Im 29 years off and financially stable - I
have had 2 previous abortions - when I was
17 and 22 - I swore that was my last.
Heres the problem - I have been dating a
man for 5 years - he is married - the
first three years of my relationship with
him he claimed to be divorced and lived
with me - we spent day and night together
- he lied to his wife telling her he has 2
companies to run - thats why he was only
around on saturdays to see his 2 boys.
Then I ran in to his "ex wife" who was
really his wife - I tried to stop seeing
him and even moved out of the state I
ended up coming back for work reasons and
other things he didnt make it easy to let
me let him go and it wasnt easy - well now
- im 11 weeks pregnant and so confused -
him and I have been on rocky road - I work
with him - he keeps saying he will be
divorced but we all know what that means -
he never will leave her and she never will
leave him - he claims that his 14 and 11
year old aare not ready for that - well
thats not fair to my child - he is
encouraging me to go through with it.
On the other hand - my family are
christian orthodox - they said that I dont
have any opetions and that I have to have
an abortion and if I dont im dead to them
- after my 11th week I refuse to have an
abortion - I dont want to have one at all
- im just worried for the life that my
child is going to have??? Im so
confused and have 2 days to decide what to
do - ive grown attachd to my child ive
been taking care of my child except this
weekend all the stress has led me to smoke
cigarettes that I have tried so hard to
quit - I dont know whats the right thing
to do help
Last edited by lildol on 09-13-05 11:18am; edited 1 time in total
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emerysmommy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Sep 2005 Posts: 7 Location: california
Poor Baby Posted: 09-12-05 23:41pm
Well first off you say your family is
"christian" but yeah they tell you its not
christian like to have a baby without
being married and what not but it is also
not christian like to have an abortion.
So how much "christian" can they possibly
be.
As for yourself I think you should keep
the baby and you obviously want to have
the baby dont listen to what others have
to say. Do it for yourself. All you got
to worry about is if you are financially
stable enough to have a baby. And you
say you love this baby and I know you do
cause you bond with your baby right away
then dont smoke take care of this baby.
And as for this jerk guy that you call
your boyfriend. Leave him. Trust me you
are better off without him. We all know
that he still married. And he is just
using his kids as an excuse. He thinks
his kids are too young that it isnt right
but do you think its right him cheating on
his wife like that and him never being
around. So my advice is to leave him.
You dont need to have a man to raise a
baby you can do it even though a daddy
would be good but if the daddy acts like
that the baby is better off with just you.
You gotta think about you and your baby
and whats best for the both of you. Not
whats best for him or your family. If
your family disowns you then they are the
ones that are sinning and they are the
ones at fault and they will come around
sooner or later.
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lildol
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Sep 2005 Posts: 5 Location: new york
Thanks Posted: 09-13-05 08:41am
Thanks for taking the time to share your
thoughts - I agree with you - just scared
that my baby will be short changed already
- I cant see myself going through with the
abortion tomorrow - even if my parents
never speak to me again - it is there loss
and if I have an abortion - ill never want
to speak to them again - and do you
believe that with the christian thing -
contradiction - huh!! I know that it just
comes down to them worried what other
people in there community think - its too
bad - those people have nothing to do with
my life! Thanks again - hope your pains
lighten up!! Hope its something normal
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teach486
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Aug 2005 Posts: 276 Location: US
Posted: 09-14-05 08:23am
I hope you decide to keep the baby. You
already know that the man is a loser.
You already know that deep inside he is
not right for you. You just need to
have to courage to cut him off once and
for all. These types of situations very
seldom work out in favor of "the other
woman" in the end. That is what you
have allowed yourself to be. "the other
woman." I have to wonder what the heck you
were thinking messing with a married man.
You really should think more highly of
yourself. You deserve better than that!
No, you didn't know he was at first. I
realize that. But, he has lied from yo
from the very beginning, leading you to
believe that he wasn't married with a
family. Who knows what other things he
has lied to you about? I wonder how many
"other women" there are, too? I am sure
you are not the only one! He knows no
other way. He will be a lier and cheater
for his entire life. Is this the type of
life you want for yourself?????
I also have to wonder what in the heck is
wrong with his wife that she has allowed
this to go on, has allowed herself to be
treated in this way? I have never known
a woman not to question a man's odd
behavior. It is obvious that she must
think rather lowly of herself, and she
does not have the courage to leave this
man, even though she knows she should.
She must be a very miserable woman.
As for your relationship with him after
the child is born, well that can be
touchy. If you completely want him out
of your life you can ask that he sign over
any and all rights to the child. This
means he will not be able to have contact
with the child, or you, and he will not
have to pay any kind of support.
The other alternative would be to list him
as the father, in which case he will have
to pay child support. But then you run
into also having to allow him visitation
rights. This, in turn, will mean that
he will be a constant in your life as long
as his interest holds in you. Who knows
how long that will be. One day he may
just decide that he doesn't want the
responibility of you holding a baby over
his head and just up and leave you both,
going back to being that "good husband and
daddy" to his family.
I will warn you of this, though, I already
see that should you choose this route he
will definately use your child as a
"bargaining tool" against you. He will
use your child to make you feel guilty
about any decisions you make, just as he
already does this with his two sons and
wife.
As for you family I say to heck with them.
They are losing sight of what is most
important here, and that is you and your
feelings. Though they may claim to be
christians, they are anything but! And
god-fearing true christian would never
suggest an abortion. Any god-fearing
true christian should know and give
unconditional love. If they should
choose to cut you from their lives because
of this they should be ashamed of
themselves! Let me tell you that later
on down the road they will very much
regret doing this if they go through with
it. When that time cmes it will be up to
you whether or not to forgive them.
