He Smokes Crack: Stay Or Leave? Posted: 10-09-05 18:21pm
Hi everyone :) i'm 20 years old, and i've
never done drugs myself (i don't even
smoke or drink) but I need help with my
boyfriend. He got out of prison april
29,2005 for trafficking cocaine (he did 19
months) and I met him in may. I fell in
love and moved in with him in june, which
was about the time he starting smoking
crack.
Last night we were having a romantic
evening (i made him dinner and even gave
him a massage) until he decided that he
needed some crack and since he didn't have
any money he decided to sell our big
screen tv to the crack man. He brought me
back the crack man's 13" (very old) tv and
said I shouldn't be mad cuz I never watch
tv (i do but he doesn't know b/c he's gone
so much). Then he ran himself a bath and
passed out in the bathtub - he said this
morning that while he was out he snorted a
line of cocaine with morphine in it.
He makes $15/hour at a fire sprinkler
company and brings home $480 every
thursday, but by saturday he's borrowing
money to take me to mcdonalds!
My dilemma is that I love him and he says
he loves me and he's never felt this way
about anyone before,and last night he went
so far to say we were "unlegally married",
but I don't know if I can stay with him.
When he's not smoking crack
(sunday-wednesday) we have a great time
together. At times he even says he wants
to quit but he needs something more potent
than lithium to handle his bipolar
disorder....Then he turns around and says
that what he does with his money is his
business...Part of me wants to walk away
from the whole situation but I feel sorry
for him...I guess i've fallen into the "if
I love him enough he'll stop" trap.
:rolleyes:
|
Relyt
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jun 2005 Posts: 30
Posted: 10-10-05 12:39pm
If you love him, and you think you two
have a bright future together(granted he
stays drug free) then I would suggest
talking to him about his addiction and
that it is serious. Tell him that you
care about him, and if he cared about you
he would consider getting treatment for
his addiction. It sounds like he is way
past quitting on his own; this means
he’s going to need to spend some time in
rehab. The best thing you can do for him
is make him realize he has a very serious
problem and that he is jeopardizing you
relationship, and his life, every single
time he smokes crack or snorts some coke.
I know how serious this type of addiction
can be, and I know once it reaches the
point that it has with your boyfriend, it
is time to either walk away from him and
let him ruin his life, and not yours, or
try to help him. He won’t be able to
get help until he wants to. You need to
make him realize that he needs help. See
a doctor about his bi-polar, and at the
same time get some referrals for some drug
rehab clinics.
Get him treatment, asap; if you love him,
you will fight for his health, if he loves
you more than the drugs, then he will
fight for his relationship.
If you want to email me, then please feel
free, my email address is tylerdk
ing@gmail.Com
edit
|
fukdrugs
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 1
Crack Posted: 01-01-06 17:33pm
Please please please leave him. I just
went through four years of hell because I
thought he'd love me more than drugs when
I met my boyfriend he had done a prison
sentence, came out was reformed wanted a
life, wanted a family, wanted so many
things. We had a great relationship. He
called me his angel and that I saved him
adn I was the only person who cared about
him and I fell in love wiht his daughter
as well as him. I stayed for 2 years
after he started smoking crack, the first
for him, the second for his daughter. It
will not get better. He will take
everything from you. After a while they
will have no remorse for what they are
doing to u, it will not matter to them. I
lost my job, my house, my family,
everything because I stayed to get him
better. You will not be able to change
him. You can't change him he'd need to do
it fr himself. The life you are living
will only get worse. Get out now. Give
him a wake up call, pack your caca and
leave. If he doesnt wake up he's not
worth it. He needs some sort of wake up
call to know this will not be tolerated.
Do not waste your life. You are young you
can find someoen. I know finding someone
else isn't what you want but u will and u
will be happier. I know u feel bad but
trust me u could stand to lose everything.
Care more about yourself than him.
|
Tamadrummer
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Oct 2004 Posts: 710 Location: Zephyrhills,Fl
Posted: 01-01-06 18:30pm
+1 to the post above!
Crack will lead to meth and then you are
really in for a real treat. You need to
get out and go far away from this guy.
You are not going to have a good life, for
god's sake, he stole your family big
screen to go get dope.
You don't consider it stealing..... Well
it just affected your ablity to watch a
decent television. If you buy a new on,
the crack man will have it again.
