I and my wife of 9 years have a pretty
good relationship. We have two great
children, a great house, etc. But
sexually we are on completely different
wavelengths. Sex in our marriage is too
few and far between. She has to psyche up
for it for weeks and then she'll give me
about 5-10 minutes. And during sex
everything irritates her and she gets
upset with me during sex. She has never
had an orgasm. She doesn't consider it as
something worth pursuing. Because of all
this I 've run a sexual satisfaction
deficit so to speak. And finally I
caved.
I had a two-day affair with someone
recently. We were intimate hours at a
time and I enjoyed it immensely. I think
at the age of 37 probably for the first
time in my life I gave someone orgasm and
it made me feel like more of a man.
Afterwards, I was upset not because I 'd
cheated on my wife but because of what I
and my wife could have been experiencing
all these years if only she was into it.
At the end of the day though, it was out
of character for me to do that, and I
couldn't live with myself keeping secrets
from my wife. So I told her. Obviously
she was devastated at first,because she
was not expecting it at all.
Nevertheless, she said she wanted to stay
married with me. But now I am not so sure
because I consider intimacy as the base of
the pyramid called a relationship and
after seeing a glimpse of how great it
could be, I don't know if we should stay
married.
She is a great person and I have nothing
but love for her and for my children and
i'll always be there for them and to
support them.
I am very confused - am I being completely
selfish here throwing a good family out
the window? Or am I doing the right thing
pursuing what would truly make me happy
because I only get one life?
Am I a pig?
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Assena
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 328 Location: Georgia
Posted: 09-10-05 01:27am
You and your wife may consider
counceling... They do offer sex
therapy....
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czarg
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jan 2006 Posts: 68 Location: Lagos-Nigeria
Saintly Heart. Posted: 01-13-06 21:44pm
I would say you have a saintly heart.
Reminds of what I have done in my past
relationships too.
Take heart. She will be down quite
alright but I believe it will all be well
soon enough. Perhaps you should consider
counselling, along with your wife/family.
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lsipes
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jan 2006 Posts: 325
Posted: 01-15-06 08:52am
I don't think you're a pig. I am,
however, disappointed that you didn't seem
to explore any solutions before going off
and having an affair.
Are you sure that all of her needs are
being met to make her feel like having
sex? You said that intimacy is the base
of the pyramid for you. That's true of
most men, if not all. While intimacy is
the base for men, emotion is the base for
most women.
I would seriously consider getting the
book his needs, her needs and read it with
your wife. You'd be amazed at how
accurate it is. The jist of it is this:
in a marriage, men mostly need to have
their sexual needs met to feel that it is
a lively relationship. Women need their
emotional needs met in order to meet the
man's sexual needs. Sounds simple
enough, right? Sadly many people just
don't seem to "get" it.
This is the best advice I can give. Our
church actually did a couples' study on
this book and it worked wonders for many.
Unfortunately, my marriage was already
dead by the time I found this resource.
I wish better luck to you.
