Help! Am I Schizophrenic... Posted: 09-06-05 18:19pm
Well, heres the story...
Basically, I think I might be
schizophrenic, but I don't know for sure.
I'm completely confused and really scared.
It all comes down to the fact that in
england, where I live, i'm told, that the
doctors and families of schizophrenics
don't actually tell the sufferer that they
have it. My ex had a schixophrenic
brother, and she told me that for years
her brother had no idea he had it, and the
whole family and his few remaining friends
didn't admit it to him, he just lived out
fantasies without realising they were
fantasies, because apparently if you tell
a schizophrenic that they have it its the
worst thing for them. Anyway the way I
feel, and the way I think I act, I
wouldn't be surprised if my mum turned
round to me and admitted i'm a
schizophrenic and everybody knows it but
me!
I'm 20, nearly 21, and i've spent a good
two years now suspecting this in silence
and trying as hard as I can to keep my
life together and get on with it without
being committed and having my life taken
away as a lunatic. But recently, I am
finding it really hard to keep the wheels
turning on my life, I find myself
continually holding a conversation with
invisible 'companions'. It seems to be a
different person each time, but they are
pretty much just ok, they are just sort of
listeners, who seem to ask a question or
make a comment, and then I just go
rambling on in a conversation with them.
Sometimes it goes on for hours, but maybe
this is just me thinking?!? It tends to
be when i'm on my own, but sometimes with
other people if I am not talking to them.
I need to know - a 'sane' person, do they
think about things like this? Do they
have, sort of, conversations with
themselves? Its like i'm imagnining what
I might say if I was in a situation with
someone, but then when I think about it I
realise that I actually am just having
these conversations. I don't know, i'm so
confused, i'm sure anyone reading this
post probably will be too, because I feel
like people don't understand what i'm
saying half the time. I walked in on my
ex-housemates last year saying something
about someone who 'makes no sense at all',
and I don't know if they were talking
about me, but they could have been.
I don't see things, hallucinations, that I
know of, but I know that if I did see
things then I would believe they are real
so I wouldn't know they are hallucinations
anyway, so its pointless assuming anything
really. Is schizophrenia like dreams,
when everything that is happening is
totally surreal, but seems completely
normal? I guess thats what its like. It
sends a chill down my spine when I wonder
if I am just acting completely crazy 24/7
and people just aren't telling me because
thats the best thing for me. I work in a
shop, and I wonder if my mum has called
the other workers there and got them to
act normal around me or something. They
treat me weirdly for sure. Sometimes I
seem to be having a normal conversation
with a stranger in the shop, and then they
suddenly tense up, surprised, almost as if
what I just said was complete nonsense.
I am a paranoid person for sure, I can't
help it, I suspect most people around me,
it ruined my last relationship and has
ruined all of my friendships. I lose
interest in knowing people because I just
end up convinced they are using me in some
way. Maybe they were anyway, I don't
think people are that nice. I hate being
in crowded places, like a town centre, but
I loathe being somewhere like a party,
when i'm expected to engage with people
and smile and have fun, for some reason it
just gets me down, I just end up feeling
like i'm making no sense and i'm making a
fool of myself.
Anyway its getting worse I think. I'm
getting very very depressed with my life,
i've got no life really, a handful of
people I know, thats it. I guess what
makes me most depressed is the possibility
i've got schizophrenia, i'm told
schizophrenics don't live so long, but I
don't known why that would be? Does it
always end in suicide or what?
Oh yeah, and I guess the most worrying
thing is that schizophrenia is in my
family. My uncle went crazy after losing
his dad, and over the years he built up a
sort of 'plot' in his mind of how he was
going to see his dad again, and eventually
he did it and murdered his sons, my
cousins. It sounds like caca but its
true, its a shocking family secret, he
killed his kids and then wrapped his van
around a tree! Mindfucked. Thats in my
family, and schizophrenia is genetic -
what a mindfuck for me don't you think?
