Hi! I'm a mother of a 12 years old girl.
She constantly talk about death, and how
afraid she is of dying. She ask questions
about death and after death. She told me
that it's been going on since she was 8
years old but wouldnt tell anyone, because
she was scared that someone would find her
crazy. She mentioned that as far as she
can remember, at the age of 8 until now,
she often go to her room , thinks about it
and cry. And she always make sure no one
knows about it, she turns the music on and
cry. She told me that not only death
scares her but also the thought of
something happening to me. My daughter
have been through a lot of stress since
last november. Separation and abuse from
her dad, she thinks that sometimes it
feels like its not worth living and other
time its ok. When something bad happen,
stressfull moment it's not worth trying
and living. I'm very confused and I tried
to talk and explained to her things about
death. I listen to her and ask her
questions about what makes her think that,
or what makes her unhappy and happy, it
seems its not helping her really because
she always come back with the same problem
( questions)..If someone knows what steps
or where to get help it would be
appreciated.Thank you
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orson198305
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 3 Location: uk
Posted: 10-18-05 10:27am
That is exacly what I did when I was
young, it was constantly on my mind
especially at bed time. I used to refuse
to go to bed at night because I new where
my thoughts would lead me. Mabye if you
installed some form of incertanty in what
actally happens when you die she may think
differently. The fact is that noone
really knows. I'm not religous myself but
you could mabye give her information or
tell her religouse stories. It is very
inportant you do not force her or make it
look forced cause then she'll
automatically think, "well why is she
trying to not make me think of this"
i hope this helps
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sun_kissed206
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Oct 2005 Posts: 7 Location: Somewhere in the beautiful U.S.
Posted: 10-20-05 00:53am
I am an 18 year old and have had similiar
experiences growing up. Yet my parents'
"kind words" were not enough to simmer my
nerves. I expect this may be the case
for your child as well. She has been
through a lot and may be suffering from a
variety of different conditions (post
traumatic stress and/or depression are the
first to come to mind) and should be
evaluated by a professional. Good luck!
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backhome22
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2005 Posts: 195 Location: MN
Posted: 11-20-05 08:01am
I am 20 years old and have been doing this
for a long time. I always think I am
going to die like of a heart attack b/c I
do have the symptoms, but I just found out
those same symptoms are caused by anxiety
and anxiety disorders. I don't know what
triggered my anxiety, but now I have
symptoms similar to those of a heart
attack and I am constantly fearing myself
and my family dying. I constantly worry
about my family's safety and everything
else. They say this often happens when
you've experienced some kind of trauma or
a lot of stress or even just a busy mind,
so abuse from her father would maybe be
the trauma she experienced and the fear of
death could be anxiety disorder related.
I never got any help for it b/c I never
told anyone until recently, and now I
finally am going to because i've begun
experiencing intense panic attacks.
Maybe get her a stress test or
something...Trust me anxiety ruins your
life so if that's what it is it would be
at least worth checking out now before she
gets too bad.
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LITTLE LISA
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 30 Location: CROYDON, SURREY, UK
Posted: 11-22-05 14:20pm
I too was like this when I were younger I
am now 27 and still am petrified of death
but not as "full on worried as I were"
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popprincess
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Nov 2005 Posts: 46
Posted: 01-18-06 10:58am
I think about death a lot aswell, and have
done from an early age, like if my fiance
is 5 minutes late, I imagine hes been
killed in a car crash, I imagine myself
dying every time I get a new symptom to
worry about, it really does take over your
life!!
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LITTLE LISA
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 30 Location: CROYDON, SURREY, UK
Posted: 01-18-06 20:23pm
Well my nan passed away on new years eve
and that really shook me up !!! I saw her
right till the very end struggling to
breath it was horrible... Now all my
fears of death have worsened :cry:
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coffeelover
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jun 2008 Posts: 6
Living is More Fun Posted: 06-28-08 06:41am
I have spent a lot of time being manickly
afraid of death, my own and others.
Through therapy, I have discovered this to
be a natural fear for someone who has
either dealt with the death of a loved one
(especially at an early age) or for
someone who was neglected, abandoned, or
separated from or by someone they loved
and trusted (like a parent, spouse, child,
or sibling).
Therapy, I believe, is the best way to
conquer this, but if this is not an option
for you or for your daughter, I recommend
doing two things: 1) helping your daughter
desensitize and 2) helping her learn to
focus on life while she's alive rather
than anticipating death before it even
arrives. To further explain,
desensitizing involves facing your fear in
order to become less sensitive to it. In
this case, your daugher's afraid of death
so you may slowly consider discussing it
with her, sharing books with her, showing
her movies where someone dies, and
eventually maybe taking her to the grave
site of a loved one, etc. This should be
an extremely gradual process. Don't rush
it or it may throw her into more panic.
She should be a little uncomfortable,
maybe even very uncomfortable, but not
freaked out.
After some desensitizing has taken place
or even concurrently, it is important to
gently remind her that we will all die,
but for the time being we are alive.
Since none of us know how long we will be
alive and since we can't control it (often
a fear of death is about wanting to
control death or stop it from coming), our
time is better spent making the most of
every day, being happy, loving life,
smiling, being healthy, doing good things
for ourselves and others, etc., and above
all, realizing that our life is of great
value or else we wouldn't have been
granted a life at all. Besides, we are
alive and until we die, let's not waste
our time worrying about dying. Doing that
is allowing death to defeat us and more
importantly, compulsively worrying about
death causes undo stress and depression
which brings death (the thing we're
fearing the most) even closer, so 1)
desensitize/understand and 2) live it up.