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GinACod
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Sep 2005 Posts: 262 Location: Ohio
Posted: 09-14-05 09:30am
Evryones right here.
Dump the guy, keep the baby, and really
once that baby is born i'm sure your
family will be around. Even if their not
leave the door open for them, they will
one day walk though it.
As for the baby, the fathers rights and
what not.. You can go after him for
child support or just leave it be but
don't alow him to use that baby against
you! In most child custody cases the
mothers are in favor of the court. Guys
are just dicks with brains that work half
the time, most of the time. Keep you
eyes open one day you will find mister
right and he will be only yours and your
new babys. I got lucky on that my
husband of 4 years took my 2 year old and
3 month old baby for a year before we were
married. We now have 4 kids he considers
himself the girls father. It will happen
not saying it will happens soon but
eventually.
Babys are gods gift to us... (i'm not
big on abortion) and gifts are miricales
in themselfs....
Think of it this way... God will not
give you anything you can't handle....
You want this baby then keep it. Your
family will come around.
My family is cristian too and really they
haven't shunned me or my 2 girls (born out
of wedlock). Yes I admit I got on
preaching too but never did they turn away
from me.
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Pocket Angel
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jul 2005 Posts: 241 Location: Thiells, New York
Posted: 09-14-05 10:29am
I think in her first post, the first 3
years they were dating and living
together, the man she is seeing told her
he was divorced. He lied to her, but I
don't blame her for not being able to let
go. You fall in love with someone, you
want to hold on to that, its not easy!
As for the baby, I deifnitely think you
should keep it. Like you said, your 29
years old and financially stable... You
can do this! Your parents may
disapprove now and may give you a hard
time, but in the end they may be your
biggest support, you never know! I do
find it funny though that they are
christian but are pushing for abortion?
It drives me insane when people push
abortion because they think a single
pregnant person doesn't "look right".
What a horrible reason for an abortion!
I have gotten an abortion before, but it
was because I couldn't provide for the
baby. I do regret it.
Your baby will have a great life, with a
loving mom. That is all that matters!
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lildol
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Sep 2005 Posts: 5 Location: new york
Hey Guys Posted: 09-14-05 18:03pm
All of you have been a great help you have
no idea!!! Today my baby lives and I
cant be more sure of my decision - I feel
good an confident about it - I have been
strong to anyone negative and I decided to
just avoid those that are negative - which
ironically is family members - parents -
aunt - im waiting to see what my cousins
will say - well my mom said id be relieved
when I got an abortion -funny thing is - I
feel so relieved that I didnt!!! As for
the loser guy - believe me - I know and
ive known and I dont excpect anything of
him and I nor am I interested - as for him
being involved in the childs life - hes
welcome - no reason not to be - I see him
everyday unforutnately at work - we are
actually partners - ughhhhhhhh well I will
find a guy one day - right!!!! Oh for
those who commented on his fool wife -see
im just a fool - she is just plain
stupid!!! She knows about us - she knows
everything -she even knows if it wasnt for
me her mortgage probably wouldnt be paid!!
She doesnt know about my baby though!!
I hope anyone who tries to add stress to
my joy would just leave me alone - thanks
for being there guys - you have no idea
how you have helped!! Made me confident
too - I wish you all the best hey pocket
angel - im due april 4!! Good luck guys
keep in touch
Last edited by lildol on 09-15-05 14:16pm; edited 1 time in total
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GinACod
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Sep 2005 Posts: 262 Location: Ohio
Posted: 09-14-05 19:01pm
April 4th is my dads b-day... Congrats
and i'm glad to hear that you decided to
keep it.. Keep us posted. As for his
wife she'll find out as soon as you get
bigger...
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chrissy721
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jul 2005 Posts: 817 Location: Somewhere out there
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 09-14-05 20:23pm
I'm sorry but I don't care if it's
"christian orthodox" but a real christian
would not turn their back on a child or a
person in need whether or not she made or
is making a mistake. I don't believe in
abortions, but that's up to the person
having the baby. I've never been in
that kind of situation. I know I would
never go through with it but I can't
imagine how you feel. I'm glad you kept
your sweet baby. I hope your family
embraces this baby and loves it entirely.
A baby needs that love and nurturing.
You may have made a mistake but that can
be forgiven. A baby isn't a mistake,
god's got something planned for that
baby's life and it may just be something
like giving you something to be joyful
about. I don't think i'd be staying
with that guy though. He sounds kinda
like trouble, only because if he'd do that
to his wife, don't think he wouldn't cheat
on you. You deserve better than that
and can move on. I hope everything
works out good for you. Children are
alot of work but they are definetly worth
it. :)
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teach486
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Aug 2005 Posts: 276 Location: US
Posted: 09-15-05 09:55am
Yeah lildol! I am so glad of your
decision, and I know in the end you will
be, too. I am also glad to hear you know
you can do way better than the baby's
father. Too often women are scared to try
going it alone, and end up staying with
the loser fathers. This only makes them
miserable. Why live like that? Life is
too short. You are a strong woman who can
do it alone! You will be surprised how
motherhood brings out your inner strength.
Stay the course.
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lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004 Posts: 6492 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 09-15-05 11:51am
One thing i've learned from seeing friends
go through stuff is don;t ever abort for
someone else, you will only regret it. I
am glad you have decided to keep your baby
and you seem like a smart enough woman to
be able to do this "by yourself" ye s
you're life will change but it's a good
change.