What makes me think i'm not schizo is that
I never feel like hurting myself or anyone
basically, and that I cant specifically
say I hallucinate. I just constantly
carry out conversations with myself when
i'm alone or not engaged in
conversation.
Well, thats my world, every day is some
new, terrible challenge, i'm anxious all
the time, I hate being with people I even
suspect my family sometimes, so, no caca,
am I schizophrenic?
Thanks for any help.
|
luvkittykats
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 69 Location: north carolina
Re: Help! Am I Schizophrenic... Posted: 09-08-05 13:51pm
loonyornot
wrote:
well, heres the story...
Basically, I think I might be
schizophrenic, but I don't know for sure.
I'm completely confused and really
scared. It all comes down to the fact
that in england, where I live, i'm told,
that the doctors and families of
schizophrenics don't actually tell the
sufferer that they have it. My ex had a
schixophrenic brother, and she told me
that for years her brother had no idea he
had it, and the whole family and his few
remaining friends didn't admit it to him,
he just lived out fantasies without
realising they were fantasies, because
apparently if you tell a schizophrenic
that they have it its the worst thing for
them. Anyway the way I feel, and the way
I think I act, I wouldn't be surprised if
my mum turned round to me and admitted i'm
a schizophrenic and everybody knows it but
me!
I'm 20, nearly 21, and i've spent a good
two years now suspecting this in silence
and trying as hard as I can to keep my
life together and get on with it without
being committed and having my life taken
away as a lunatic. But recently, I am
finding it really hard to keep the wheels
turning on my life, I find myself
continually holding a conversation with
invisible 'companions'. It seems to be a
different person each time, but they are
pretty much just ok, they are just sort of
listeners, who seem to ask a question or
make a comment, and then I just go
rambling on in a conversation with them.
Sometimes it goes on for hours, but maybe
this is just me thinking?!? It tends to
be when i'm on my own, but sometimes with
other people if I am not talking to them.
I need to know - a 'sane' person, do they
think about things like this? Do they
have, sort of, conversations with
themselves? Its like i'm imagnining what
I might say if I was in a situation with
someone, but then when I think about it I
realise that I actually am just having
these conversations. I don't know, i'm
so confused, i'm sure anyone reading this
post probably will be too, because I feel
like people don't understand what i'm
saying half the time. I walked in on my
ex-housemates last year saying something
about someone who 'makes no sense at all',
and I don't know if they were talking
about me, but they could have been.
I don't see things, hallucinations, that I
know of, but I know that if I did see
things then I would believe they are real
so I wouldn't know they are hallucinations
anyway, so its pointless assuming anything
really. Is schizophrenia like dreams,
when everything that is happening is
totally surreal, but seems completely
normal? I guess thats what its like.
It sends a chill down my spine when I
wonder if I am just acting completely
crazy 24/7 and people just aren't telling
me because thats the best thing for me.
I work in a shop, and I wonder if my mum
has called the other workers there and got
them to act normal around me or something.
They treat me weirdly for sure.
Sometimes I seem to be having a normal
conversation with a stranger in the shop,
and then they suddenly tense up,
surprised, almost as if what I just said
was complete nonsense.
I am a paranoid person for sure, I can't
help it, I suspect most people around me,
it ruined my last relationship and has
ruined all of my friendships. I lose
interest in knowing people because I just
end up convinced they are using me in some
way. Maybe they were anyway, I don't
think people are that nice. I hate being
in crowded places, like a town centre, but
I loathe being somewhere like a party,
when i'm expected to engage with people
and smile and have fun, for some reason it
just gets me down, I just end up feeling
like i'm making no sense and i'm making a
fool of myself.
Anyway its getting worse I think. I'm
getting very very depressed with my life,
i've got no life really, a handful of
people I know, thats it. I guess what
makes me most depressed is the possibility
i've got schizophrenia, i'm told
schizophrenics don't live so long, but I
don't known why that would be? Does it
always end in suicide or what?
