Girls, Do I Have Another Chance With Her? Posted: 09-06-05 15:36pm
So I had been dating my girlfriend for
three and a half years and the last two
months of the relationship I started to
spend more time doing other things and not
hanging out with her as often as I should
have because I took her for granted and
thought she would always be there (bad
idea)
anyways she decides she wants a break and
we're both super upset about it....She
still kept saying I love you and would cry
about how much she misses this and
that....And we would still talk every
day....One day she called and said hey we
can work this out....I said well how about
we wait until we see each other next and
we'll talk about it
two days go by and we don't talk because I
had work and so did she....I text her and
asked if she had forgotten about me to be
cute and she calls me later and says "i've
been thinking about this and we need to
break up"
that totally catches me off gaurd since I
was going to tell her the exact opposite.
She said she wanted time to herself and
that we had drifted and she didn't feel
the same.
So that was about a month ago.....The
first time we hung out it was at a local
show (my friends are in bands) and she was
still all over me despite what she had
stated, she was coming up from behind and
putting her arms around me and touching my
face and leading me to beleive that she
didn't really want to part ways....The
confusion continues through various online
talks in which she would tell me how i'm
never going to be replaced and that I have
nothing to worry about. She also said how
comfortable she was around me and how we
have so much in common and .....So the
next few times we hang out I see less and
less of what she tells me online.
We start talking about it and she's like
"crap, I have been leading you on" (comon
now, how can you not realize the kind of
signals they are sending someone,
especially if it was that many) i'm like,
so I can be replaced and I do have
something to worry about
and she's like, jason we're broken up, do
you know what that means? That means i'm
going to have boyfriends, they won't be
you....You treated me like sh*t and i'm
not going to back to you because I want
something different. I was in shock and
all I said was "i don't have anything to
say to that so have a good first day in
college tomorrow, i'll talk to you later"
and because I still love her and care for
her I got her a get well soon card the
next day because she got her wisdom teeth
pulled out. I get a text message later
that day saying thank you so much for the
card and thank you for being so caring.
Since that day (this past friday) she
hasn't talked to me at all.....My friend
went over there to talk to her and she had
taken my pictures down and that destroyed
me. But she was like, but I still want to
take him out for his birthday and I don't
want him to be mad at me.......And I want
to call him soon if he's not online
tomorrow. It has been 4 days and she
hasn't called or said anything to me..
Every person i've talked to said that she
would come crawling back to me in a little
while if I backed off completely. One of
the kids I talked to at work said that his
girlfriend basically wrote him out of her
life and took his pictures off the wall
and 2-3 months later she wanted him
back.
I just want this "i'm a big college girl"
now phase to pass because this is not who
she really is. She was the sweetest most
loving person in the whole world, I don't
know how anyone could change overnight
permanetaly you know?
I just want to get another chance because
I admitted my mistakes and breaking up
with someone because you might not get
enough attention isn't a good reason.....I
shouldn't have taken her for granted but I
realize what I had done wrong and I want
to fix it....I just want to say if you
really loved me like you said you did you
would let us try again.
So is backing off completely the best
thing I can do? And maybe in a little
while she'll start talking to me again and
say oh jason I really miss you?
It seems like everyone i've talked to who
has broken up with their bfs/gfs have
gotten back together and tried again, it
would be so sad if we didn't try again in
the future.
Its already been a month and I really
haven't given it a chance I guess, i'm
just so broken hearted and it just doesn't
seem fair.
So what do you guys/girls think?
|
loocom20
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Sep 2005 Posts: 1 Location: USA
Listen to This About That!! Posted: 09-06-05 17:21pm
Hopefalls310,
sorry, im not a girl, but I went through
the exact same thing as you are now. I
dated a girl in high school who was (in
retrospect) sooo very cool. I was young,
and didnt really give her what she needed
or deserved. I never did anything like
cheat on her, and I would see her pretty
much every day, but I just kind of kept
things on a "friendly" level and never
allowed myself to get too "mushy" with
her. We more or less broke up, and still
saw eachother for a few months (which
killed her I know) but we were'nt
together. As time passed, I realized
that she really was a great girl, that I
really was not finding anything better out
there, so inevitably I started to miss
her. It killed me. The more I even
looked at girls I didnt want to be with,
the more it made me miss this girl. I
gave her time, pulled back for month or
so. I started to call her every few days
just to chat, and it was like the
highlight of my day. I was wraped up in
this girl so bad. I finally drove the
hour and a half to her college to ask for
her hand again in a relationship, and what
I got was a nice softly spoken "no".
Pretty much said the same thing your girl
did. Cant remember feeling any worse in
my life. Anything I did was irrelivent,
nothing was going to get her back. In
the next few months I had alot of
sickening time on my hands to think about
it. This is where things get tricky.
