I hope this was the right place to put
this...If not, I apologize.
I'm coming here now because i'm stressed
out and depressed beyond belief. I'm a
senior in high school who feels completely
lost and terrified about college and life
in general. Things just keep piling up,
i'm almost constantly busy and the things
I love are slowly being taken away from
me.
I haven't watched anything I like on tv
for about a month. I can barely find
time to read and when I do, i'm too
nervous about other things to concentrate.
I space out a lot and often feel
trapped. I can’t even write as much as
i’d like to.
I had depression really badly in 7th grade
which resulted from being bullied,
eventually into leaving school after 9th
grade and enrolling in a cyber school.
I've developed social anxiety since 7th
grade and only feel comfortable in certain
places such as the library, my own home,
and my grandmother's. I also developed a
strange quirk where, during the summer, I
feel most comfortable when wearing sun
glasses, even as night begins to fall. I
guess I feel…invisible? Like maybe no
one can read me if they can’t see my
eyes…
what with volunteering at the library
every monday and thursday for three hours,
an open house at penn state coming up that
my dad didn't ask me about before
scheduling, the pssa, scholarship
applications, and the sat, i'm always
worried.
Every time I think about what's to come I
panic and cry (in fact i've been crying
off and on for about an hour now). I
keep thinking "what's the point of all of
this? I'll work really hard for four
years and go straight into having a job
the rest of my life. When will I ever
have time to do what I truly love?" the
future looks really horrid from my point
of view so I really want just one year off
after high school to settle my nerves
down.
I would love to have a year where I can go
to the library and read when I want.
Where I can write and visit my grandmother
more...Where I can just exist and not feel
so...Wretched. I just can't seem to
handle everything coming up...My senior
year is, thus far, the busiest of them
all. I'm into my 7th week now and
nothing feels right, or good.
My breathing starts to accelerate, my eyes
begin to fill with tears, and everything
looks absolutely hopeless...And when I
happen to be calm, i'm only interested in
a few things. I'm not interested in
making friends or dating, I don't want to
be around others, I don't trust anyone
besides my mom and sometimes my dad, and I
don't enjoy a lot of things I used to. I
don't always feel depressed but I don't
feel normal...What's wrong with me?
Edit: a lot of the things I typed are
being lowercased and uppercased once
posted here and my emoticons won't work.
Whats wrong?
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lmw80
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2005 Posts: 59 Location: Bristol, PA
Posted: 10-18-05 14:13pm
Hello. High school is a hard time for a
lot of people, and the stress of senior
year and everything it brings can be
terrible.
I too get overwhelmed when I look at the
big picture of things. Try taking things
one day at a time or one week at a
time....Also, when you plan your days, try
and give yourself an hour of you time in
the evening.
Have you considered community college for
the fist two years and then transferring
to a university? It will allow you to
stay at home and take things more slowly,
while saving your parents a ton of money.
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DarkDaysAhead
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2005 Posts: 8 Location: ,
Posted: 10-18-05 20:33pm
I have thought about that from time to
time but I want that year off so bad I can
taste it. :lol:
my cyber school is harder, i'm behind
getting things in line for college, my dad
is pushy, and I just want some, as you put
it, "me time". It's like, since first
developing depression, I break easier.
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lmw80
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2005 Posts: 59 Location: Bristol, PA
Posted: 10-19-05 09:11am
My parents were strict too, so I
understand. That's why I suggest you
inquire about community college....You can
go at your own pace cause you pay by
class, not by semester. So even if you
take one or two classes to start with, you
will still have loads of free time. My
parents didn't listen to me and they
learned the hard way....Sent me to a 4
year school....One semster later I was
back at home.