Oh yeah, and I guess the most worrying
thing is that schizophrenia is in my
family. My uncle went crazy after losing
his dad, and over the years he built up a
sort of 'plot' in his mind of how he was
going to see his dad again, and eventually
he did it and not a nice acted his sons,
my cousins. It sounds like bullhealth
question but its true, its a shocking
family secret, he killed his kids and then
wrapped his van around a tree!
Mind!@#^ed. Thats in my family, and
schizophrenia is genetic - what a mind!@#^
for me don't you think?
What makes me think i'm not schizo is that
I never feel like hurting myself or anyone
basically, and that I cant specifically
say I hallucinate. I just constantly
carry out conversations with myself when
i'm alone or not engaged in
conversation.
Well, thats my world, every day is some
new, terrible challenge, i'm anxious all
the time, I hate being with people I even
suspect my family sometimes, so, no
bullhealth question, am I schizophrenic?
Thanks for any
help.
have you seen a doctor yet? Get an
appointment with a psychiatrist. Sounds
like you do have some sort of illness, I
won't go making guesses as to what it
might be, but I can tell you that many
schizophrenics can live full healthy lives
if they get help and take their meds.
They can live as long as anyone else.
Don't feel terrible if you have it, or any
other condition. Mental illness can be
treated and controlled just like, say,
diabetes or high blood pressure.
|
desktapper07
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Aug 2007 Posts: 4 Location: Troy, Illinois
Re: Help! Am I Schizophrenic... Posted: 08-18-07 17:13pm
I think we have a few key things in
common. Here's my story. I had a migraine
once and I couldn't take the pain so I
shut my eyes and a calm voice came into my
head and told me to relax and not focus on
the pain. He stayed with me and repeated
calm phrases for an hour. When I opened my
eyes I felt very, very good.
He is still there, and listens and
sometimes gives advice if I ask it.
Sometimes words or names will pop into my
head and I'll look them up and they are
directly related to something I am
wondering about. I don't know if that's
advice?
But I have panic attacks, and I've been
really bad recently. On one panic attack,
which was very bad, there was a voice in
my head, it actually sounds like a loud
thought (like when you get a song stuck in
your head you just can't ignore). But it
was yelling at me telling me I was going
to hell and lots of terrible things. I was
going to turn on some relaxing music to
drown it out but it demanded I not touch
the radio. I was afraid, so I didn't.
Then the good voice came in, and he fought
the bad voice and demanded it leave in the
name of God, so it did, reluctantly.
Sometimes it will creep up and try to
confuse me, and act like the good voice
and give bad advice. It makes me wary of
the good voice, but I know that's exactly
what it's trying to do. It makes it harder
to hear the good voice. But if I pray
about it, I feel better.
The good voice doesn't barge in and start
talking. I have to ask for advice or be in
a situation of need. But sometimes I feel
like I just need someone to talk to
because I don't really have any friends.
Sometimes it comforts me, so I picture a
strong, wise woman and I actually get good
advice. Like you said, they listen and
sometimes comment. It's things I wouldn't
think of myself.
I do think I need to see a psychologist
though, just to talk about some issues.
That's my story, anyway.
But in your case, I was reading an
article, and apparently lots of people
have little conversations in their heads.
We're all confused and in need with our
woes and problems. Having an ideal person
to talk to, even if we make them up, is a
healthy thing I think.
I'm not a doctor, but I really do think
you're alright.
I'd love to hear back from you, let me
know how you're doing!
loonyornot
wrote:
Well, heres the story...
Basically, I think I might be
schizophrenic, but I don't know for sure.
I'm completely confused and really scared.
It all comes down to the fact that in
england, where I live, i'm told, that the
doctors and families of schizophrenics
don't actually tell the sufferer that they
have it. My ex had a schixophrenic
brother, and she told me that for years
her brother had no idea he had it, and the
whole family and his few remaining friends
didn't admit it to him, he just lived out
fantasies without realising they were
fantasies, because apparently if you tell
a schizophrenic that they have it its the
worst thing for them. Anyway the way I
feel, and the way I think I act, I
wouldn't be surprised if my mum turned
round to me and admitted i'm a
schizophrenic and everybody knows it but
me!
