your story. I was raped when I was 16 by a guy I did know. Like you I found myself pregnant and I wasnt sure what to do either bc I come from a family that dosnt beleive in sex bf marriage and if something like that happend you would have been kicked out. Well I decided to go through it to. I found myself loving this baby but I had knowone to tell what had happend to me. A month later I started having really bad stomich pains and heavy bleeding and lost my baby. I was so mad at god for allowing such a thing to happen to a child bc this wasnt my first time being raped I was raped when I was 5 also.
I love god more than I ever thought I could. I realized last yr that god allowed that to happen to make me a stronger woman and christian yes I was mad but I knew there was a reason behind it all.

Now I am 20yrs old and married. I am also fixing to have a baby. I know now that the reason everything happend was bc of just that I was a child and I couldnt have handdled that. I am so blessed to have this second chance with a new life.

I pray that god will open the eyes of your heart and let you understand why this all is happing. I will pray for you and with time you will understand that god never puts more on us than we can handdle.
God blees you and your strengh

Confusedmomof2

replied on September 7th, 2005

New User

I Don't Feel Strong...

Thanks to you all that viewed and replied to my post. Some of you said that you think that I am sooo strong and admire me for not hiding. Well thanks for that, you are sweet but I don't feel strong. I feel like I am at rock bottom. I have never been where I am and it's not a hopeful place to be in. I know people say that if you are at rock bottom than the only way to go is up... And I suppose that that is true but that doesn't make it any more fun to be here. And also it was suggested that I get angry and let it all out... I guess if I had to explain to anyone who I was in that area... I would have to relate myself to the starting over show... Does anyone on here watch that show? I best relate to the girl (jennifer) on there that never gets angry-ever. I just think that things don't make me that way with people and I have been through a lot including this, and have never actually vented and gotten angry about any of it. The only difference with this whole experience this time is that I am grieving and dealing with everything instead of putting on my "i'm okay!" mask. But it hurts. I feel like I actually have real pain on my heart and the constant knot in my stomache never goes away. Grief is not a fun experience,,, for something soooo emotional... It sure does have a lot of physcial side effects. If it continues than I guess my fear is that I will go into hiding once again and once again not deal with it and once again shoove it deep inside all over again... But how do I deal with it without falling apart...Someone said something like that god won't let us go through more than we could bare, but I gotta tell you looking from this chair that is really hard to believe. I can't deal with this... It's taking over my everyday. It's only been three days and I can't even eat or sleep... I don't know how much more I can take of this...

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