My uncle frank was murdered by a 15 year
old crack dealer and now that little punk
is serving 30 years to life with parole at
the 30 year mark.
You are not going to like living if this
guy is bad enough to take household stuff.
Don't listen to anyone that tells you to
stay and help him. They are probably
scamming their partner into staying too.
Get out, get out, get, out!!!!!
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Sisserface
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jan 2006 Posts: 2 Location: Spanaway WA
Posted: 01-08-06 03:11am
You are young and you still have a chance.
The choices and decisions you make now
will affect the way you live the rest of
your life. You have options and if you
decide to stay with this guy, you are
choosing the hard and impossible path for
yourself.
Leave him, leave him, leave him.
You may love him but if you love yourself
you will get out now. I promise that you
won't change him, doing 19 months in
prison didn't change him and I guarantee
you won't either. You could be the
greatest person in the world but an addict
will chose drugs over life itself. I've
always believed that you are who you hang
around -and if you aren't, you will
eventually be. If you choose to hang
around people with your similar morals,
and values and it will get you alot
farther in life and probably leave you
with alot less headaches. I'm not saying
he's bad for being an addict but i'm
saying you don't need to be a victim of
his drug abuse.
He told you that what he does with his
money is his descision, well didn't it
affect you when the big screen went so
that he could get his fix. I can tell by
that statement that he is a very
manipulative person. He can deny being
an addict and you may not think he is but
honestly, does a person trading their big
screen tv for crack sound like behavior of
a non drug addict? Crack is highly
addictive and I can promise you that his
use will not get less frequent, it will
only continue to grow out of hand.
What is troubling is that he already did
time for trafficing cocaine but he would
still risk doing it or getting caught.
Trust me, if you stay with him, he will
take you right down with him.
If I were your sister I would tell you and
do everything in my power to make you get
out now. You could be making a crucial
life decision here and I would hate to see
you get thrown into that lifestyle. Plus,
if he needs something better than lithium,
maybe he needs to leave that up to the
professionals to prescribe for him (and be
honest and tell the doc about his crack
and opiate use). Alot of addicts that are
diagnosed bipolar are actually
misdiagnosed and have drug induced
symptoms of bipolar disorder.
This is all just advice and of course i'm
no dr and really have no business saying
some of the things I did but you need to
leave him. The only way I think it would
be ok for you to be with him would be
months from now if he got help and proved
to you for a long period of time that he
was changing his life. I seriously doubt
that will happen though.
You are young and have so much potential,
don't choose a hard life. Good luck, I
hope everything works out for you.
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MrsH
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2006 Posts: 1
Web Site Posted: 02-04-06 14:49pm
If you can take a look at msn's ask a
recovering addict and they also have a
site for loved ones famililes that are
dealing with the issue. Unless he want to
quit, you don't have a chance sorry I
don't want to sound callous my husband is
addicted too and it has been a nightmare..
:cry:
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lilmissy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Sep 2005 Posts: 6
Posted: 02-13-06 19:36pm
I would love to tell you that love can
conquer all, but you need to look oyt for
yourself first. My mother is a homeless
crack addict and if I had stuck around any
longer than I did I would probably be a
bad situation too.
I think it would be wise to tell him you
love him and you'll be there if he ever
wants to clean up but that until then you
can not permit this kind of behaviour.
Sticking around gives him a crutch and
tells him you're ok with it.
|
penelope67
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jan 2006 Posts: 114 Location: NH
Posted: 03-12-06 17:29pm
I havent read any of the replies, but one
of my close friends is addicted to crack,
and I seriously think she is going to die.
It is so sad what she is doing to
herself. She doesnt want her friends, she
doesnt want her two beautiful daughters,
she just wants to sit in her room and
smoke crack. Its horrible, horrible. If
I were you I would take time apart until
he quits it. Maybe that will be some
motivation, but then again-doubt it.
Crack addicts dont care about anything or
anyone. Sorry if I am judging, but I am
really worried about my friend and I
wouldnt want it to happen to anyone
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 03-12-06 18:26pm
If this is the type of life you want than
stay but I do not reccommend it, do you
want to end up with a crack baby? Leaave
and do not look back is what I would
suggest. It is your choice and you must
do what makes you happy!
Good luck!
