Masturbation Addiction

This is probably going to be bizarre to most who read this, but hopefully someone else out there can relate or know where I should look for answers...

My addiction if that's what it is, started around age 5 I believe. It started with one of my aunts because she smoked. Whenever she was around, I would always want to sit on her lap when she smoked. I didn't "get" the reason I was attracted, but I was. At that age I would use crayons and paper to make my own play cigarettes and matches. I had a huge fascination with matches, lighters, anything to do with fire or smoking. I didn't look at it as "being like a grown up". No this was a sexual response. As I grew older, my desire for burning paper, smoking, lighters, all of those things stayed with me and grew with me.

Before I was old enough to even masturbate, I was getting some kind of sexual high from these things. Once I did hit the age of self-interest, I began to masturbate and absolutely loved it. Eventually all of it came together. By 15 years of age I was secretly smoking while masturbating. Eventually I started smoking regularly, but always smoked during masturbation and if I had a partner that was "into it" I smoked while having sex. By the age of 23 I began smoking pot because I knew that it would increase the pleasure of masturbation or sex. It did and now at the age of 38 I still smoke cigarettes, have smoked pot on and off, but still have this deep urge to masturbate even if i'm not horny... usually forcing myself to become aroused. This has caused obvious problems in one out of the five relationships I've been in. I agree that it has taken away from my relationships because I have made efforts to stay up after my partner goes to bed, just so I can masturbate. This being the case even though she actually enjoys watching me masturbate. Well five years into this relationship and I've hit another area I didn't expect. One night my gf and I were talking on the phone and she mentioned that she thought I would really enjoy performing oral sex on another man. At first I was shocked, horrified and almost cut it off from her for even suggesting something like that. Long story short, it never happened, yet at least, but it did actually become a part of our "fantasy talk" and we've incorporated it in our sexual adventures many times. I have no real interest in doing this since I am not attracted to men, but I have to admit that the idea of performing such has become yet another addition to my addiction.

BTW I wasn't molested as a kid, I don't watch porn, in fact I don't own any movies, magazines or surf for it. For some reason when I have experimented with porn, it seemed more of a distraction. Yes, the smoking fetish. Also, I have only ejaculated once per day ever since I can remember. It's a rare occasion if I do more than once in the same day. One poster mentioned eight times a day. I would be dead by now if I had to satisfy my messed up craving eight times a day. I just like to have sex with my gf or masturbate (with or without her present). The question I guess I really want to get answered is, how in the world do you control something like this when it started at such a young age for no reason that I can define.

I've stopped smoking before and the sexual craving I would get for a cigarette would eventually win out and I would smoke while masturbating and the process just repeats. Until I know the source or how to control it, I feel like it's controlling me. Also, I was very religious growing up and even the notion then that my actions could cause me some problems spiritually, it didn't stop me.

I've never heard of anyone else having a sexual addiction tied in with smoking. Together, it's a real bad ass... one that so far I haven't beat.

I would love to get a grip on this so I don't screw up this relationship or kill myself from smoking. So far, nothing and I mean nothing has worked.

Any ideas?

It's a fetish, and actually the connection between smoking and "being sexy" is extremely common. Ever wonder why sexy stars smoke? How about the manly heroes? Smoking and sexuality is very intertwined. It's not so unnatural to take a childhood fascination and develop it into a sexual fetish as an adult. As long as this isn't creating a void between you and your girlfriends then I don't think it's a problem.

Eiri, of all the posts I've seen reading this, I believe yours have made the most sense.

I googled this topic because I have been questioning if I'm addicted, or if I just really like it a lot. I've been masturbating for most of my life, and I don't see it as wrong or as a problem in general. Everyone does it, and if they don't they probably should. I've been struggling on and off over the years about not doing it so much, or just cutting it out completely. Sometimes I go a few days without, sometimes I can masturbate numeorus times in one day. I've found myself doing it more often lately, coupled with not being able to sleep well (may or may not be related), which lead me to researching this idea of masterbation as an addiction. I think that any activity that interferes with the daily operation of your life (work, school, ect) is an addiction, or has a negative effect on your health, mental state, or bank account. For me, this is really nither. There is no negitive effect to masterbating. In fact, a while back I bought a sex toy because I was tired of just using my hand. Probably the best thing I ever did, my stamina is better now than before. When I started seeing someone later, the sex was great. I lasted a long time and she was multi-orgasmic. I actualy went to bed one night after a great session without climaxing (but not unsatisfied). We woke up the next morning and finnished it off. When we broke up a few weeks later, it was due to personalities and social setting, not because I jerked off when I wasn't sleeping with her.