You see, like you, I did enjoy her company
and her mine. I did take her out, treat
her well, have fun and laugh with her,
etc. I didnt realize until later that
what I didnt do, is give this girl any
real incentive to want me back. What
reason did she need?...Real emotional
attatchment. The seemingly very hard to
squeez out "i love you", holding hands, a
random kiss....They are the backbone of
the incentive, they are the things I knew
I should do, and really probably wanted to
do, but never could muster past my "manly"
football player pride. What would I do
different knowing then what I know now?
Dont take those times when you should say
or do something for granted, act on the
feelings, let myself get involved deeply
by doing those things.
What should you do? You have to
understand her position. She is looking
for independance. Part of her
independance is being left to make her own
decisions, she wants this, and needs to be
able to do this right now. However, she
also knows is that she has cared for, and
probably does still care a great deal for
you. Your move is this. You coordinate
your words, write them down if you have
to. Everything you know you should have
done, everything you didnt do, all of the
imperfections you caused the relationship
to have. Tell her how you feel, tell her
how you miss her, tell her why you want
her back. Subtly tell her things will be
different, but dont tell her how, keep
that part short. Remember she wants to
make an independant decision, not one that
feels like your rewarding her with your
good behavior for making it. Tell her
all of this, get it all off your chest.
Then walk away. Dont make a argument out
of it, dont even let it be a conversation.
Just walk away. Leave her with that.
You get it off your chest (you win), she
knows how much she means to you (she
wins)..... And she'll think about it,
she'll decide what she wants to do. But
your going to get no where just calling
her and trying to talk her into it.
Good luck man, from someone whos been in
those shoes, I hope it all works out for
you.
|
hopesfall310
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Sep 2005 Posts: 6
Posted: 09-06-05 18:08pm
I really appreciate your reply man, yeah
i'm just kind of planning on walking away
now and seeing what happens....The last
thing she said was thank you for being so
caring....I said you're welcome and that
was that
so I hope she sees, its almost like we got
a divorce, I knew all of her family (which
was huge) and they all loved me and
invited me everywhere
i just want to be apart of that again
|
~baby~g~
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jul 2005 Posts: 221 Location: Ohio
Posted: 09-07-05 01:15am
Hey hun, I know exactly what you're
saying. As hard as it may be..Try talking
to other girls, going on a few dates etc.
I'm sure nothing will be the same as the
other girl..But the more you get upset
about it, the more it's going to tear your
heart apart. I've known a guy going on 4
years now, we've been together on &
off..We finally broke it off for good
& didn't talk for over a year. Well
in the meantime I met another guy, caleb,
I cared about him soo much, but the other
guy was still in the back of my mind..He
was my first true love. Caleb & I
were only together for 6 months, but those
were the best 6 months of my life because
he taught me soooo much...I was really
upset...But I realized he wasn't coming
back, I had to move on. We still talked
as friends, you & her can do the same.
After that break up, the first love came
back into my life after a year, didn't
work out, I didn't have all those feelings
for him anymore. We were together 6
months again, during that time caleb had
asked me to get back wit him, I told him
no, because I didn't want to go back to
that, being scared of loosing him..And
still to this day I love those 2 guys, I
really do, but caleb I haven't talked to
for 8 months & the other one its been
a few weeks. Yeah, it hurts when I talk
to him..I still tell him I love him &
he tries all the time to get with me..But
you kno what? I found someone else..I've
been with for 8 months & we plan on
having a future together..He's the one for
me..Even though it still hurts when I
think about the other 2..I always smile
because I know I have the man I will spend
my life with right here with me. I mean
she may come back, she may not..Everything
happens for a reason babe so if she does
come back then it's meant to be! Best
wishes!
Kayla
|
hopesfall310
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Sep 2005 Posts: 6
Posted: 09-07-05 10:34am
It just hurts me that someone who cared so
much about me can be like this now...I
just can't accept that this is how she may
be from now on.
|
chrissy721
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jul 2005 Posts: 808 Location: Somewhere out there
Posted: 09-07-05 11:36am
Jason,
i have a friend who's girlfriend did that
to him too. She was just out of
highschool, had been dating nathan 3-4
years and decided she wanted to "date" a
little but wanted to remain friends.
She played with his emotions with the yes
I want to be a couple, no I don't kind of
stuff because she wasn't really sure of
what she wanted. He really really loved
her and she really really loved him.
(i'm friends with both of them and talked
to both of them.) nate didn't take my
advice at giving her some space, knowing
how she felt.
