I'm 23 and almost 10wks pregnant. The
father (age 25) and I were just getting to
know eachother and the first night we
really hung out we made a big mistake.
Now i'm pregnant and he wants an abortion
which he believes "will benefit all three
of us". I think our relationship had a
chance but now with this...Who knows. I'm
very depressed now...Especially when I see
he calls. I talk to him but it's hard
cause I get so stressed out! I try to
pretend i'm ok...But i'm not! He's not
being a jerk or anything and he apologizes
whenever he says anything slightly rude,
but I can't take the guilt. I feel such
guilt for this being my choice and it
deciding the rest of his life. True we
both made this happen...But if it was his
choice he would have long aborted it. I'm
too soft when it comes to upsetting
people. I've been strong in standing my
ground and he knows I won't back down. He
says if I have it he will be a part of the
life...Actually he says he "has" to cause
he couldn't imagine having a child out
there and him not be involved. My family
is awesome about it, and I find it so
reassuring that it will all be okay when
they tell me it will work out. He has no
one telling him that he can do it, and
that it will work out. He hasn't told his
family which he is close to. I know he's
the kind to plan out his life and this has
thrown him into a tailspin. I'm so
frustrated with wondering if and when
he'll accept this. I hate this feeling of
guilt. I can't get excited about the
baby. My life like his is changing and he
doesn't realize it's hard on me too. I
find myself not openning up to him and i'm
scared when he calls and he does call
alot. I want him to like me (at least as
a friend) so we can have a healthy
relationship for our baby, but I fear it
might not come. I truly feel he likes
talking to me about it, even though he's
against what i'm doing, cause I know deep
down he would never want an abortion but
his fear is overpowering him. I feel that
since he doesn't talk with anyone about it
I should listen to his side as well as
express mine, but when do I draw the line
for keeping my sanity and helping him
except?
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chaosbob
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2005 Posts: 148 Location: LA
Posted: 10-12-05 14:40pm
Do not do it
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want2b
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Sep 2005 Posts: 55 Location: Iowa
Posted: 10-12-05 14:49pm
Honey,
i think that you need to do some deep soul
searching. Either choice you make will
ultimately have a consiquence. Which
ever you choose make it be for you,
because you need to put you first. (just
keep in mind the baby didn't have a choice
in any of this)
it sounds to me that you have a good
support system through your family. Keep
in mind that if he is making you feel
guilty about your choice that it takes two
people to make a baby, and if he isn't a
big enough man to accept that, then honey
you are better off with out him.
As for him not talking to anyone about it,
that is his own choice, if he feels left
out that was his own choice. Don't let
him ride you down or wear you out.
Your feelings and sanity are far more
important than him being able to deal with
this situation.
Best of luck
casey
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kismit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Aug 2005 Posts: 114 Location: tx
Posted: 10-12-05 23:30pm
I know what you are going through. My
situation was real similar to the one you
are going through. At first the fear sets
in and its ez for both sides to wanna give
into the fear. He initiaally wanted to
have the abortion.. And said the same
thing..It was the best thing for all of
us. I agreed but in my heart knew that
that really wsnt what my gut felt like I
should do. He was supportive of the
situation but I needed time to sleep on
it. So I did and woke up crying. He told
me to talk to him and tell him how I
really felt about it and so I did. I
decided that I would not be able to live
with myself if I knew that I had done
sucha thing. He said taht it was my ody
and no one could make me make the decision
...It was soley my choice. He said he
realized he was being selfish. Donr get
me wrong... The fear of what we are gonna
do to make it work is still there we just
think more about the great outcome. He
and I are both people who like to plan
ahead...Its been tougher for him because
he doesnt wanna fail anyone or let us
down. So we're working through
things....
Look I wish you the best. And trust me I
know how you feel about not wanting to fo
it alone but you have to realize like have
and still am that its not about us anymore
its about that innocent life that is
coming in so pure...Lets hope we can keep
em like that as long as possible...No pain
no worries.
Sorry if I wasnt too much help...I wish
you the best.
Sheena
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Vikki101
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Oct 2005 Posts: 9 Location: New Mexico
Posted: 10-21-05 12:06pm
First of all just be strong... Second of
all explain to him that sex does make
babies and he made that choice to lay with
you in bed. Being a mother with a father
that doesnt want to be there will be
tough. I did it for 10 months and then I
met my fiance that is now my sons dada.
He took the place the other guy didnt want
to. I am now pregnant with my daughter
and really happy. Abortion is not the
answer, its homicide. You might feel real
guilty about it afterwards. Its your
choice though. If you need any more help
or just someone to talk to, just reply I
will be more than happy to be your friend.
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young_n_stupid
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2005 Posts: 10 Location: aust. atm
Posted: 11-15-05 02:47am
I was the same when my gf got pregnant, I
wanted an abortion. You need to talk to
him, it sounds like he's okay talking
about it. Approach him and say "we need
to have a senseable talk about our baby,
no yelling, no leaving, we have to do
this"
make it a point that this is both of yourz
baby. He is probably scared, 90% of guys
that suggest an abortion are. I was, I
still am, but once I think about what I am
doing and what I want, I relax. Tell him
you understand that this is intense for
any1 any age, but u need to work this
out.
Good luck.
Trav.
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Porcupinephil
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2006 Posts: 8
Benefit All Three of You? Posted: 01-14-06 17:19pm
To his credit, he does have a sense of
humor. I got it,,,,, why not lets
abort him.
Sounds like you need to re-evaluate your
standards. Lots of good men
out there. This guy ain't one of them.
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tina55
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Nov 2005 Posts: 6 Location: fond du lac, wisconsins
Posted: 01-14-06 17:33pm
Look an abortation isn't the way out, I
have a 7month old and the father wanted me
to get an abortion and I said no, the
father also has 2 other kids with 2
differnet moms and he did the same to then
as me and i'm so glad that I broke up with
him and and had my child alone and then he
hasn't even seen our daughter and doesn't
want custody and pays child support out of
his ass. But I haven't seen any of it
yet. But oh well I have a great
boyfriend now that helps out alot. Need n
e thing just write me
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 01-25-06 14:20pm
You know,i think everyone is right,put
yourself first.You are too busy worrying
about what he wants and feels you aren't
thinking about yourself. I say if you
want to keep it,keep it.If you don't feel
comfy. W/abortion,don't do it.Do what you
feel is the right thing.And that was not a
cool remark he made about the abortion
'benefitting all 3 of you',that would make
me mad!
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snow809
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2006 Posts: 17 Location: anchorage
Posted: 12-06-06 21:36pm
Don't get an abortion cause he says so.
Do wat u want. Most improtantly do wat u
feel is right.
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Roiben
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Dec 2006 Posts: 5
Posted: 12-10-06 19:39pm
I know this is really late, but...
I hope you didn't do it. Some day when
you love that little kid more than
anything you'll be really glad you didn't.
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Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
