Ok so I have finished my first week of
school and I love it. Its been so great I
have met some really nice people and we
are all having such a laugh. The teachers
are all so funny and really nice.
I went to see one of the teachers in the
school because there are some teachers you
can go it if you have an problems and I
told her about me and she was so nice
about it and told me to come and see
whenever I wanted. That made things alot
easier because although I am not going
back to see her at least now I know that
if I ever needed to she would be there. I
told about what has happened with me over
the past few years and she was laughing so
much because some of the things are
ridiculous. I really liked her so thats a
good thing.
But now i'm home for the weekend and it
seems like everything is going back to the
way it was before, my parents are pissed
off, my sister is annoying me and I have
to go to therapy today which I don't want
to do.
I don't want to recover, I don't want to
get better, I don't need to go and talk to
someone about a whole load of crap for an
hour just because I have to. I'm always
being told I have choices yet I don't
think I have much of a choice when it
comes to going to therapy.
And there is a girl in the new school who
I knew before and she has an eating
disorder but I was talking to her the
other day and things are much worse then I
thought, she hasn't just got an eating
disorder, she has ocd, and other things as
well, she really needs to talk to someone
because people have started laughing at
her and its not very fair because she is
really nice and cares so much about
people.
Anyway I think I just needed to talk to
people for awhile so I came on here and am
after waffling on alot. Sorry!
I hope your all well, take care!
Xxx
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fatfamily02
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jul 2005 Posts: 3050 Location: Georgia, USA
Wonderful!!! Posted: 09-24-05 08:13am
Sometimes it helps when we are in trouble,
(i/e eating disorder, depression, drug
abuse) to find someone who also has
problems and focus on helping them. It
can really do a lot of help for us. Im
glad your starting school was so pleasant
for you --hope it continues to go well.
And finding a teacher you can trust and
talk to is a really good thing too. Im
so happy your getting better.
With love
joanna
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irishamethyst
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jul 2005 Posts: 75 Location: Ireland
Posted: 09-25-05 10:00am
Hi, glad that you managed to talk to one
of the teachers, and that it was such a
positive experience. I know what you
mean about choices. Earlier on in my
recovery, whenever anyone mentioned the
word choices (be it in group, or whatever)
it used to really piss me off. I think
to accept that there is a choice, you have
to be ready to take the responsibility of
what having a choice entails.
Once I came to a place where I could
accept that I had a choice, to b/p etc -
it became increasingly harder to resort to
behaviours, as I had come to a place where
I realised that if I had a choice, it was
also my responsibility as to what I could
do about it.
There were times in the past, where I
really dreaded (and hated) therapy, but
that is no longer the case. My currently
counsellor is a gem - my own angel sent
down from heaven. I think that from the
word go, we connected. He listens and
accepts whatever I have to say, which is
great - never felt that with my last
therapist..
Anyhow, sorry for the long ramble.
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lostoyou
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jan 2004 Posts: 170 Location: Ireland
Posted: 09-26-05 05:05am
No problem, thanks for replying. I went
to see my therapist on saturday and it was
so weird, I really think i've lost the
plot. I was going everday and then within
two weeks I cut it down to once a week now
I have reduced even more to every 3 weeks,
its really riduclous because I know I need
more then I session a week but I think i'm
trying to run because when i'm in school
it doesn't fill like I have a problem
because at lunch I am not the only one not
eating and no one really questions it and
its brilliant, so I figure everything is
ok.
But now i'm a little pissed off because I
have alot of work to do for school over
the next few weeks and I have to do this
thing for the conference( don't know if
you have heard about it), its going to
take me ages but I suppose its worth it, I
went to a meeting on saturday and people
were coming up with really great ideas so
hopefully everything will come togehter in
the end.
Anyway i'm at home today, i'm dying of a
cold but it is getting better so its all
good.
I hope your well, take care!
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irishamethyst
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jul 2005 Posts: 75 Location: Ireland
Posted: 09-26-05 08:32am
Sorry to hear that you've got a cold.
Try not to put yourself under pressure to
do anything. If you feel the work you're
doing to the conference is too much for
you, or overwhelming, let your therapist
etc know. It's so easy to bite off more
than you can chew. If you feel it's too
much, and are honest about it, it doesn't
make you any less of a person. I
sincerely believe, that we need to be
honest to those around us. What is the
worst that can happen if you let your
counsellor etc know that you feel it's too
much for you right now?
I'm involved in the conference as well,
but am not taking on more than I can
handle. There are plenty of other people
to help with carrying the load anyway.
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lostoyou
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jan 2004 Posts: 170 Location: Ireland
Posted: 09-26-05 09:50am
Ah no its not too much its just with
school and all its a bit hard to devote
myself fully to it and I think they are
freaking out a little so it would of been
nice if I could have been there to help as
much as I could but I guess what i'm doing
will have to go and I am going to the
conference to help out so that is
something extra.
I was thinking of asking people on this
forum if they wanted to write a page of
their own personal experince or at least
something like that but I don't know if
thats ok or not, what do you think?
Anyway I go on so much about myself, i'm
sorry, how are you doing? Have you
thought any more about talking to your
friend?
Take care!
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waterbaby3214
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 May 2005 Posts: 31 Location: Michigan
Posted: 09-27-05 14:57pm
Hey lost sorry I never wrote back to your
pm,i got a bit distracted.How are you ?
Read your sisters poem on the recovery
board.Jesus.I so know how she feels
though.I always felt like that about my
sister.And I don't think that she is as
sheltered as you think becasue although I
never really said it to her,i always knew
what my sister was doing to herself and
how close she was to death.Don't
underestimate her powers of
observation.How's sixth year ? Hope you
are enjoying it.It'sreally hard but when
you look back on it,you're life thank f*ck
I never have to do anything like that
again.And it goes really fast so that's
good.I cannot believe you're only going to
therapy once every three weeks.They must
be freaking over that.You happy about
going that little ? I'm starting college
next week.I cannot wait until next year
when you are there.We can meet for coffee
!! Anyway i'd better go cos i'm
knackered.Talk to ya real soon.Hope you're
ok xxx
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lostoyou
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jan 2004 Posts: 170 Location: Ireland
Posted: 09-27-05 15:05pm
I was wondering where you had got to.
Hehe I just looked at where you are from,
is it nice there, have never been hehe.
No I know she knows alot but at the end
she says she has her sister back and it
couldn't be more untrue, she has lost me
even more its just the masks I used to
wear have been put back up and now I will
not take them off and so everyone thinks I
am fine and all is going well.
No they didn't really seem to care about
me not going everyweek, they said I could
go anytime I wanted to just give them a
call but I don't think they were too
pushed. I think they are realising that I
really don't want to recover and that its
best to just leave me be.
I know I can't wait for us to be in the
same college, it will be so much fun, well
my plan is to go to college but to be
honest i'm really not sure if i'll be
going next year but for now thats the
plan.
How are you getting on? Are you still
working?
Are you still going to marino every week?
Hows that going for you?
I better go myself because I have to be up
at 6 in the morning and I have to have a
shower and stuff.