I'm 20, nearly 21, and i've spent a good
two years now suspecting this in silence
and trying as hard as I can to keep my
life together and get on with it without
being committed and having my life taken
away as a lunatic. But recently, I am
finding it really hard to keep the wheels
turning on my life, I find myself
continually holding a conversation with
invisible 'companions'. It seems to be a
different person each time, but they are
pretty much just ok, they are just sort of
listeners, who seem to ask a question or
make a comment, and then I just go
rambling on in a conversation with them.
Sometimes it goes on for hours, but maybe
this is just me thinking?!? It tends to
be when i'm on my own, but sometimes with
other people if I am not talking to them.
I need to know - a 'sane' person, do they
think about things like this? Do they
have, sort of, conversations with
themselves? Its like i'm imagnining what
I might say if I was in a situation with
someone, but then when I think about it I
realise that I actually am just having
these conversations. I don't know, i'm so
confused, i'm sure anyone reading this
post probably will be too, because I feel
like people don't understand what i'm
saying half the time. I walked in on my
ex-housemates last year saying something
about someone who 'makes no sense at all',
and I don't know if they were talking
about me, but they could have been.
I don't see things, hallucinations, that I
know of, but I know that if I did see
things then I would believe they are real
so I wouldn't know they are hallucinations
anyway, so its pointless assuming anything
really. Is schizophrenia like dreams,
when everything that is happening is
totally surreal, but seems completely
normal? I guess thats what its like. It
sends a chill down my spine when I wonder
if I am just acting completely crazy 24/7
and people just aren't telling me because
thats the best thing for me. I work in a
shop, and I wonder if my mum has called
the other workers there and got them to
act normal around me or something. They
treat me weirdly for sure. Sometimes I
seem to be having a normal conversation
with a stranger in the shop, and then they
suddenly tense up, surprised, almost as if
what I just said was complete nonsense.
I am a paranoid person for sure, I can't
help it, I suspect most people around me,
it ruined my last relationship and has
ruined all of my friendships. I lose
interest in knowing people because I just
end up convinced they are using me in some
way. Maybe they were anyway, I don't
think people are that nice. I hate being
in crowded places, like a town centre, but
I loathe being somewhere like a party,
when i'm expected to engage with people
and smile and have fun, for some reason it
just gets me down, I just end up feeling
like i'm making no sense and i'm making a
fool of myself.
Anyway its getting worse I think. I'm
getting very very depressed with my life,
i've got no life really, a handful of
people I know, thats it. I guess what
makes me most depressed is the possibility
i've got schizophrenia, i'm told
schizophrenics don't live so long, but I
don't known why that would be? Does it
always end in suicide or what?
Oh yeah, and I guess the most worrying
thing is that schizophrenia is in my
family. My uncle went crazy after losing
his dad, and over the years he built up a
sort of 'plot' in his mind of how he was
going to see his dad again, and eventually
he did it and murdered his sons, my
cousins. It sounds like caca but its
true, its a shocking family secret, he
killed his kids and then wrapped his van
around a tree! Mindfucked. Thats in my
family, and schizophrenia is genetic -
what a mindfuck for me don't you think?
What makes me think i'm not schizo is that
I never feel like hurting myself or anyone
basically, and that I cant specifically
say I hallucinate. I just constantly
carry out conversations with myself when
i'm alone or not engaged in conversation.
Well, thats my world, every day is some
new, terrible challenge, i'm anxious all
the time, I hate being with people I even
suspect my family sometimes, so, no caca,
am I schizophrenic?
Thanks for any
help.
|
Stan
Moderator
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 1696 Location: ,
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 08-18-07 17:58pm
I doubt you're schizophrenic, though it
sounds like you have something going on.
Without hallucinations, delusions and a
few other symptoms, it's not possible. I
talk to myself sometimes and even act out
parts of books I write to make them more
realistic, but really get lost in the
characters I portray and I'm sure if
someone walked in on my they'd think I was
insane.