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kword
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Jan 2006 Posts: 33
Posted: 03-13-06 21:33pm
sandyallen
wrote:
if this is the type of life
you want than stay but I do not reccommend
it, do you want to end up with a crack
baby? Leaave and do not look back is
what I would suggest. It is your choice
and you must do what makes you happy!
Good luck!
you really don't have to worry about
having a crack baby because you don't
smoke crack, you can only have a crack
baby if the mother is a crack head not the
father. But I wouldn't stay with this
father things can really only get worse
unless he goes to rehab. So leave him
until he decides to quit.
|
mickey10528
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Feb 2006 Posts: 9 Location: connecticut
Leave His Ass Posted: 05-06-06 19:54pm
Hell never stop hes done for life, he will
start usin other drugs
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rinsha
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2006 Posts: 305 Location: Alabama
Re: He Smokes Crack: Stay Or Leave? Posted: 05-23-06 10:57am
kfriend
wrote:
hi everyone :) i'm 20 years
old, and i've never done drugs myself (i
don't even smoke or drink) but I need help
with my boyfriend. He got out of prison
april 29,2005 for trafficking cocaine (he
did 19 months) and I met him in may. I
fell in love and moved in with him in
june, which was about the time he starting
smoking crack.
Last night we were having a romantic
evening (i made him dinner and even gave
him a massage) until he decided that he
needed some crack and since he didn't have
any money he decided to sell our big
screen tv to the crack man. He brought
me back the crack man's 13" (very old) tv
and said I shouldn't be mad cuz I never
watch tv (i do but he doesn't know b/c
he's gone so much). Then he ran himself
a bath and passed out in the bathtub - he
said this morning that while he was out he
snorted a line of cocaine with morphine in
it.
He makes $15/hour at a fire sprinkler
company and brings home $480 every
thursday, but by saturday he's borrowing
money to take me to mcdonalds!
My dilemma is that I love him and he says
he loves me and he's never felt this way
about anyone before,and last night he went
so far to say we were "unlegally married",
but I don't know if I can stay with him.
When he's not smoking crack
(sunday-wednesday) we have a great time
together. At times he even says he wants
to quit but he needs something more potent
than lithium to handle his bipolar
disorder....Then he turns around and says
that what he does with his money is his
business...Part of me wants to walk away
from the whole situation but I feel sorry
for him...I guess i've fallen into the "if
I love him enough he'll stop" trap.
:rolleyes:
sorry I would have to say leave him.
First off usually someone starts crack
they won't ever get off of it. They
become addicted and if he sells his tv for
it then yeah he is an addict.Second he is
doing cocaine, and with drugs moodswings
can happen at any moment. I have aunt
that has done every drug there is. She
says oh I have stopped doing drugs
everyone and feel so much better. Then
about two weeks later she is stealing
things from people <loved ones>
anything she can get her hands on to get
money to go get crack. He may make alot
of money, so what. There is someone out
there better than him for you. Sorry you
feel in love with someone like this
because in reality he will never probably
leave his addicitions alone.
Yes it is his money, but if he and you
have started saying "marriage" to each
other then that means it becomes apart of
yours too. And you do have the right to
question were this money is going. He is
doing crack you say from sunday -
wednesday he is hooked. And all he can do
is take you out to mcdonalds sorry hun but
this guy won't ever change. Another thing
I know first hand from some friends, when
they come down off cocaine they have
moodswings and can snap at anytime. Be
careful, you could say the wrong thing and
he could snap and hurt you at any moment.
Even become suicidal. This is serious,
and I know it hurts because you do love
him.
If I were you I which I am not, I would
sit him down and try to talk to him and
explain how much you really love him. But
also that if he wants to be with you he
needs to go to rehab and get his life back
on track. Because if he has already been
to prison once then if doesn't look like
he has learned from his mistakes.
I have family members who have been
addicted to drugs for years and there is
nothing you can really do when they get to
the point were they start selling the
things they own for drugs.
You also said he isn't around very much.
Well thats not a good sign either. I am
just worried he may flip out on you and
hurt you. You seem to be young and
deserve much better. Does he ever get
angry? Just suddenly get mad? Because if
so thats not a good sign at all, and your
life could be in serious danger.
You can send me a private message anytime.
And I will reply. If you need someone to
talk to I am here.
Good luck and I hope you can make the
right choice for yourself. :)
