Reading the posts in this forum, many of
what I read I can relate to. I know what
it is like to feel lonely and bear a low
self-esteem. Whilst most of the time its
not so bad as i’ve overcome it, there
are times (like at present) where I do
feel really down and all my old feeling of
sadness kicks in. Yet as I read the
posts, I just felt an urge to share my
experiences in the hope it may help
others.
I don’t know if I am plain shy or
suffer from social anxiety. Whichever it
is, a couple of years ago I figured out
that I had to do something about this
shyness. I have come a long way in the
past years and whilst I am not an overly
confident person I am significantly more
confident and thought i’d share some
things that have helped me in this
journey.
I think one of the turning points for me
was the revelation that I still thought of
myself as that shy akward kid I used to
be. I am no longer that kid, but it seems
whilst I grew up and changed my self image
didn’t. If you really think about this
notion, you will be able to make changes.
It’s easy to say that you don’t want
to be shy, but if you still think of
yourself in that way its hard to put
things into practice. For example, in my
work I started doubting whether people
thought of me and my work as professional.
Than it occurred to me like a ton of
bricks, how on earth can I expect people
to see me as a professional, if I don’t
even see myself as one. People generally
pick up cues from us on how to perceive
us. Even if you don’t feel confident,
try to fake it, others will believe you
and before you know it, you will feel more
confident.
I have read that research shows that by
the age of 14 . 98% of us has a negative
self-image. It’s letting go of that
negativity that can be tricky. Everyitme
im in a situation where something goes
wrong and where previously I would blame
myself by saying ‘i’m not good
enough’ ‘i do everything wrong’ now
I just counteracts that thought process
with ‘that’s not me anymore’ ’
eventually this worked. I started to look
at myself differently. I started to
‘outgrow’ all that negativity .
At the end of each day keep a journal or
just think to yourself of one, two or
three things you should be congratulated
on. Achievements no matter how small you
may think it is. You worked up the
courage to talk someone new or whatever it
may be!
I read other posts that people keep up
walls to save themselves from hurt. Yet
again I know what that’s like. I know
it can be hard to let people in to your
life, you feel safer keeping people out.
Yet there is so much to be gained by
breaking down the barrier. I was recently
in a situation when I let my guard down
and things did turn sort of sour, yet at
the end of experience I knew I had a
choice either feel sorry for myself, or
congratulate myself for allowing myself to
experience life to take chances and most
importantly learn from this.
I don’t mean to ramble and preach.
I’ll end this post now with a final
suggestion. Ordinarily self-help books
are a joke to me. Yet there is one that I
can honesty say has helped me a lot
called ‘change your life in 7 days’ it
comes with a hypnosis cd that helps you
along.
I honestly think that everybody can live
the life they want be more happy and
confident meeting new people. I am not
saying it will happen over nite, but the
little change or achievement that happens
today will add up to a big pay-off in the
not so far off future! Good-luck!