She went to college and tried to remain
friends with nate and he hounded her to
death with gifts, and calling her
constantly, and just happening to be at
the same places she was. She just
needed some time to think. And I really
think that if he would have just left her
alone for a while, they'd be married by
now.
So my advice is to give her some space and
be there when she calls on you. Don't
completely ignore her but give her some
space.
I don't know if that's good advice but
this is just from my friend's experience.
|
hopesfall310
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Sep 2005 Posts: 6
Posted: 09-07-05 11:46am
Yeah I couldn't help but get her little
things because I loved her so much....But
I hope I didn't push on her too much,
maybe her blowing up at me was some kind
of a bluff (i hope) just so she could have
some space....But i'll always be there for
her and I hope she sees that, I don't know
how she could toss me out of her life so
fast you know?
|
chrissy721
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jul 2005 Posts: 808 Location: Somewhere out there
Posted: 09-07-05 13:32pm
Yeah I do understand that, she's probably
just confused right now. There are
probably other ppl giving her advice and
she's not sure which advice to follow,
which might explain why she's "coming" and
"going." just give her some time.
Things will cool down. It's great that
you want to get her little gifts because
you love her, but you might want to hold
off for a while. Just try it and see
what happens. When you see her around,
don't be the first person to talk, let her
come to you if she wants. Hope this
helps.
|
hopesfall310
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Sep 2005 Posts: 6
Posted: 09-07-05 14:42pm
She just called me last night and was
explaining to me about how she isn't
looking for people and she doesn't have a
boyfriend. She's just hanging out with
other people.
She also kept asking if it was ok to take
me out for my birthday and back to her
house for a cake.....She insists that its
not because she feels bad and she told my
friend the same thing
i just don't want that to be some last
hurrah before she dissapears
|
chrissy721
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jul 2005 Posts: 808 Location: Somewhere out there
Posted: 09-07-05 16:12pm
Yea I know, but she sounds like she's
being honest with you, so I would give it
a chance, based on your own
judgement...You know her well enough to
probably know what she's going to do...I
don't know though, if you turn her down
she might think you've totally given up,
and then she will definetly move on. I
think that if you love her enough you
should let her take you out because it
might be better to know exactly how it's
going to be than to not go and sit and
wonder all the time what would have
happened if you accepted. Maybe i'm
wrong, but I think that's what I would do
in your situation. You might get hurt,
but it might be worth finding out.
But...When you do go...Give her
space...She might want to take you out
because she's got more to say... I would
hope she wouldn't have bad things to say
when she's taking you out for your
birthday, that would be cruel, and if
cruel is what comes out of it you might be
better off. But listen to her, be honest
and you should be fine.
|
SuziON
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Sep 2005 Posts: 25 Location: Welland
All I Have to Say Posted: 09-08-05 11:18am
Is that I was with my first boyfriend from
age 15 to 17 we broke up over a silly
jealousy issue and after time we became
best of friends. Right after we broke up
I got pregnant with someone else's child
and him and his new girlfriend got
pregnant right in the same month! So
years passed I have two children with my
ex and he has 2 with his ex. We remained
best friends, hung out on and off but
remained faithful to our ex's. Turns out
our ex's were cheating on us the whole
time so get this..
After almost 12 years we're back together
and still best of friends! It's been 3
years and next year we'll be married.
So my reply to you is that anything can
happen just keep the friendship going no
matter what happens, that's the most
imporant!
Good luck!
Suzi
|
hopesfall310
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Sep 2005 Posts: 6
Posted: 09-09-05 11:00am
Yesterday she called me and asked if I
wanted to come over and get her
check...And if I also wanted to fix her
computer. So I didn't have to, I could
have said go screw yourself but i'm a nice
guy and I went and fixed it....We talked
for an hour and there wasn't any silence
and there was lots of laughing, going in
her room and seeing pictures taken down
from her wall was hard since her computer
was in her room....So an hour later she
goes to hang out with her girl friend (who
is also my friend) and they were talking
and brittney goes "if she asks you tell
him we aren't getting back together and
she already told me" yet she still asks
me....Do you still want to go see (this
band) in october? What else could I say
but yes, because I really do want to.
This just isn't fair at all, I feel so
belittled, unattractive and looked down
upon...
So I feel embarassed for having hope and
faith..........I mean techically she could
still come around...But the way my luck is
going...A few months will pass and she
won't
i didn't think it could get worse....But
it does, and then some.
Kill me
|
kennygirl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Sep 2005 Posts: 8 Location: new york
Posted: 09-10-05 16:40pm
Hey,honey.The best thing to do is stay
away from her,and not see her anymore ,out
of sight out of mind.It helped me with my
ex,and I too suffered a broken heart.Good
luck
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