The thing is, I don't feel an overwhelming urge to pleasure myself if I'm out doing things (work, socializing). It's when I'm at home with nothing to do, or going to bed alone, that I crave that attention, so I go take care of it. That's been more often, since income's been tight lately. I have no wife or girlfriend to satisfy my sexual desires for me. Is it really better to ignore them untill I find one? Should I be hitting the bars for one night stands to satisfy myself? I have noticed as I get older that I am picky about the type of women I like, so "going out and getting a girlfirend" isn't as easy as it is typed.

I really think the big question here (for me at least) isn't, "is this ok?" or "am I addicted," but rather "how do I find someone who shares my same enthusiasim for sex?"

You die a little death each time you ejaculate. That's classic!

I don't think you should ignore your sexual urges. I definitely don't think you should hit up random bars and possibly catch an STD. Masturbation is a completely healthy way to relieve sexual tension.

The best advice for finding someone who likes sex is to date! I really can't give much advice on that because I'm pretty much inexperienced with the dating scene. But for health reasons, you really really shouldn't "sleep around".

people just say masterbation is normal because they want an excuse to keep on sinning and try to be like the animal kindgom. We are not monkeys and we never were! Masterbation is the lust of the flesh as Jesus condemned. All who have sex before marriage destroy their own soul(proverbs 6:32) All who masterbate destroy their own mind;become perverts and commit sexual crimes. How do u think child molesters and pedophiles are made? it first starts with the masterbation, then u go to porn, then u commit the act. then its either STD's or Jail, and finally a big bucket of Hell for you as eternal punishment. Bible says that all things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal(GOD). What would u choose: 5 minutes of sexual pleasure and then its over and done with, or eternal life in Jesus Christ forver saved in the kingdom of God, you must forsake all sin to be a follower of Christ(2 timothy 2:19).

remember this to all the people who masterbate(<--im guilty too) and have pre-marital sex. Heres what God has to say;

Proverbs 27:20 "Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied."

Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

I am Christian, and I find your post offensive! I cannot see how either of the scriptures you have quoted prove masturbation is bad.

"Committing the act" is also not a sin. It is not illegal. If you have safe sex, you will not get STD's, and I can't possibly see how two consenting adults could end up in jail for having legal sex.

And as God forgives us through Jesus, even in your eyes a person who masturbates will go to heaven if he believes in God, no matter how many times he "sins". I think God is far more worried about people murddering each other than a little boy enjoying himself in his room!

i think its a habit that cant entirely be kicked...

well thinking back to the most ever iv been addicted to masturbating was a year or so ago i was very depressed and watched alot of porn to kill the boredom i think i was masturbating about 6 times daily for a month, thats a half a year worth of wanks in one month...

i think personally this needs to be brought up in school sex ed and taken off the list of taboo, this issue needs to be addressed very seriously and cautiously, by some very fanatical anti-masturbation doctors, don't forget to teach girls the dangers as well... cause i think girls can get addicted to this but its just less common or less heard of.

Wait, you think ANTI-masturbation doctors would make great educators about masturbation!? I think a good doctor to teach about masturbation would be one who knows it is OK to masturbate and knows it is a very healthy and normal behavior. THEY would teach proper masturbation behavior.

An anti-masturbation doctor would only teach pure abstinence, and that would not stop masturbation.

the parents... to teach their children...

then people will think the parents are child molesters for teaching their children how frequently to masturbate...

Why would people think that? Would YOU? How would anyone else know that a child has been told how many times to masturbate? It's not something people normally talk about.

nah, not me but there are some ignorant people out there.